M5 selection

M5 selection

Move On

By michaelgcasey

Move On. That’s what we need to do. The economy is crawling forward like an 80year old man, and what are we doing. We had a two week holiday, yes Hacking needs to be sorted, but while that has been going on nobody has been minding the store, nobody has been steering the ship, nobody has watched the kettle boiling dry.

WE do need to sell stuff, GB needs to sell stuff, we need to do busines, we need goodwill ambassadors, we need salesmen to sell GB. Tonight on TV we watched John Sargent enjoy time with tourists, tourism is a big big thing, we need to sell GB, make them come and when they come make them spend. We also need our salesmen to sell icecream to Eskimos, we need to sell sand to the Arabs, and to sell rice to the Chinese. We do have so much to sell, we are a Nation Of Shopkeepers as Napoleon said before he got a kicking. WE should have pride in ourselves and GB, what we should not be doing is to stop dead in the water because of all the Hacking, yes it was wrong and evil.

But now is the time to set things right, now is the time not for fear and flight, now the darkness of the night is over, now is the time to dance in the light, the morning light is here and all things are now clear. We have to begin again and sing again, we have to whistle while we work, we have to realise what we are worth. We are Great Britain, all people great and small, all of us have to stand tall and remember we can do it, we can do it. Motivate ourselves, have pride again, stride again, back to work. Its time to move on, its the future that matters, we have to move on.

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Sherlock plays BadmintonJul 20, '11 6:07 PM

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Sherlock plays Badminton

By michaelgcasey

Well the school  hols are upon us, our kids break up tomorrow, I broke up myself 2 weeks ago.  So on the way back home we decided to get a bit of treasure. You see I missed the chance to get a badminton set for my girls, they had a gret set in Aldi for a tenner, I mentioned it to the girls but it was gone when we went to find it. So they were sad about that, but I was happy as I found a cheap pair of sunglasses only 2 quid, brown and spotty.

So today on the way home I suggested we try another shop, and my  smallest with a hawk’s eyes found a badminton set for 4quid, it had 2 rackets and 2 shuttlecocks.  So we  were all happy, I treated myself to cream soda, do any of you remember the taste from childhood? Or adulthood in my case. So for a couple of hours my girls were teaching themselves to play. The 2 shuttlecocks went over our neighbours fence several times. I improvised by scrunching up some paper. We have a tone of paper in our house, so no need to wait for our neighbour to return the shuttlecocks, paper will do.  I showed them how to bounce the shuttlecock 6 or 7 times on the mesh, then with that practice done then it should help them play.

My wife returned from helping her friend get her lost property back,  a large suitcase that her friend uses as a shopping trolley, only she left it on the bus. So when my wife returned she wanted to play badminton, and yes she was good and quick. She is good at ping pong, her Chinese genes helping no doubt, it turns out she’s good at badminton too. So I’m hoping our girls will have some of those good genes too. So the Summer will be full of badminton, even if we use paper shuttlecocks, I am google where I can get some cheap shuttlecocks, I like the idea of multicoloured shuttlecocks, and 4quid on Amazon is the best result so far.

I nearly forgot Sherlock was on tv again and I really loved it, the repeat was even more fun that the original. So with that I’ll say goognight, but DO buy some badminton kids for your kids, the silence will be golden.

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7 year's old PromJul 18, '11 5:04 PM

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7 year's old Prom©

 By

Michael Casey

Well tonight was the 7year olds Prom. Year2 in modern parlance.

My small daughter put on her party dress with a borrowed bit of glitter and play makeup.

Our ten year old put on her own party dress and walked her smaller sister to the ballroom door, really it’s the school hall where the infants  have their school dinners. Our small daughter had 2 hours of music and dancing, interrupted by fish and chips.

Me and my big daughter played on the computer for a bit before watching Stardust, we’d recorded it on Sky+ the night before. Then when it was time to collect her little sister, we climbed up the hill to the infants school, only 3 more days and she’ll be an infant no more. In September the small daughter will cross the main road and join her big sister’s school, the juniors.  They’ll be together for one year, then the big sister will be off to grammar school we hope.

Proms weren’t invented when I was at school 40 years ago. It was too working class then, black and white tv and 2 channels, that’s what we had and no Proms. Its an American import, just as Halloween is. The question is though, do the kids enjoy them? Yes, is the answer. Here are the photos to prove it, on www.michaelgcasey.multiply.com  So I’ll let the pictures be my 1000 words. Happy Proms everybody at this time of year.

