somebody was reading this, you will all LOVE it, even the French
Scrabble Vendetta
~ michaelgcasey ~ Edit"Scrabble Vendetta"
Scrabble Vendetta ©
By
Michael Casey
The Media Scrum out Saint Patrick’s wasn’t going to go away, in fact it would grow and grow, the Media would have to take over the Windmill Pub next door such was the amount of Media attention. Big Sid the butcher was on the operating table over the road and inside the church Mrs Murphy one of those whose lives he saved was Praying at Warp Factor 9. Forget about not mixing matter and antimatter, she might be inside the church but her soul was at the very gates of Heaven screaming her supplications, as well as Daughters of the Rosary the world over.
Outside hairy Amjit the Alsation was licking the wounds of Jesus on the cross, this was his prayer begging and pining that Big Sid the Butcher should live. Mrs Kemp had arrived at the church too. Who are you the Press demanded to know. I’m the Grandmother of the pregnant hostage. But you cannot be, Mrs Murphy inside Praying like a Devil is the grandmother. Said one lazy reporter from the Daily Fuzz, he certainly was not a hot reporter. SHE is the Irish Grandmother, I am the English Grandmother, it was MY daughter held hostage, but OUR grandchild was in danger too, as was OUR unborn grandchild. She then stamped on his toe with her shoe.
Sky reporter went live, and the Daily Fuzz was pushed to the back of the crowd of journalists, it was like a shark feeding frenzy. Mrs Kemp explained again, and then extreme zoom, what do you think of the Post Office raiders. The Director had his finger on the bleep button. What do I think of those men, those excuse for men, they are not even men, not even little boys. They dare come to our community, and threaten the Saintly Mrs Murphy, and MY daughter and MY grandchild, and MY unborn grandchild. Well I think there is only one solution. And what exactly is that Mrs Kemp, asked Kay Burley from the Sky Studio. I’m going to feed their balls to my cat, that’s if they have any.
The Press exploded, Mrs Kemp continued, My Husband is a Freemason I’ll have you know. I don’t know what he does at his Lodge, but whenever he makes a Promise he keeps it. My husband has promised me their balls, so they can hide in Prison but my Husband will deliver. I will have their balls and feed them top my cat.
The Press pack exploded. And is there anything else you would like to say asked Kay from Sky. There are A, asses, B they are beasts, C they are clowns, D they are dunces, E they are Eejits if I can borrow a word from the saintly Mrs Murphy, F they are. Kay interrupted just in case.Then she interviewed the next guest, The World Scrabble competition was on, and England had lost two from the squad due to food poisoning, so the French were already gloating.
The French team captain, was so very smug. Maybe that lady could join the team as a standin, she at least knows her alphabet. Kay was inwardly livid, but ever the professional she linked back to the Scrum.
The French team captain for the world Scrabble championship was wondering would you like to join England’s team as a late replacement. Mrs Kemp smiled sweetly, I haven’t played in years, but if England expects, then I’ll do my duty. The England captain knew he hadn’t a hope in hell having lost his 2 best players, so he said ok,if the French did not object to a late replacement.
So it was all decided. A little light relief after all the dangers in the Post Office. As Kay finished the interview, the French captain moaned his interview had been cut short to cover a nothing butcher, brawn beating brain. Mrs Kemp still had the earpiece provided by Sky, I’ll have his balls too was his reply. Only Kay at Sky heard this,but there was something in Mrs Kemp’s voice that made Kay’s eyes light up with delight. She then rung her friend Peter Bets at Sky sports. You have to cover the Scrabble Championship live Kay purred. Why asked Peter? Just Woman’s intuition said Kay smiling.
Now the French team captain thought Mrs Kemp was just a boring housewife, the housewife bit was true. But Mrs Kemp had a past, a very large past, thousands of pages long. No she wasn’t a slapper, but her past covered thousands and thousands of pages. No she wasn’t a girlie magazine model either, but the French man’s jaw would drop, zut alors.
