Trump and Putin go Native in Iceland

Trump and Putin go Native in Iceland ©

By Michael Casey

I just had a peek to see who was reading my stories, and where when I saw Russia was looking at two of my stories right now. They may put my sites name down on a porn website as a place to stopoff and have a rest in between watching extreme chess, they are Russians after all. I have no idea, I just know that some cards have linked my site to naughty sites. It’s all on my Google site info section.

Which brings me back to Trump and Putin, Putin will of course be in Washington for the big day, but he has to stay out of sight to avoid upstaging the Donald, he wouldn’t want to do that would he? He’s there because they are having secret talks about having secret talks. They will have the holiday brochures on the floor of the Oval office and they will try and pick somewhere pretty to go together.

Putin wants to go somewhere where he can take his shirtoff but Trump is a bit flabby so he wants to go to Iceland and pretend he is Ronald Reagan. Putin in the spirit of Peace and Reconciliation says he’ll come to Iceland so long as he can get his shirt off, so it’s all agreed. It will be a golfing trip to Iceland at the Slippery When Frozen Golf course at FlickNickerStormFort golf course. Which is the easiest one to pronounce. The Secret Service insisted that it was the one, as they could not even pronounce any of the other 57 ice golf courses in Iceland.

If the balls go in the water a Russian nuclear powered submarine will be there ready to retrieve them. See Putin is all for cooperation and good will between all men. There is a 1000 dollar a hole bet on the side that they are having, but none of the main stream press know about that.

Fox News’ Shepherd Smith got the exclusive as he goes to the same barber shop as Mr Trump’s new Press guy. And the barber just cut the information out of him. Shepherd Smith also heard that the new White House Press Room was going to be in Iceland, until Mr Trump heard it would interfere with the golf there, so he relented. The new press room will be at the Washington Trump Hotel, as Mr Trump likes to kill two birds with one stone.  

There are hot baths in Iceland due to the volcanic activity so Putin dived in totally naked, he was able to show off his Judo moves. Mr Trump is a little modest, so he hid his modesty behind his golf bag, otherwise he was totally naked. So sat totally naked in a bubbling hot volcanic spring bath the two Presidents discussed the world and how to make it a better place. Putin cracked open his vodka while Mr Trump had a milk shake with extra milk and shakes in it. Somebody tried to give Trump a stirred milk shake by mistake, Trump told him he was a bit of a Daniel Craig, and milk shakes must always be shaken not stirred, his word was his Bond after all.

Putin was on his 7^th bottle of vodka, and he was concerned for Mr Trump as his face was so Orange.  Trump just smiled he had put on an extra coating of face makeup, he must always be ready for the mainstream press to ambush him. The mainstream press were in no condition to ambush him, they had had an ice hockey match with the Russian press corps, they played out in the open just behind where the two presidents were discussing the world. 3 broken arms, a sprained ankle, 5 black eyes and one broken nose later, the match was tied. So like all good press corps  they got smashed on the really good stuff, the 40 year old Polish vodka.

Russian love songs and the entire John Denver collection were sung to the rafters as make love not war was the drunken refrain. There are a few, just a few female Russian press corps, and after their opposite number fell over on the ice, it was their duty to cuddle up with them in a Russian army issue sleeping bag. Need I say more, there was a fox in those sleeping bags and it was not Fox News. Détente had broken out between the opposite Press corps.

Trump and Putin talked on, they hear about the Détente between there press corps. All you need is love said Putin, Love is all you need said Trump. We Love You Yea Yea Yea chirped in the press corps. I think I’m pregnant came from the Russian army sleeping bags. If you are then I will be a Godfather said Putin, and I will be Godfather too. I will  give the present ever said Putin, anything you can give I can give better said Trump. All you need is love sung the very very drunk press corps.

I will give them a dacha in Moscow said Putin, and I will give their future children a gift more precious than that said Trump. Whatever it is I will double it said Putin. Shepherd Smith from Fox News was lying on the ice his microphone extended, he had been there for hours, in fact he was now frozen to the ice. Trump looked at Shepherd Smith and winked, here’s your Pulitzer. I will reduce USA nuclear stockpile by 1000 missiles said Mr Trump throwing his golf bag out of the water, he was hiding nothing now. Putin gasped, but a promise was a promise, I will reduce Russia nuclear stockpile by 2000 missiles. So that is how Mr Trump, the 45^th President of the United States cut a deal with Mr Putin  and 3000 nuclear missiles went into the dustbin.

Shepherd Smith had to be cut out of the ice, but then he was placed in the same hot spring where the historic nuclear deal was made. All this goes to show, anything can be as cold as ice, but if you are willing to sacrifice your golf bag then, then anything can happen, things will hot up and friendships can turn to love. And all you need is love, love is all you need. Trump did give Putin a boxed set of underwear, and a boxed set of Beatles songs. Putin was so pleased he said he’d throw in another 1000 nuclear missiles, they were so rusty anyway they probably wouldn’t work. Mr Trump smiled and said Thank God those things will never be fired.