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A Quiet Night InJul 16, '11 5:23 PM

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A Quiet Night In  ©

By

Michael Casey

A quiet night in, now that’ what we all need from time to time. The wife and the girls are at Nancy’s Mum’s, Nancy’s mum does have a name but my wife knows I couldn’t possibly pronounce the Chinese, so remains Nancy’s mum. While they are there the girls will go to an upper room and do some painting with Nancy, Nancy is 17 and an A* everything, with the help of God and 2 policemen she’ll go to Oxford.

In the lower room is a Jesus evening, everybody gets fed by Nancy’s mum then there are Bible readings and “Sharing” where the friends talk about Jesus at work in their lives. Me I’m here, listening to Genesis and Genesis are singing “Jesus he knows Me.” I’m a Catholic from the nipple, with added an added inheritance of my mother’s faith when she died. Doesn’t make me special, just makes me me. “Can you hear Me, Can you see” sing Genesis, it all seems on cue, but that’s how my writing comes out. A mixture of luck and hard work and a pinch of salt or angel dust, then I’ve got a piece to put on my blog www.michaelgcasey.multiply.com and in MyTelegraph.co.uk were I am the dunce in the class.

Back to my girls, they are no doubt painting with Nancy and she is good enough to sell her paintings at a car boot sale or wherever is the place they should be sold. They are picking up some great tips, I want them to experience as many things as possible, then they may find things they can keep with them throughout their lives. My wife has no doubt had a good old gossip and is now boasting how God had helped us this week. Other families are sharing their experiences too. I did travel to Nancy’s mum’s a few weeks ago, just to show my face, but their path is not my path. So while they pray I’ve been trying to find some way of getting somebody, anybody to go to Amazon Kindle and sample my 4 wares on sale. Traffic is the word they use nowadays, if only I were a corrupt journalist, or a hacker then I’d make a few bob, or is it just a prison sentence. There would be a full stop to my works.

I have found a few folks via Linkedin and Facebook but are they interested in a fat Charles Dickens, with 1000th of the ability of good old Charlie. Strange things do happen on the Internet, if only I were allowed to blog for a Sunday newspaper, then I’d have a profile, though my profile at the moment is more like Falstaff, full of sack and a hapworth of bread, you’ll have to find my photo and judge for yourselves, well I do hope more than 1 person IS reading this.

I did have time to look at www.rightmove.co.uk and dream of where I’d like to live IF I made it as a writer. I have only moved a mile and a half from where I was born and IF I had money I’d only move a mile and a half more. Near the woods for me and Subway the dog is my dream, though my daughters would rather have a gerbil. It is so quiet here while they are praying and painting, that does give me a picture of God as Banksy, would God use lightning bolts and rainbows to leave his art?

Well its after 10pm now so I’ll love you and leave you, Genesis are still playing on the computer, “Dreaming in my sleep”  they sing, which we all will be soon. So off to beddie bybys as my mother used to say.

Daddy. I want to be a Hairdresser

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Sampling PopJul 14, '11 11:30 AM

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Sampling Pop ©

By

Michael Casey

The thing about children is that they like POP, yes POP with a capital P. I have to say or even admit that POP is part of my life too. Yes I did talk about booze a day or two ago, but today I’ll talk about pop.

I’ve just rushed back from Aldi so I can rush out again to pick the kids up, school run ends next week. So today I’ve picked up a pack of snacks for them, as well as bananas and grapes. I’ve got  4 litres of apple juice too, and some more milk for my coffee and cereals, though I never mix coffee with my cereals. So that’s an ordinary shopping basket, though I can remember my own mum with leather shopping  bags before plastic bags were invented, and then condemned decades later.

Where was I? Forgive me my small daughter has just feeding me small seedless grapes, I’m sure all daughters do it. Anyway today the big decision was should I try Pink Lemonade, it looked very strange, very pink. So I bought one, only 40p for 2 litres, an Aldi bargain. I tried a bit but it tasted strange, I waited for it to get cold in the fridge, only it had a strange taste when I tried it, then my big daughter sampled it, her verdict, too fizzy.

We’ll wait an hour for it to  get really cold then we’ll try it again, you have  to be like a scientist when you sample pop. If you don’t believe me just go ask your kids, and I mean those under 11; children over 11 are too sophisticated they are Dr Pepper drinkers after all. Once correct temperature  is reached then the sampling can begin, and don’t forget the straws. And if you drink alcohol make sure you hide it while sampling pop, otherwise your kids may sample that instead.

A few packs of crisps should also be available, this clears the children’s pallet while sampling Pink Lemonade, then when all done a bowl of freshly diced fruit. I can hear the wife chopping and dicing behind me, her knife skills are quite something, I think she used to be in a circus or something, though to be honest I don’t labour the point.

