Confidence

Confidence ©

By

 Michael Casey

I was watching 100 Days Plus on the BBC when they had an item on self- harm, new figures out today really are shocking. Katty in Washington made some observations, so tonight I’m going to make a few of my own. The problem seems to be more with teenage girls than any other strata of people. I have met a few girls who self-harmed when I was working at various places, you can see marks on their arms or other places, from blades or elastic bands. It is heartbreaking to see, and now that I am a dad to daughters I really thank God that they will never go down that road of pain and sadness.

It mentioned social media on tonight’s report, and this is where social media can turn from a good to an evil. If you are naïve and don’t have all of the material goods and looks then you may self-harm because you are not perfect and don’t have all the toys everybody else has. That’s the basic  message and sad reality of today’s world. So I’m going to debunk that for all you girls and maybe boys out there.

First of all, you are loved, you are loved by God just as you are. I know most may not believe in any God nowadays, well maybe in England. But if you don’t believe in any God, make up an imaginary friend who will always love you. If you like cut a picture out of a magazine and that image is the one who loves you. It can be anything you like, create your own parents if you like. Obviously its better if you have real parents or a granny or an aunty. But if there is nobody then make somebody up. Or have TED like in the film.

I hope you are smiling already. My mother told me when I was 4 or 5 that I was as good as anybody else, and I’ve always believed. My eldest brother is 8 years older than me, so when he went to Queens Oxford, I just assumed at age 10 that I was just as smart. So maybe a bit of self-delusion is great for your confidence, though I am not stupid, I just pretend to be. If you really are very smart people will hate you or just be jealous, so you need to be wise enough to get them to like you. By helping with homework, though if you are smart you get paid in chocolate for your brains. It’s about getting a balance. If you have a talent then share it, it’s like a mustard seed and you will be rewarded 1000 fold. 

Obviously as I am large, 13 stones in 3^rd year, is that Year 9, and as strong as  man then, obviously that’s weak compared to Boris, Lech and Gregorgi my Slav friends. But it meant nobody would ever bully me, so if you are small make friends with a big person. If you still have no confidence then Pray, put a picture of the Virgin Mary under your pillow for a few years. It really does work. As Bertha down the Legion if you don’t believe me, or Stormy Daniels my pole dancing friend, I have friends everywhere. Or am I just a liar, or a storyteller?

If you can make  people laugh then they will look after you. But what if you think you are too slim, or too  fat, or too stupid, and a whole hosts of excuses. I thought nobody would ever have me, but my mother said Love will Conquer all. And she as right. Don’t be in a hurry to find or want love, but don’t wait as long as me. Why do you think when I write the prettiest of girls fall for the man with the limp, or his mate the bloke with stutter.  In Tears for a Butcher twin sisters fall for the draymen, and when they are mocked, Bettie and Annie scream Don’t mock him, he’s my future husband. And then they use their martial arts skills on the mocking men. But that’s in the future.

But  it’s true, a girl wants somebody who’ll stick around, not become a notch on his bedpost. Humour works as does having a few words to talk about anything, just read a bit and have a bit of conversation. Confidence is all about Loving Yourself, never hate yourself, and if anybody makes my girls cry they will never forget my reaction. YOU are loved, by your dad, by your mom, by the collage of a dad you created, but you are loved and always will be. With my dying breath I will say, forgive me if I wasn’t a good enough dad, but I will always love you. I may start singing a Celine Dion  song as I die with a smile on my lips.

Never surrender to self-doubt. If you want to hurt something then keep a special teddy you can punch or throw about, let the anger out, let it all out and give it to the teddy. Or if you are Canadian join an ice-hockey team, but let those emotions out, and you stay serene, ground yourself, have a binge on chocolate, any diet can be resumed. Just let any pain out, scream at the sea, talk to the bleeding wall. Watch Paddington over and over again. But when you’ve had the controlled tantrum you can go downstairs and cuddle up with mum and dad, or the picture on the wall and watch Twilight for the 50^th time.

Confidence is knowing you’ll never be Katty Kay on the BBC, but you will be just as poised, as self-assured when you reach 35 too. You may never be a journalist like her, but you will be dying people’s hair just like that Katty on the BBC, and you will have a chain of beauty salons. Because you believe in yourself, and your dad did save you from that bad one, and dad raided his pension so you could open your first salon. But you did repay him 10 times over, and was it Fate or your confidence that attracted that sailor to you, Christian, and yes he does look like that bloke off the tv, you know Katty’s 2^nd assistant.  Confidence in the end is love.