The day of the Scrabble World Championship arrived, Kay had friends around for beer and chips. She had looked up Mrs Kemp and her intuition had been spot on. Mrs Kemp apologised because she’s not played in years, she was a bit rusty,but she would do her best.Sky had put the championship on Sky Sport 69, Man U were playing Chelsea, so all the channels were playing variants of that.Then there was an act of God, like rain at Trump’s parade on July 4th.The floodlights were on the blink. So the match was abandoned,all the local pubs heaved with football supporters.
And that’s how you got 80,000 football fans rooting for Scrabble. Kay refused to tell her friends what she knew,Andrew even offeredto vacuum and do the washing up, but NO. Just watch. Mrs Kemp loosen the buttons on her blouse, she was a mature woman, but everything was still in full working order. She loosen another button. The studio lights were so hot after all. Football supporters in the pubs cheered and jeered, show us your hits miss they sung.
Then Mrs Kemp showed the French what she was made of. Short words, long words, strange words, backward and forwards. Kay smiled, then she relented,she whispered in Andrew’s ear. Andrew stood up and did a Flamenco step,this would teach the French. The studio lights were so very hot, the studio manager was told to dash next door to the Flaming Pie. He came back with a tray of Stella Artois. Mrs Kemp knocked hers back in one go. She spilled some on her blouse, she she stood and took it off. Uproar in all the bars. She was there in all her glory in a red bra, one her husband had recently given her, Freemasons are not stupid after all.
Mrs Kemp looked the French captain in the eye, my attire does not frighten you does it, you have seen a woman in red before? And on they played, more words, long and short and extended. Mrs Kemp was toying with him. The French were like children in a playpen playing with building blocks with letters on. Mrs Kemp was getting bored, not enough challenge. So she decided to construct long and strange an bizarre words. Just for her own intellectual amusement.
Foul cried the French, she’s cheating, no such word exists. Page 278, section 1b , subsection 12. In bold.Smiled Mrs Kemp. Dodds Dictionary 1934. The computer scanned and there it was. She must have an earpiece or some way of cheating stammered the French captain. Mrs Kemp stood up and removed her bra, shall I remove everything so you an search me. Then she put her bra back on. It was a Graduate moment.
Beer was spilt all over the country and everybody phoned a friend and shouted put Sky 69 on. Mrs Kemp smiled again, he was but a little boy. The Frenchman cursed her in French. Mrs Kemp replied in the worse filthiest French imaginable. She spent not one but two years in Marseilles in her university days. The French captain blushed, in fact he turned into a Pillar box. The floor manager was sent out for wine this time, as Mrs Kemp said the French were whining for wine.
Why don’t we have a bet on the side suggested the French captain. A crate of the 48 would be nice said Mrs Kemp,she did know her booze after all. Agreed. Then the French captain tried to rile her, who is this Big Sid anyway, I love Big Sid is everywhere, is England GAY?
England stopped, nobody could or should say that. Sky rung the Police to get a safe escort for the French team once the competition was over. The studio manager pointed and a video clip was played. CCTV of the Post Office and Big Sid saving everybody. This is an Englishman said Mrs Kemp, and he has done his duty.
She was enraged, she stormed up and down and around and backwards and forwards the Scrabble board. Some words had not been used is 360 years,God alone, literally knew what they mean.But tonight God was on Mrs Kemp’s side. For God and England and Big Sid.
The French were put through the Mangle, and yes for pure spite Mrs Kemp put mangle down as her last word. Applause all over the country. Then a lot of shouting, a Frenchman on his Tour de France bike arrived, he wore a spangled beret and a Tee shirt that read J’adore Big Sid.
It was Joules the French cultural attache,Mes Excuse, he bowed as low as a Japanese apology. This man does not represent the French. Of course you will get your wine too, the 1848 you mean. The 1948 I would not clean my bicycle with. Mrs Kemp gave him a hug, her bra came off and he had to hold up his beret to cover her embarrassment.
Then Mrs Kemp explained Kay and Andrew cheering on, you see my married name is Mrs Kemp. But I did stuck English and European languages, I am actually a Dr of Letters, but I never tell anybody in case they think I’m a medical doctor and want me to look at their bum. Though the French Scrabble captain had been kicked the bum , metaphorically speaking, and might perhaps need the attention of a medical doctor.
