The Matchmaker

The Matchmaker ©

By

Michael Casey

Well I could start by saying the Match Girls did go on Strike, but only you History buffs will know about that. What you are all saying, or go ask my old History teacher, so what has that got to do with Matchmaking? Well we strike matches to make them ignite and then we can make a fire or light the gas under the kettle. Then we can have a hot cuppa to warm us up on a cold day, it lifts our spirits and we can face the turmoils of the day or whatever blocks our way. Or we can have a full warming meal, thanks to that match being struck.

Now Love also has the same effect, that’s why we all long for love and seek out somebody to share our lives with. Sometimes it’s a long and winding road until we find somebody, other times we have known since birth who we’d marry or who has been chosen for us. Obviously over here in the West we can marry or just mate with whomever we chose, other places practices you can do your own PhD on.

So when we cannot find that somebody we turn to the Matchmaker. Matchmaker Matchmaker make me a match, as sung in The Fiddler on the Roof, or wasn’t Barbara Streisand in a film with that in, or was in Cher in Moonstruck? Too many films in my head, thousands of them. So what kind of man would you like. Still breathing. Must he be good in bed? Enough said. Or is kindness the most important trait, but 3 times a week, or did you say night?

So you have a list, and your ideal man must have all those qualities, then you settle for the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham. Because he could always make you laugh, or was it the size of his insurance policy?

You see the Matchmaker and it’s like confession, when will you meet a nice bloke, not somebody who chases every piece of skirt, who has notches on his bedpost. Where have all the nice blokes gone? Then the Matchmaker’s son comes in taking off his clothes and putting them in  the washing machine before he running upstairs to shower. He doesn’t see you sitting in the dark with his mother. He’s a mechanic and knows how fix anything, he can drive anything and make anything move. As he flashed naked before you he had made you move, and at that moment you were fixed on him, and he was driving you wild with desire. Why was he so special? You’d seen naked men before, you were not a virgin, so what was it. Was it love at first sight, were his contours all mapped out, and showing you which valley and peak you’d follow.Was it plain lust? Or was this the Matchmaker’s magic? She had thought her own son was her biggest failure. Now a bolt of Lightning.

The Matchmaker has a list of boys and girls,or rather should I say men and women, she maintains this list through hours of social contacts, and working the phones. Mark likes clever girls, Peter likes dumb blondes, John likes kind hearts. Mary like money, Jane likes doctors, Annie likes the exotic, and Cilla likes anybody who has a heart. Now it is for the Matchmaker to join those two together, it’s mortise joints not superglue that should hold a couple together, and nails would certainly hurt. The Matchmaker has to unite so they won’t fight.

The Matchmaker has a feel for what would make a good couple, a talker with a listener. A passionate person with somebody who wants the same, a hand holder with another hand holder, a ying with a yang. Really its like a cake mix, you have to have enough of all the right ingredients. Not too bitter or too sweet, and then you have to mix well, and then bake long enough to rise at the right moment and not collapse if taken out the oven too early. And if all that goes right the final result tastes just right.

So a Matchmaker will start as a sandwich maker, then an occasional meal maker, before offering a buffet, and then a Michelin star chef, all so her clients can end up having Crumpet. Love is a gentle thing, the Matchmaker must offer something, a potential partner who will give not indigestion to the other. A partner must be like Mary Poppins, a spoonful of sugar not medicine. No bad tastes in the mouth.

So on the Matchmaker works, striking matches and lighting fires of friendship, and embers that turn to Love. And when it works there is marriage and fireworks, the Matchmaker gets invited everywhere, little wonder she is fat. But in return there is great happiness, the Matchmaker is showered with gifts and discounts. You cannot count the happiness a Matchmaker brings, and yes some of the children are named after her. So every family seems to have an Agnes in it,

Well I have to do my own matchmaking now, me and the TV news, I have a relationship with all the Tv reporters, in that I watch them all the time. I suppose that could make me sound sad, but heckling the politicians being interviewed is my Match of the Day.