Lessons in Listening

Lessons in Listening ©

By Michael Casey

This should be about the World’s events this Jan 29^th 2017, but there are enough people talking about it so I’ll let others do that. I will say though, and you all just knew I’ll say that I’d just say. I live in Birmingham, my parents were from County Kerry Eire, and they came here in 1944 when the war was on. My wife is a Shanghai girl and we have 2 bilingual daughters, one of whom dreams of being a Doctor, the other may be the next Julie Walters or a PhD in something else. My best friend is a little Indian guy who has a PhD too, if you hang around with clever people you appear clever by association, oh by the way my friend’s family were from Calcutta.

I’ve started a new paragraph so you can skip the 1^st if you have low tolerance for major news stories. I decided tonight to write about Listening, obviously we all listen every day, and you can guess what my last sentence might be before I’ve even started on tonight’s piece.

So why do we listen? To get what we want and to give what we want, we listen. Can I have a Cadbury’s Crunchie please? And Neil in the corner shop, who is Indian, will give you a Cadbury’s Crunchy. He also give you your change. Every simple interaction in a shop is about asking and receiving, we do it all the time when we go shopping.

When I’m in Aldi I’ll ask the crew where is this or where is that and they will tell me and I’ll go away happy with my precooked in a Kiln Salmon pieces, and they are delicious by the way, and I don’t explode the salon in our microwave any more. Life is all about asking and then receiving. Seeking and then finding, doors are even opened for us, such as fridge doors in Aldi. The religious amongst you will have spotted the Biblical reference.

The point being that by being courteous we have a smoother Society, I listen to you and you listen to me. I know from experience that listening does make a difference. If you work in a 4 star deluxe hotel for 3 years as I did then all day every day you are listening. You are there to please the guest, if you do its good for the hotel and they come back.

Ours was a new build, I even had my interview in a porta-cabin. The thing we are taught and learn is that people like to be listened to, it takes no effort and does make all the difference, especially when they are complaining wherever you are working. If you let people blow off steam then they calm down sooner, ask any Police you know they will agree.  

The week I started at the hotel was the week my dad died, I went to visit him on the Tuesday the 2^nd day of the new job and he died on the Saturday, so Joy and Pain all came calling in the same week. The hotel and Jonathon Walker were very kind to me. I had spent years visiting my dad every single day in the old people’s home and there I listened to him. It’s now 15 years since he died.

You are company for your old dad or mum or aunty or the old cantankerous woman in the flat above. Listening and sharing a cup of disgusting tea DOES make a difference even if its just that you appreciate a good cuppa after your sacrificial cuppa you force yourself to drink with the horrid lady upstairs. There are millions of people the world over who appreciate a kind word, or help finding white bread on the shelf in Aldi when their eyes are too old, or they don’t read English.

For me listening isn’t just about being charitable, its about being Irish, as having Irish blood means I enjoy a story, little wonder I’ve ended up as a writer with one million words on the page. I did spend decades talking to my dad enjoying all the stories even if I’d heard them many many times before.

Listening to BBC Radio 4 is all about listening as its speech radio, not music or background music. I smile when I see kids heading for cramming courses nearby I want to tell their pushy parents to buy a radio and glue the dial to BBC Radio 4. Its worth a 2 grade improvement in itself. Why waste your money on a crammer, best of all when 5000 people apply for the 500 places at grammar school. In passing our local school is in the top 2% in the entire country, Discipline makes a difference, as does Listening to the Teacher.

The greatest thing we do in life is listening to another person, and when we listen our defences are lowered. If you can make somebody laugh then barriers come tumbling down, they want to listen to you because you make them laugh, you make them happy.

We appreciate each other and then because we have listened we can love. If you like making love is the perfect act of listening, which may explain why real ugly comedians have the prettiest wives.