So that’s it for today, another look inside the Chinese/Irish Adam’s family, I’m heading for the fridge now, Mr Pink is waiting for me.

the 3 girls in my life

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Cross DressingJul 13, '11 5:52 AM

for everyone

JULY 13TH, 2011 9:33

Cross Dressing

By michaelgcasey

Well, what exactly is cross dressing? Maybe 20 years ago there was a fancy dress party, so obviously I stole my mother’s clothes and wore them. The stockings needed a bit of work, so I blew up a couple of balloons and stuffed them down the stockings, I also had a rather lovely handbag, it was 1950s style, well its WAS 1950s.

On the way to the party Chris who was dressed as Big Ears, he did have his own big ears but that’s by the by, he got out of the car and went to use the cash point. So there we were an old woman and Big Ears using a cash point on a very busy road, we got a few looks, but I thought it was because I looked so attractive, I AM a good woman after all.

At the party Rich was wearing a clingy tight fitting red skirt or is it dress, anyway it stopped at his knees, he had tons of red lipstick on, actually he looked like Mick Jagger, and I really mean it, he looked like Mick Jagger, has Mick every been to Birmingham? The party went with a swing, the host had a monkey costume but it was too hot so he took it off. So that was then, today these people are IT professionals, me I’m a word smith the son of a blacksmith, hoping to get my break.  I’ve just remembered another party, a couple, a gay couple were kissing in a cupboard, a kind of pantry, “come out of the closet” we all said to them, and that’s perhaps what men should do too. Try your wives’ clothes on or go shopping with her, and then you’ll be wearing something really nice that does justice to your hairy legs.

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Don't Whine its onle WineJul 9, '11 1:07 PM

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Don’t Whine its only Wine©

By

Michael Casey

I’ve just had a little sup of red wine. It is ice cold and I’ve topped it up with Aldi cloudy diet lemonade.

The perfect drink for a hot summer’s  day. Though already I can hear “sacrilege” I’m not a drinker at all, but when your sister gives you the dregs, or in this case half a bottle of red wine then what am I supposed to do. My wife wants to wash her hair in it, or add it to one of her Chinese soup concoctions.

So I compromise, I drink it. Normally 2 pints of Stella and I’m out of my tree, so if and when I do drink its with a meal. Then I won’t drink for 3 or 4 months. I prefer fizzy pop or milk or a nice mug of coffee. But, and yes I do like a random pint, just as randomly as I buy a lottery ticket.

So the red wine was in the bottom of the fridge getting glued to the base of our fridge, I did do the Clover win a Smeg fridge competition but I don’t think I’ve won, so things get glued or should I say iced in at the bottom of the fridge. We do have an icebreaker, it’s the wife and her meat cleaver, she dresses in PJs and a bright red Korean pinny then she attacks the ice with the cleaver. Luckily no accidents yet, I mean she could break the bottle of wine and then I’d whine.

So I’ve had my wine for today and maybe a sip or two more, which means it’ll last 4 days. I do have another bottle of wine, this time white which is palatable. When I get around to that, it’ll last 4 days or more. It could have turned into a Jubelee by then. Does anybody remember those triangular lumps of flavoured ice from the 60s? Yes I’m a very young left over from that period. I may have hit on a new marketing ploy, we had the wine box, how about the wine Jubelee.  

Yes you purists out there will condemn me, or the usual soothsayers will denounce me, though really they are running away from the truth. Booze is booze no matter what you call it or however you get it down your neck. In the past I worked for ACNielsen, once they bought us up, it was market research into alcohol sales, and I was the shandy drinker with no knowledge of the drinks industry, you could say I was just the stoker in the boiler room, or computer room to be exact.

A little bit of booze is nice and rewarding. However I should also add we had lodgers who were all alcoholics. One of them died on me when I was just 20, so my views on alcohol are tempered by years of watching them fall over. But I’ve digressed, yes it may be a sin to mix lemonade with red wine, but at least I don’t do it to white wine. We were at our small daughter’s end of the year’s show and there was a raffle, I get 1st prize, a bottle of White wine. I could save it for weeks, my summer holidays are very long, but when the mood takes me I will drink and enjoy it. Then I’ll forget about alcohol for months, maybe even till Xmas. I do have a stash of Robison’s  orange and barley, 8 litres, so that will be tops of my drinking menu. Though if anybody wants to send me champagne I would do my best to enjoy it, and is it true you get no hangover from champagne? I have my wares on Amazon Kindle and if the miracle happens and I sell all 4 then a bottle of champagne would be nice, even if I may be temped to mix it with Aldi diet cloudy lemonade.

this me writing my next piece

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Good Bye News of The WorldJul 7, '11 3:16 PM

for everyone

Good Bye News of The World

By michaelgcasey

168years is a very long time. WE all bought it to see the sexy girls and sports reports. We all bought it to hear the trash on the nearly famous, all the 15 minuters. It made us laugh and it made us cry.

