Challenged by University

Challenged at University ©

By Michael Casey

We have a  decades running quiz show on tv called University Challenge, where teams from Unis, and don’t you just despise that word “Uni”, where they do a quiz to win a prize. A variant of it was in the Saint Trinians film, which may or may not denote my “intellect”, I’ll just look that word up in the dictionary. My memory of University goes back 50 years maybe, when my brother won a place at Oxford, Queens. A few years later another brother went to Cambridge, Downing. Dad, a blacksmith from County Kerry was very proud. His own teacher had once predicted, Casey one day you will hang.

So that is the background, I can remember my eldest brother with afro permed hair, gold rimmed octagonal glasses and flares. I can also remember him buying a tricycle for the youngest sister who was 13 years younger. Now he looks like a mixture of Sting and Harrison Ford. So that’s the then, but what of now?

Don’t come near me with that poster you are invading my space, don’t talk to me about that god, because I don’t want my values polluted by your pagan ways, or by your Christian/Jewish/Islamic/Anythingist ways. I just want to stay in my bubble, and not be hurt or misunderstood by anybody or anything. And take those statues down they are just so so, the haircuts on those busts offend me. The length on the trousers on that statue is just so offensive.

That statue of David is offensive, nobody has a body that perfect, can we have that removed from the university too. And no Sarah doesn’t want it moved to her bedroom so she can dream the perfect dream with the perfect man. That’s a sexist thing to say she be damaged for the rest of her life, I think she’ll sue the University. She has American friends after all and they really do know about suing. And she’s a lesbian too, so she’ll sue twice over.

Can we have a non-alcoholic bar too, people whose faith bans them from taking alcohol should be able to chill and relax in a bar, but a bar without any alcohol in. It’s a human right to be free to relax, and no just going to a café is NOT good enough, you are lecturing us now, invading our free space, we feel intimidated by you saying we should not be in a bar if we don’t like alcohol. That’s just non alcoholist, we’ll get the union to start a strike of lectures over it.

And the lectures are too long, and too hard, and we don’t like the syllabus either.  The books are too heavy too. Switch subjects or buy a Kindle. That’s a sexist thing to say, you are inferring women are too weak to study, I’m a man anyway, can’t you tell by my short hair. But women have short hair too nowadays, that’s a sexist remark inferring that I’m a lesbian, but I’m a man. Or is it some cross-gender insult?

And on and on it goes. Am I just an old fart, ok I just smell like an old fart. But when my brothers went to Uni, when my sister went to Uni, see I held my nose so I couldn’t smell my old fart, and I used “Uni”, when they went they went to study. My other brother the Downing Cambridge one, he was a miner for a year before he went up to Cambridge, he didn’t complain about the hard work and broken finger nails.

When you are at University you meet lots of people and exchange views and food. Like scrambled egg with Heinz beans in, 40 years ago nobody at Cambridge had even dreamt of it. Nowadays people would complain that it was mixing food groups, and the pollution afterwards would be unacceptable, so a petition would be started over beans and eggs.

Especially as the eggs were produced in inhumane circumstances, I said circumstances. Innuendo is definitely a big big NO NO, though having a big big  NO NO might in itself be classed as something worthy of applause 40 years ago but now everybody would run for sanctuary in the church the haven of safe place.   Once there all religious objects would be thrown out of the church as they invaded the safe space for the religiously inarticulate.

All of which makes me sad so I’ll make my daily pilgrimage to Aldi, though I’ll be condemned for using the phrase pilgrimage, especially by those of no faith at all. Dave Allen and Lenny Bruce are up in Heaven crying they are glad they are dead, modern University students are challenged, challenged because they have no sense of humour and want to choose what they should know without any relation to common sense.

Life involves everybody and everything, so be catholic in your tastes, and yes I chose the word catholic on purpose just to see who many ignorant comments I’d get about its meaning in this context. Have friends of all faiths and of none, try different foods and learn about all kinds of everything. Then and only then will you be a rounded person, I’ll get complaints about being fattish now. Even try scrambled eggs with Heinz beans in, but do open he windows first. Don’t paint yourself into a corner, because it’s just your own mind that gets smaller, which reminds me of that statue of David in the winter.