There was one other thing, Mrs Kemp was descended from14 Generations of Dictionary and Encyclopaedia compilers. The French captain didn’t stand a chance. The French cultural attache now he really was a gentleman, a very gay gentleman.
me in 1991 in Lourdes France
this piece will become part of the Finale of Tears for a Butcher , if i get around to finally writing it
Translations
persianBBUPORTUGUESE BBU2019China BBU-convertedChina BBU-convertedВ поисках индийской принцессыWydanie polskie Still Alive 2015win Wiersze dla wszystkichThe Polish TranslationsThe Polish Translationspolish Guardian AngelPolish Edition of Still Alive 2015Michael Casey The Polish Translations페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN아직도 살아있는 2015ページ1 Quick Stories in Japaneseインドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには – CopyЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ ADСтраница 1shoplife spanishJapanese elevator AdvertBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish Examples50 Spanish Examplesbbumar2008-en-zh-cn-1BBUMar2008.en.zh-CN (1)BBU in HebrewBBU in Arabic300 وmy new bedBBU Russian Translation microsoft wordBBU in KOREANBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish ExamplesKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015The Polish TranslationsSpanish BBU아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015
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Rediscover Entente Cordiale or a story that will be in Tears for a Butcher. IF ever I get to finish writing it…
22/09/2023
For Wordsmiths everywhere, and AI spend a penny on me
14/05/2025
In "book-review"
later on it’ll be Scrabble Vendetta
06/07/2019
Published by michaelgcasey
I've updated this 15th Sept 2024 I'm Michael Casey from Birmingham England, the fat silver haired writer in shades. Beware of Others with the EXACT SAME NAME, they are not me, and would not want to be me ... use Google UK to find me, otherwise Posh Americans pop up I've done loads of writing, about 3,000,000 Words worth over 36years now But before I started to write, I LISTENED to BBC Radio 4 for 20 years, from the age of 10 or younger Frank Brown our lodger, went back to County Tyrone and he gifted us his Bush Radio. He'd be nearly 102 now if he is still alive, so say a prayer for him 56 years in love with words, and I still look so dashing. I have a picture in the attic, just like Dorian Gray I've also had an interest in Politics for 56 years with my dad heckling the tv and Politicians. I almost immediately had a hit, a play called Shoplife was accepted but not finally produced by a Theatre. The Kenneth More Theatre, so thank them for sparing you all. This was back in 1989 yes, 35 years ago, the play was written in 1988. So since then I'm more than good enough, as a writer. Anything else..... I also ignore those who just cannot write, pick your own candidate I tend to write Comedy as I'd rather make you laugh than cry I have written over 2000 short pieces of writing, yes 2000 " (c) by Michael Casey" If you include "chats" 5000 samples, all told, the chats do NOT go into my books when I compile them. My first book ,a full length comedy/drama is The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker You can read translations of it here on this site Up to 20 different languages/translations have been read on the same day via this site, here on Wordpress look fo Translations Galore page, and more And in over 167 Countries world wide too so you have no excuse, find your own language and read The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker or Quick Stories or any other of the books in Translation on my Wordpress This proves to me that the humour does travel I have readers in over 167 countries now, just to repeat myself From Nepal to American Samoa and all places North South East and West Or its just a hit man on the run, or whatever Unknown Region Means It may also mean that only non English Speakers like my stuff Coverage but lacking penetration as marketing folks might say I did get 21,000 readers in 3 weeks for the Polish version of In Search of an Indian Princess. which is basically the final 3 chapters of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker all by word of mouth. And 50,000 plus in Christmas week 2021 If you add up all the downloads from my Wordpress + 13,000 when somebody stole the file. I have had more copies than Boris Johnson's Churchill book distributed. Maybe 40,000 copies . Not made a penny from it, free downloads in multiple languages. Reverse Logic, if the world knows me, eventually somebody will pay me But in reality I'll be dead