Finally it dug its own grave by looking into others’ graves. The paywall was recently created but it had painted itself into a corner, it had cornered itself, it had bricked up its only escape. Instead of a walled garden, the paywall is its own prison cell. Historians and Journalists will write learned books about the how and the why. In the end The News Of The World HAD to die, and WE all know why.

So what next? A Sunday Sun?  Page 3 seven days a week. Perhaps it will be a topless page 3 lady vicar every week. We can be blessed while we oggle the Page 3 topless vicaress. But what is happening is a divorce, and divorces take time to heal. Perhaps we need a gentle Sunday paper. The MPs got a kicking by the Press, now the Press will get a kicking by the MPs. Few will morn the NOTW, fiddling with the deads’ phones IS grave robbing.

SO

Let There Be Light ©

By Michael Casey

Let my tears be my words

Let the candle light be my eyes

Let the flowers in bloom be my lips

Let their scent be my blood

Let the wind be my breath

Let clouds be my mood

Let children’s laughter be my hope

Let widows’ sighs be my conscience

Let a stranger’s prayers be my delight

Let the bees be my wisdom

Let the trees be my strength

Let my patience reach to the stars

Let me be always remembered in your prayers

Michael Casey

www.michaelgcasey.multiply.com

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Face Facts FacebookJun 27, '11 6:43 AM

for everyone

Face Facts Facebook

By michaelgcasey

As usual the DT does not allow me to post in the right place, and by the way the MARCH competition thing still shows up on the DT so what is the Webmaster doing, playing on Facebook?

N ow Facebook is a toy, I joined in the vain hope of bumping into  a Publisher or Producer, yes stupid I know but stupid things DO happen, I met the wife in the old people’s home…..

I can see all my old workmates from when I was at a hotel, anybody can see their current work mates, or make new friends, and have a shallow connection with them. Real friends you go down the pub with or meet and connect with, you may even have sex with. But to say you’ll put all your serious information on a social website, lets be honest, you won’t. You’ll send them an email, a proper email and you’ll share it with those you love. Facebook is just shouting in the street, its screaming Hello Darling when you have had a pint too many, or its a hen night where you oggle boys on Broad St. There are websites where you get back together, Friends United and so on. That arranges a school reunion, then its back to email.

Money men see the advertising revenue potential, but that’s all it is, potential. The Lottery here in England nearly died off because there were just too many of them, the big Saturday prize is half what it used to be. Facebook will fade and disappear just as the fairies did in Lord of The Rings, which was made in Birmingham by the way. People should just read The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker  by Michael Casey  (me) available on Amazon Kindle. Don’t waste your time on Facebook, its dying, but a good book, ANY book, others are available as well as my 4 offerings on Kindle, a book lasts forever.

I have to go now I’m hoping billions will spam Facebook and speak of my book, then I’ll be a billionaire and maybe, just maybe I’ll set up a social networking site in my spare time.

Michael www.michaelgcasey.multiply.com

this is me looking rough, I made take a photo of me looking nice for next time

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When and if I win the lotteryJun 26, '11 6:15 PM

for everyone

JUNE 26TH, 2011 22:11

When and If I win the Lottery

By michaelgcasey

My wife is watching the Lottery Losing Show on one of the Satelite channels. Its about Lottery Winners, I’m calling them losers. Nobody seems to know how to control themselves. The Secret Millionaire is the opposite, at least people have worked hard for their millions and now they are giving back. But the lottery winners seem to be losers, all they want to do is spend spend spend, just like the lady who won the pools all those years ago.

I’ve just nipped back to the telly to see what else is happening, it just seems so sad, or rather the punters are sad. Doesn’t anybody know themselves, I’m not being elitist or religious or anything like that, but am I the only person who  can say I know myself. I’m sure Freud would have a thing or two to say.

What’s the most important thing in your life? Its your family, so if you win the lottery is nice, but your family and your values are more important. I had a friend who’d kick the office chair when somebody else had some good luck, me I just say Good Luck to anybody who has had some luck. This idea of spite and envy just is not in me, in a way I find it hard to understand such negative feelings. Its like saying a new born baby is ugly and not bonnie.

Me If I win the lottery I’d buy a bigger house for my growing family and give myself a pay rise, but then I’d leave the money in the bank, then see what will be 1 year later. Its just seems to me that its Lust, money lust that controls people, if I quote correctly

The Love of Money is the Root of all Evil. This doesn’t make me holy or anything else of the sort. And what IF my dream about being a paid writer came true, would I be as shallow as the lottery winners seem to be. Well I have plans for any money I earn as a writer, and it does not involve my ego or id or whatever else is supposed to be inside us. Is it my age which changes my views, or is it that I do really know myself.

