Putting it Off

Putting it Off ©

By

Michael Casey

Well I’ve left my day bed, which also happens to be my night bed, my only bed in fact, I just wish it were a bigger bed in a bigger room, in a bigger house, some place else. By mentioning my bed I’m putting off starting this piece, I’ll be giving you an excuse next. I checked the list for Excuses and I did write one 5 months ago, I could have been real lazy and just reposted that, an excuse would have been reused as an excuse for writing something new. But it would have been a lame excuse, but I’ve been raised from my bed, not by anything Biblical, but by the urge to use the toilet. So now that I’m up I may as well start, not on old excuses, but on new Putting it Off, or Puntinitoff a new Russian friend of mine, he’s big in, well I won’t say as I’ve probably upset him already, on verra.

Now why do we keep on Putting it Off? Because we are lazy or because our word processor does not work, and Visa is playing up tonight so you cannot buy a new one. But I recommend the free download WPS Writer, as I did to Putinitoff today, so you all have no excuse, go write War and Peace, or just go back to bed with your wife and produce war and tears in 9 months time.

We all keep on putting things off, we waste time, I know my dad said when God made Time he made plenty of it, but we should value Time, and use it wisely. So I have stocked up on chocolate so my daughter is fully loaded to lock and load and attack the books before her Chemistry and Philosophy exams in a few weeks time. Students the world over put off hitting the books, they have to watch Riverdale, or dear Dale Winton repeats, and only then will they study. I’m sure Dale is in Heaven screaming on his support for students everywhere. Stop what you are doing kids, and hit those books.

Put the boyfriend away for a few weeks, he’ll still be there and eager after you finish the exams. Stop practicing your time tables with the girlfriend, just hit the books. You must be in it to win it, or your nose must be in the book, so you have a chance to get what you deserve, Dale is singing this chorus from Heaven with George Michael at his side.

We put off bad things especially, like going to the doctor when you have a rash on your bum, you finally get an quick appointment, after three weeks. Then you go through the door, and its a female doctor, or an old man of a doctor, it’s always the wrong gender of a doctor when you have to show your bits off. Bitsoff is a friend of Putinitoff, by the way, Bitsoff is a illustrator for books, maybe Putinitoff will introduce me to Bitsoff, only my introduction is always delayed. I think it’s because Putinitoff hates me, all I did was borrow one of his watches. Russian watches are indestructible, well that’s what they say, but for me, a watch only lasts 1 year, or less, but I don’t want to talk about the accident. I’m putting off telling him what happened to his Vostok watch, it was an accident.

We put off going to see our loved ones laid out in a coffin, if we see them for the final time, then we have to admit they are gone, we’ve seen the evidence. I know in England most people don’t do that, it can be frightening, kissing your most warm hearted mother as she lays in her coffin, her cheek is as cold as ice, like kissing a can of Coca Cola. You can’t put it off to long, in the morning it’s the funeral, so its now or never.

The thing about fear,or embarrassment is that once it is faced you realise Churchill was right, we have nothing to fear but fear itself. Its a bit like losing your virginity, once gone a whole new adventure awaits. So don’t be afraid to do things, never put anything off. I’m not saying dive in without thinking, I’m saying don’t be afraid, have Churchill and Jiminy Cricket as your guide. If you wait too long because you keep putting things off then you may die all alone, like a writer who was too shy to ask a girl out. So finally God had to practically throw a wife under his feet, because he was too stupid, and was always putting Life off.

Being a writer gives you a chance to talk about anything you like, you may restrict yourself and run out of material as you are in a cul de sac of writing, so you have to break out of the cul de sac and hit the high road, or low road as some reviewers might say. Putting off what you think you can or should write about may waste years of your life. Your best piece could be your last piece that is locked away in a drawer, though some reviewers might say it should have been locked and buried and the key thrown away.

So I’ll finish this excuse for a piece of writing, it’s a docx file to add to the 1800 plus pieces of writing that’ll live in the car park of cyberspace and on Amazon in the hope that Stanley will discover me. So carry on up that jungle and don’t put off anything, it’s Friday night 1^st June 2018, Dale and George have invited me to the club in Heaven, and if Putinitoff finds out I’ve broken his Vostok, he’ll be breaking something of mine off, and then I’ll be a eunuch dancing in Heaven.