first, and then just 2 pennies to pay the ferryman is enough I've cut the Plaudits, you can read/decide for yourself As for my life, I was born in the shadow of a Brewery, I was a computer operator for a market research company into alcohol sales, 21 years altogether, StatsMR Call centre guy, like everybody once in their life I was also a Trainee Betting Shop Manager I was a concierge and 10 other roles at Crowne Plaza NEC Birmingham for 3 years. Spent 3 years at Pinsent Masons Law firm in Birmingham I even hid a copy of my comic novel "BBU" in the Law Library at Pinsent Masons, well just for a day.. I did a few other jobs too, working life in reverse so to speak and I was an Esol English teacher in an Islamic school, for a year, I knew I could teach. I got Excellent, Excellent and Exemplary on the external assessment, yes really And I asked them to pray for me at least once a day beside which I've had a Shanghai connection for 20+ years now, including 2 bilingual daughters and being a hausfrau a long time too, I'm a great dad, as I've had lots of time with my daughters I can always make somebody talk or laugh I believe my short stories could be used to teach English, just package them up correctly or App them Or a Tale a Day from Michael, a story telling App What else, I was brawn and brains, I used to be as strong as an Ox, now I just smell like one We have a cat called Totoro, my daughters wanted a pet I said they could have a dog if I died , or a cat if I had a heart attack. A few weeks after that in Jan 2015 I had an Unplanned Quadruple Heart Bypass , it was supposed to be a triple but it ended up a Quadruple, 33% extra free so to speak. Now with an add on Hernia, the size of your fist, pushing through my bypass scar, it hurts when I laugh, so don't make me laugh I also have arthritis and other hindrances that hobble my body and give me pain galore. But my mind is free, though having read my stories you may wish I didn't bother But I'll ignore you, and carry on regardless. I do get heckled by my own Tinnitus these past 5 years+, so I have music on all night long to drown it out. I sleep with Miley, Taylor, Eric Clapton and Will Young, maybe I should buy a bigger bed, or just get a better mattress. Tinnitus is a curse, just trust me I know, each day I wake up, Tinnitus SCREAMS at me for a full hour till it calms down or not at all, a merry go around of noise That's the end of the tidy version of my life To finish here's the list of my 20 books, so far:- 1.The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker 2.Shoplife 3.Essays and Plays 4.Blogs 2011 5.300 and Not OUT 6.Shorts 2013 7.More Shorts 2014 8.Quick Stories 9.Still Alive 2015 10.Undiscovered Words 2016 11.Still Smiling 2017 12.Altogether Now 13.New Horizons 14.14 Up 15.15 Down 16.Sweet Sixteen 17. 17 Again 18. 18 New Views 19. The Final Cut of the 19th Hole 20. 2020 Words 21. Fresh Fields, i decided was a better title, when the USA election is over I'll launch it 96,000 words so far I write bullet point stuff mainly now as Tinnitus stops me from getting in the zone to write, story stories. (c) by Michael Casey stuff though my bullet points are better than some "writers" discuss, miaow. That's why I dream of a speed typist, so I could dictate from the sofa https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC to buy ebooks Loads of Korean and Arabic translations downloaded from my Wordpress, 1000s of them Quick Stories in Korean is a big hit. Maybe Kim in North Korea should read my books, instead of wasting his countries resources on what? Just keeping one person in power, him? Instead of joining the real world and opening a string on golf courses. That way we could get rid of Trump too. Into the sunset, as they play golf. Tears for a Butcher will be the sequel to BBU, and it too will be 600pages, however I really need a speed typist to put it down, while I sit and dictate like Barbara Cartland, and hopefully my speed typist would be impressed. we'd marry have half Korean kids, and form a Kpop band with our 4 new kids, with me as manager. my 2 daughters are at University now, so if you finally pay me, I can pass it on to them And yes this is more for my bucket list, as Tinnitus keeps me awake too much, 6 months of not sleeping till dawn is really killing me, it is the worse thing in my life ever, and I've had far to many horrible things. That's why I go the other direction and write comedy Michael Casey aka the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/efda2dca0de5b9269191b7c8b0102473?s=400&d=mm View all posts by michaelgcasey
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