Michael

p.s. a serious piece for a change

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Interviewing SomebodyJun 26, '11 7:57 AM

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Interviewing Somebody ©

 By

 Michael Casey

Welcome to Casey’s Company

As you can see we are a friendly company

Would you like a drink before we begin?

Sorry only tea or coffee, no Vodka or lager

At Christmas, then that would be different

But today you are here to be interviewed.

Now why did you apply for  a position at Casey’s Company?

Because you liked the 12 weeks holiday a year, but you do do preparation at home.

Because you liked carrying a briefcase, because you liked wearing shiny black shoes and a nice shirt and tie.

Or was it because you liked the idea of being called Sir?

What qualities can YOU bring to the role?

What experience do you have in a similar role?

How would you describe yourself?

Are you self motivated?

Pardon? Can I stop because you want to go and have a wee?

Ok are you ready to resume?

You want to go out and make an emergency phone call to your mum, you forgot to ask her to buy some more toilet paper, and some beef burgers and tomato ketchup.

Anything else?

Ok, lets move on.

So do you enjoy where you are employed at the moment?

You’re not employed at the moment.

You were sacked!

Why?

You were found kissing in the stationary cupboard, and when security searched you, you had 120 red pens and 120 blue pens, and 120 black pens in your nice fake leather briefcase. So you were sacked on the spot. The Police were not called in as the girl you were kissing in the stationary cupboard was the boss's daughter.

But you do have a glowing reference.

Looking at the signature it looks remarkably like YOUR handwriting.

Is there anything more you’d like to add?

You’d like to have the 1st two weeks of August off, as you’ve already booked your holiday, other than that you can start straight away.

Oh, you forgot something, could you be paid weekly and in cash.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.

Oh and when will we let you know if you have been successful in your application for the post.  

********     Go to Amazon Kindle and enter Michael Casey then  you can buy 3 books and 1 hit play

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Healthy Wealthy and WiseJun 20, '11 7:42 AM

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Healthy Wealthy and Wise©

By

Michael Casey

I was doing a bit of reading about exercise, no not just because I'm 17.5 stones, I just need a bit of information for a talk I'm going to give. I know the general outline but the DT crowd can give me a few juicy sentences. Juicy sentences go down well and grab an audience’s attention, they sit up and listen, they put down their knives and forks and stop talking amongst themselves, and they listen to the speaker.

So I can say they don’t need to become body builders, they can be fatties that walk, say the school run, 15 mins up the hill and 15 mins down the hill and maybe an extra 10 mins if you drag the kids around the shops on the way home. I should add that chocolate and crisps may be bought as a treat for the kids but for the parent or grandpa as I’m wrongly called, the parent should not indulge in Cadbury’s crunchy, that would only reverse the effect of all the walking. As I walk down the road we can play the what’s in the window game, where the children look in the window and then turn away from the window and try and remember what was in the window. If you remember your Dirk Bogarde he did this as a child and he went on to be a photographic interpreter in the war. So this method exercises the mind while exercising the body.

To lose weight you have to stop what’s going in your mouth, if you exercise only you’d need to exercise as much as an Olympian to make any difference. Now I have heard of the water diet, where you drink lots of water, so your belly is full and you don’t eat anything which will help the belly stay like a fat belly. Of course you eat normally as well, but if you top up with water, perhaps with a little squash in it then you’ll see the difference, and so will your friends and family. Yes I have tried this and  the have a mug of squash routine has helped me get back to my fighting weight of, 17.5stone, in my hotel days that was handy when I was throwing bags about, some say I look only 15 stones.

Orange juice is my big thing too, I just love orange juice, and yes there is a difference between the orange from different supermarkets. I got hooked on orange in 2006 when we were in Florida meeting that branch of our Chinese family. I was also at my heaviest ever because I’d switched from my 25miles a week walking at the hotel job to my sitting in front of a PC, Life Insurance job, yes really, and I do see the irony. After the Life Insurance I had 3 years standing up all day job. Perhaps we should all pick a job which is best for our health. I’d like to be a professional writer, then I’d get a dog, when I’d done my quota of words for a day I’d be off out with the dog. Maybe I’d do the morning school run with my girls and our new dog and then I’d go home for breakfast and writing, then in the afternoon me and Subway the dog would pick up the girls again, once home I’d do a few more pages. Now this is the life I’d like, me a dog and a PC, you can find my books on Kindle as of today, if only I sold enough to be a full time writer, now that would be good my health.

