Taylor Swift Wedding Nights Advice (c). by Michael Casey

02/07/2026 ~ Leave a comment

Now that you no longer are my high duster cleaner

Things to remember

Now you are about to be WED

Never allow him to leave his Jock Strap lying about

As cats love to sniff and lick

So they may get a shock or two

And a cat with its hair on end, I avoided the P word, is disturbing

Like Don King that boxing guy

and A box is another thing he should not leave lying around

You know what cats are like for getting into boxes

If your cat is in his box, you’ll never get it out

Very territorial

So put your cats away, far far away where Shrek lives so you get no surprises

As a cat even a cool cat jumping out of a Footballer’s box is the

VERY LAST thing you want on your Wedding Night

Trust me , I am a writer, The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker by Michael Casey

fat, and silver haired and from Birmingham ENGLAND

I have to tell you, or you’ll go to Alabama with Banjo Knee

and he’ll be rubbing it with cream all night long

Banjo Knee is a serious condition , ask any musician

Go to the local Irish bar and they will tell you

But go to the right bar, on the left past the shops

past The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

by Michael Casey

he’s the fat slob, about 266 pounds of flesh

Shakespeare was his Landlord in his local pub

until he got barred for farting too loudly

and drowning out the sound of the Karokee Machine

Michael Casey said Taylor was not as Swift as she used to be

it’s like she drags a bit, or did he mean she dresses in drag

she is so Tall, anyway, it may be spite cos who

else could he persuade to do his high dustin

Pink might be persuaded , but Pink classes with his decore

so a Pink cleaner was no use

Perhaps If offered 2 faggots and pees with a squirt of vinegar

then Taylor might reconsider and do a bit of hoovering

I pay dam good pay rates, especially as her spillage was noticable

those short skirts and bustenhalten don’t keep enough in

No wonder the grizly bear was smitten

Football, its more like Rugby for girls, all the padded bras they wear

I play Rugby Union for 5 years

Ali Campbell and Me were in the same class 1B

he broke his collar bone and cried

SO we all cried 1970 or 1971 maybe

anyway Grizzle Bear, I ended up being in front row

Swinging with the Hooker in the Middle

Garry Marshall and HIS dad was a Milk Man

and Benny Hill had a song on Utube

Ernie The Fastest Milkman in the West

So when the singing starts after the wedding brunch

you can all sing that

Or Donald Where’s Your Trousers

another gem, as the Donald did not get an invite

Not unless his thinks he is the Pope

and does marriage ceremony for you

DEMENTIA and all that

I wish you and your Care Bear all the best

and Nigel is a great name for any future son

Nice one Nigel, let’s have another One

is an old song

If your bint or bird or gal or Lady or Boss

or the Only One, what do you call each other

MUSH or my twinkle dinkle do dum dum dum dum tea tea tea DUM

Or hey Blondie get out of the way of the TV

I’m watching Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer from Birmingham England

and after all this he is a real SOB, and yes I admit it SOB SOB SOB SOB SOB

I’m not crying I lost my high dusterer

I am a real SOB

Son Of a Blacksmith from Kerry Ireland

MUM has 300 pounds and false teeth on 9th July 1949

dad took it and gave. her 6 kids, and now 4 grandkids

and I am just the normal one

When you are finished with the Wedding and are all alone in the marriage bed

You can prop your Kindle up on his bare backside

and read The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker by Michael Casey

a PhD is a Benny Hill body , that’s me

And as he sleeps you can do something more interesting

My 3.4 million word IP is for sale ,readers in 172 counties at least

the rest is online, a great investment even just as an ESOL business

so think about that as he snores and sleeps

So you’ve made a bit of money even on your wedding night

You bet on the time he’d fall asleep

and now you can take a chance on me

Abba are so great as bedroom singalongs

what else are you supposed to do on wedding nights

Yes I really really am a SOB, Son Of a Blacksmith

and in love with words for 57 years

that is why I offer Variety

SO seriously, Offer support even if its for a bum’s book (me that is)

Offer Variety and lots of sauce like in Heinz Beans

and the warmth of your love will be like a breeze

opening windows in your heart for each other for ever more

and always have MORE, like in Oliver Twist

Please SIR, can I have more

and never argue over money

money is for seeding growth

Love Grows where Rosemary was planted

which may be a metaphor

But Metaphor hit every which way, and stir crazy

whatever that means, Imagine

You’ll be in Heaven

And yes John Lennon was our Lodger back in the 1980s

he was a factory worker at GKN and wore very white

sneakers, yes really, same name, different strings to his bow

So you have much ado about, not nothing

But a Grizzle Bear, a carpet of your very own

and cuddles on a carpet

Ok, have you had enough of me, obviously

BUT do have a nice Marriage, the Wedding is just the prologue

I bet nobody else will write such prose for you

If they did the quarter back would what kicked them into touch

And remember it is all about TOUCH

in every way possible

Touch your hearts, touch you souls, touch this, touch that, touch the other, touch each other, and TOUCHDOWN

But keep a safety belt on, if you are are Flying because in the wind you may bang your head on the ceiling.

BUT as you are both so Tall, so will always be Dancing on the Ceiling

Love him especially when he is Tender

Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer from Birmingham England.

2nd july 2026. 18.30 pm

to be read by whoever is still sober anytime you fancy, a quick swift one