Friday, 8 June 2018
Comedy Writing, Allegedly
Comedy Writing, Allegedly ©
By
Michael Casey
Well
I’ve finally got around to writing the Comedy piece I’ve been
promising. Other things arrived in the day, like bringing in the
dustbins, in 2 stages as the bin men arrived at different times. Yes,
real life gets in the way of being an Artist, no sniggering in the ranks
or I’ll get Larry to hit the backs of your legs with wet lettuce,
that’s Larry Grayson, not Larry Olivier. Larry Olivier was never any
good with wet lettuce, ploughmans’ lunches were his speciality.As for
Larry, Larry Grayson, he was always good with a wet lettuce, ask Pete
his Postman, that’s Pop it in Pete.
Now
if you are American you might think I was off my Meds, or needed to be
on some by those explanations. However this is Comedy Writing, Allegedly
so you will have to Google things for yourself, I’m too lazy to explain
everything. And Googling will make your eyesight weak, so use a bigger
torch under the bedclothes, or you’ll have to see nurse in the morning,
this is Harrow or is it harrowing after all. And to harrow sounds like a
strange verb or is it noun, the BBC have been using nouns as
adjectives lately, the England Writer,instead of English Writer. I’m not
very patient with them, it sends me out in blisters, but they never
listen to me no matter how hard I SHOUT at the tv.
But
this is just silly little me, the fat silver haired writer in shades
from Birmingham, THE ONE IN ENGLAND, there can only ever be one real
Birmingham and that’s in ENGLAND. That’s just me making it clear to my
USA readers. I’m sure they steal my stuff and put Sarah Palin’s name on
it and so I’m big in Alaska, or rather she is, and I don’t get a penny
in Royalties.
As
for Royalties, the Queen stole a pair of my shades, and the corgis
returned it all dog eared. Never trust a Queen is all I can say, apart
from Barry the drag Queen I know. I meet him often outside Tescos, we
share the bench on the street, Bazza as he is know always has a nice
word to say to me, one day you’ll get a Pulitzer Prize Michael he says
repeatedly. He’s so thoughtful, apart from leaving his legs wide open as
he sits in stockings and suspenders and an evening dress split to the
thigh, like Amal Clooney’s, but better. He does wear the same shade. of
lipstick through.
But
I digress, which is like cross dressing but with thoughts and not
clothes, it could be worse I could be a nudist, the sick bucket is to
the left of your computer screen by the way. Well I just noticed I’ve
gone past 500 on the clock, no wonder I’m so tired, 500 hours in a day,
what planet am I on? Hollywood? Though we have a Hollywood in Birmingham
too, though HOLLYWOOD is USA not Birmingham, though don’t forget what I
said before though, BIRMINGHAM is England, you can keep your HOLLYWOOD.
Where
was I, what’s that ringing in my ear, did somebody slap me, or is it
the telephone, or just my Tinnitus? Yes I’m still here, like those old
hippies with the never ending tracks like Crowded House, or backward
stuff like the Beatles. Yes ridiculous thoughts, as Cranberries sing in
my ear, I’ll have to hold on, too many girls in my house I cannot get in
the bathroom. David Bowie used scraps of paper, I just use scraps of
background music playing, or just reality. And what is reality anyway,
you’re in for one hell of a trip when you get to Heaven.
So
have I written any comedy yet, or is it just a bad experience and
you’ve wet your pants, as you could not get into the bathroom. It’s just
the Queen trying to look cool in the mirror in my shades, you try
getting past her corgis, I dare you. So what can I say about Comedy?
Well surreal is my favourite word, so think Picasso on a good day, where
you can actually understand his Art. Then imagine Jackson Pollock comes
in with the coloured chips from my local chippy, he trips over one of
Picasso’s nudes, a real one not a painting. The chips and kebab sauce go
everywhere, and that’s how Picasso and Pollock found another avenue for
their Art. You Dozy Pollock was also invented as a curse, the nude on
the floor did not like vinegar in her belly button after all, it made
her squirm. Though she did invent a new style of exotic dancing.
Well
my kids are demanding chocolate so I’m off to the Polish shop to fetch
it for them, as for Comedy Writing, you’ll just have to make your own
up. I could get Knighted in the morning, Sir Michael Casey, what do you
think? It’ll never happen, it’s as likely as the youngest son of a Kerry
Blacksmith becoming an International Famous Writer. I can hear God
laughing now, not at me but at Einstein trying Pole dancing with
Stringfellow in the Angel’s bar.
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