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Michael Casey’s Books are now on Amazon Kindle BooksJun 17, '11 6:53 PM

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Michael Casey’s Books are now on Amazon Kindle Books

By michaelgcasey

Just in case you haven’t heard, anybody can now upload their books to Amazon’s Kindle’s Book Shop.

It really is easy to  use, in fact it is Michael Proof.

So once the process is sorted you can all rush to Amazon Kindle Store and buy 4 of my wares.

You are offered 30% Royalties or 70% Royalties. And you can set the price. So in effect everybody out there in Daily Telegraph Land can become self published. Now whether or not you get any sales is another thing entirely.

Best of all it costs NOTHING,  self publishing in paper form can be dangerous and you can lose your shirt but Amazon’s Kindle seems easy peasy, so why not try it for yourselves and see if you can out sell Jeffeory Archer, 330,000,000 is the target, easy. But IF you do outsell Lord Archer you too can have a Monet of your living room wall.

Me I’d settle for straight wall paper, thanks for listening.

Michael

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GleeJun 13, '11 5:41 PM

for everyone

Glee by Michael Casey

I don’t know about you, but I like Glee. It’s harmless fun on the telly on a Monday night. It’s all about a Glee club in America, where kids sing and dance.

I don’t think we have them over here in UK, but we do have choirs and stuff. My own two daughters are in a church choir, there was a legacy left to help pay for music. So my girls get to do something they like and then at Weddings they get a few quid.

Back to Glee, the singing and dancing is very good, it warms the cockles of your heart, well mine anyway. If you can sing then you can pack up your troubles in an old kit bag, and smile smile smile. There are also jokes in Glee too and it has a whole collection, or should I say a mixed bag of people and their problems. Young actors acting 17 years old and so on.

There are too many ads in between Glee but at least I can flick to the news channel while I’m waiting for them to finish. What more can I say? If you grew up watching all the Hollywood musicals then Glee is for you. Just remember to put on a happy face.

1 Comment

A Child's Eye ViewJun 10, '11 6:14 PM

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A Child’s’ Eye View ©

By

Michael Casey

My small daughter had made a  dangly thing, I don’t know how to describe it really. It’s a piece of coloured plastic which has holes in. Well that much is straightforward, then there are flowers and coloured wires hanging from it. A kind of bad hair day made from plastic. In effect its like those doorways which have strips of material  handing down to separate one room from another. There must be a word for it but I’d know it, but I’m  sure somebody will tell me. In films its chip shops and barbers who have these “doors”, I hope you get the picture.

Now that I’ve confused things, let me continue with the tale; though I should add that I have good news to share, I’ve rediscovered Don Camillo again. So I’m expecting a delivery of a Don Camillo omnibus in the post. With such a good feeling I decided to please my small daughter an d find somewhere to display her “art”. WE did think of hanging it in our living room/ kitchen  area, I was about to find a chair to stand on and tie the “art”   to an old curtain rail, but we were overruled by the Voice of Reason which is otherwise know as The Shanghai Mum. If you don’t know Shanghai mums are very strict and don’t appreciate “art”, so me and my daughter were banished from the living room.

We retreated upstairs and we scoured the girls’ room for a location for the modern “art”, in the end we decided if we tied a piece of string to the art we could then hang it up underneath a picture that was on their wall. So we found a ball of string and cut it to the right length, and then attached it to our plastic thingy or watsit, and I was given the task of attaching it to the string that was holding up the painting.

Unfortunately the picture fell off the wall, and even when I found a hammer, all I did was make a mess and the picture fell off the wall again.

So I had failed, Andrew Graham-Dixon would have been moved to tears, so we retreated to my room and hung in on my wall. The plastic “art” was forgotten, the hammer was put away. All that is left are the marks on the wall where the picture had hung for many a year. But at least the girls have a new location where they can put a poster, all they need is gluetac, which is far easier than hammer and nails.

  

4 Comments

Why do Men think they are Perfect?Jun 7, '11 8:43 AM

for everyone

Why do Men think they are Perfect? ©

By

Michael Casey

What do men do when they are surrounded by beautiful women?

I am in that position myself, a model like wife and 2 very beautiful bilingual daughters.

Having a Shanghai wife who could have a been a model only she was not tall enough, even though she was very very pretty.

Her parents did hold her by her legs and shoulders and tried pulling her, stretching her, but it was no use. 5feet 1inch was all she stretched to. The agency did say she could be a model for children’s clothes, but my wife, or should I say future wife said no.

I would have said yes myself, though my waist is almost as big as her height, well almost, or bigger than if I listen to her. I do have a  Chinese name, Panzi, it means FAT FAT BOY.

I may be fat though in my brain I AM thin. So I will dance around the living room to MTV, dressed as a Sumo, I mean just because I am 17.5 stones doesn’t mean I cannot dance, I do dance well, and even if our neighbours have called in a structural engineer that does prove anything.

And if I do leave a trail of toast crumbs all over the carpet from the kitchen and to the living room and even as far as this computer desk, what does it prove? It proves I need a wife to love me. Her nagging is just a form of courtship, her Chinese wagging finger just makes me laugh, so I just wiggle my bum to her copying Beyonce moves, I really am such a good dancer.

I hog the computer seeing how many people are looking at michaelgcasey, how many are looking at my blogs today. Then another burst of loving, I am kicked off the computer so my all adoring wife can read the recipes on Chinese and Japanese web sites. I retreat to the living room and watch 503 and 501 and 509 and even 506, which are the news channels. Then I’m kicked off the tv so she can watch a Date with LuLu, it’s a daily chat show from Taiwan, not a wee little Scots singer. So I return to the computer to write my blog for the day, behind me our bilingual girls play on the piano, I get them to play a bit quieter as I need to focus while I write.

However as I’m writing right now I’m listening to Shakespeare’s Sister, perhaps I should be reading their brother.

Words have such power, was it that which brought Birmingham to Shanghai. Was it my good looks, was it my immense waist, was it my smile, I do have such a nice smile, was it my laughter,

Or were the Angels on angel dust when they heard my prayer for a wife?

2 Comments

Thousands of children ‘not ready for school’ at fiveJun 3, '11 8:05 AM

for everyone

Thousands of children ‘not ready for school’ at five

By michaelgcasey

I was so not ready myself that I ran after my mother down the school drive, 1963 was the year I think. Years later I was the Head Boy of the school.

As for the general population, am I old fashioned in thinking some parents don’t love their children. You don’t have to have children, there are pills before and after, and men can even do something, so there are no excuses for having children, IF you don’t want them.

But IF you do have kids then LOVE THEM. I had a humble beginning, if you find the photo of my mum’s home in Cromane Lower back in 1920s then you’ll see just how humble her beginning was. The difference between now and then is just how poor my family and millions of others were.In Andrew Marr’s show last night, which made me seasick because it jumped so much, his observation was that the village comes to town, to mega cities, and it is that which binds communities together. Obviously I was looking out for Shanghai as that’s where my wife is from.

When our girls were born, Ma came all the way from Shanghai to be with us here in Birmingham, on each occasion she stayed six months to help out. Sadly in the modern era there is no granny, or granny is a party animal in Ibiza or is on a fly drive in USA. 

So you don’t have an extra pair of hands, as granny wants her freedom, this means 5 year  olds miss out on granny’s love. 5  year olds get lots of plastic rubbish with batteries, but love, where no batteries are required, that is sadly missing.

Yes people have to work,  I’m content that we love our kids, and there isn’t any money for plastic rubbish, and as for batteries…              I used to sit at the top of the stairs and have a “social” with my mum, then she’d pat my bottom and send me off to bed, I was happy because I was loved.

My kids are lucky because I’m from a large Irish family, so they have lots of uncles and aunts who love them, give them plenty of crayons and paper, 600 crayons was the last audit of all things for drawing. A pencil and paper IS enough to set a child’s mind free, when you unite this with Love from mum and dad and uncles and aunts, what do you get? You get happy kids, Granny in Shanghai is not forgotten either, with the wonders of the Internet granny can talk to our kids every  Saturday and together they read the Bible and teach granny more English, as for my girls they practice their Chinese.

Is this old fashioned and not all hip and groovy? I don’t care, I have great kids who love me, and their Chinese/Irish family nothing is better than that, and guess what, batteries are not included.

Attachment: Padre Pio and Me.doc

0 Comments

Easy ListeningJun 1, '11 6:58 PM

for everyone

Easy Listening

By michaelgcasey

BBC4 had a great programme tonight, Easy Listening. I don’t know about you but for 20years and more radio was my best friend, Radio4 and Radio2. It all started when my brother went to work at a coal mine, after a year he went to Cambridge, he had a gap year before they were even invented.

So there I was in 5th year with an old Bush radio for comfort as I studied for my O Level, radio was a constant companion. I listen to Radio2 and Folk weave and all manner of programmes, I also heard a stack of Radio 4 stuck. The Bush radio did wonders for my intellect  and it was a great comfort as I really missed my brother.

Easy listening from the radio, plus in later years having a record player and then a very cheap hifi, it was just a record player with 2 speakers, but it was so soothing. John Denver, The Eagles, Jean Michel Jarre, and anything else with a nice album cover, all of them  were my companions, especially when I was in between jobs.

Music is soothing and a great companion, listening by headphones is a different experience too, if you haven’t tried it then try it right now, steal some headphones from your teenagers. My own kids are still too young to have headphones, mind you tonight my girls were really enjoying their Blik radio as they both read JacquelineWilson books.   I had bought the radio for myself but instead I donated it to my girls and I kept the old ugly looking DAB radio.

Music is good for the soul and you can submerge yourself in music, just as you can wallow in a hot bath for an hour, easy listening like Smooth Radio, Real radio used to be great until it went off air. I just adored the music with no ads annoying me, that’s what easy listening is all about, its like the bubble from bubble bath that cover and sooth at the same time. Easy listening is like a good massage given by an expert, or if you cannot get a Chinese doctor, buy a book and get some oils and donate it to your wife/boyfriend/girlfriend or whoever and just lie there with the music playing your favourite Carpenters track, or Adele.

Easy listening should almost send you to sleep, which is good because its so relaxing. My journey started with a Bush radio and now its a DAB radio or my computer with nice Logitech speakers, if music be the food of life play on.

1 Comment

My Last WishesMay 31, '11 6:20 PM

for everyone

My Last Wishes

By

Michael Casey

My 1st wish would be that the Telegraph lets me post in the right place. I've heard that hearing is the last thing that goes as we fade away. So a sign saying "Beware of saying bad things, such as Thank God the old B*&&&, is dead"  Why, because as we fade away to oblivion the last thing I'd want to hear are words like that, imagine the utter horror as we melt away. So I'd say, just be nice, LIE, but don't send a loved one to Heaven or Hades with such negative words ringing in the soon to be deceased ears.

My father said he heard the doctor say, "just wheel him to the end of the ward, he'll be dead soon." At that moment my dad awoke and the doctor dropped his tea. Dad lived 5.5years more and I met my wife in the old people's home, Padre Pio and Me explains it.         The consultant had given my dad a week to live and it  was  decided he would not be revived if he had another heart attack.

I think we should all make plans, so there is no dispute. I know I'd like to live long and prosper, I always used to say I want to live till I was 100, having a young family I really need to reach 100 now. But what if the worse case senario arrived? I think I would write down something on paper, I'd make a Will, but I'd enclose a comic letter for my siblings so that as they gathered around at the solicitors they'd have some laughter to remember, they'd be no money to share, but laughter yes. Like my brother peeing in pop bottles because he knew I drunk the dregs.  Like our dad saying "Rubber Onion" instead of "Rugby Union", remembering all the love, all the Nuclear Love our mother gave us.

I am thinking of having Nuclear Love in Tears For a Butcher which I'm writing, and even Supernova Love. How can I explain it to any future readers? I don't know, Stalin once said "How many divisions does the Pope have?" Only fellow believers of various colours could possibly understand, the power of faith and love that only mothers have.

I'll have to sit down some day and write my comedy cover letter to go with my Last Will and Testiment, perhaps leave a video on my website, or a message like Yul Brenner left. Bury Me in My Boots was a book we heard at assembly 40 years ago, it was a tramp's last request, Mr Reading read it out.

I know that when you are electricuted your family flashes through your mind, as it did for Rich sometime in the 1980s, so if when we die our hearing really is the last thing to go, please be gentle and kind, be nice as Lew Dawson used to say. Just be nice.

1 Comment

Government Dating AgencyMay 31, '11 10:34 AM

for everyone

Fill in E784/52 and your new spouse will be ready(c)

by

Michael Casey

I saw somewhere that the Government would be involved with marriage. So that set me thinking.

Fill in form E784/52 and your new spouse will be ready.

Just as stupid as a census form would be the Government provided spouse, all you do is fill in the form.

You fill in sections stating what kind of sex life is required, variety and kind and frequency.

You fill in sections stating what kind of faith is required, though nowadays "None" would be the most common.

Sections for what kind of intellect required.

What kind of hair colour, and type, soft or shiny.

Height requirements would be catered for too.

Tall dark and handsome, or very curvy with a twinkle in their eyes. Eye colour would also be on the list.

The form would go on for three pages and has to be filled out in triplicate. Native language requirements or preferences would also be listed.

It could take hours to fill in the form, but once completed, the Government guarantees perfection and a till death do you part guarantee.

With the government in charge of our mating, nothing can go wrong. Only on the way down in the lift its love at first sight as you see somebody for the first time. Can it be true can it be really true. You were made for me and I was made for you.

I think I'm overdue a poem, so come back later or tomorrow, the pain monster has been a right bucking donkey today. But I have a thought for something...