Socks Drawer

Sock Drawer ©

By

Michael Casey

I was still throbbing with pain and I still am, and I was struggling with what to pick to talk about today. Struggling means I hadn’t thought of a topic in 2 minutes, I did have an idea for a topic yesterday as I lay in bed. Stop no making up your own jokes, there is only one stand up comedian allowed on my page, and that’s me. So I thought of an idea, of a topic, and let’s see where it will lead us, just take my hand and I’ll lead you up the garden path, maybe we’ll meet the brave Gill there. And if Gill is reading this, you have such a kind disposition, just promise not to hit me with it, one day I will learn how to use a dictionary, but at the moment it’s under my bed, holding the bed up as the bed leg broke off.

Now the opening did remind me of two other things. In English in First year at Grammar school the student teacher did say he as the only comedian so we should stop messing about, and his Tutor had a beard and a walking stick. Funny how a 50 year old memory comes back, but it does help fill the page. As for Gill when I was exposing myself as a Writer, over 20 years ago in the office, it was her who said I lead people up the garden path, to the potting shed, even though my writing was compost. She had such a lovely way with words.

But I was going to talk about my sock drawer, though in my case it’s a orange coloured Sainsburys’ bag. In my sock drawer all my socks are the same, there was a sale in Aldi years ago so I bought a load. Two years ago we moved to a posher supermarket as my daughter was doing her GCSEs, today she is doing her Mock Maths A Level, Mechanics is the hardest part, so we can all cross our fingers as the exam starts in 5 minutes time. Thanks to a better diet these past two years I hope she’ll do well in all 4 A Levels.

Well, what about socks? A pair of socks keeps you warm, as cold feet are a terrible terrible thing, ask any old person you know. Not me, I’m young at heart, the cheek of thinking my silver mane makes me old.

Some people have funny socks, with President Trump on them, to think the Simpsons had Trump as President as a joke, and the joke became a bad sad smelly sock reality. You can have the days of the week on your socks so you don’t need to sniff them before you put them up, or ask your dog to do it for you. If the dog falls over then it’s time to change your socks.

Thermal socks are great too, as I can attest as I just nipped out mid story to get more Movelat painkiller gel, did you miss me? I just tiptoed carefully away with just Rag and Bone Man singing to you all. He’s still singing now, maybe the needle stuck in all the fluff from my belly button, I must remember not to use it to make candy floss as I lay in my bed. Now half of you have said YUCK, while the remainder are in the potting shed with me and Gill and all my other compost.

When I was in Shanghai for the first time about 20 years ago it was so very cold, so I wore 3 pairs of socks. We stopped off at a shoe stop, and the girls looked on in amusement as I removed 2 pairs of socks so I could try on some Shanghai shoes. They were all drinking green tea from old coffee jars they kept under the counter. Then after I bought some new shoes I put the extra 2 pairs of socks back on.

After a hard day at work we all kick off our shoes and relax in stocking feet, and yes in my case I may really be wearing women’s stockings, and garter belt, I prefer red to black by the way, so if you are in the Ukraine reading this you know exactly what to buy me. Then we may actually peel off the socks and let the pet dog lick the salt from your toes and in between the toes too. I did mention my dad used to take off his steel toe-capped boots and wash his feet in the washing up bowl with a splash of Jeyes Fluid. Though due to all the sweat involved from the Steel Works mum used to use the tongs from the twin tub washing machine to pull the socks off dad’s ever so lily white smelly feet.

I myself used to have long socks to just below the knee with a garter underneath, which may explain why I wear women’s stockings with garter to this day. If you have good legs you should show them. Though nowadays my seams show, they are in fact my scars up my legs where the veins were harvested to fix my heart, but my legs are still great, so don’t be jealous.

I need to finish now so I’m going to help you buy socks when you are in Spain. This was a piece we learnt in Spanish 45plus years ago. If you look for socks and you cannot find them because you just cannot remember the word in Spanish, then when the shop assistant hold up various items just say No. Until he holds up socks, then you can exclaim. Eso Si Que Es. At least you have learnt some Spanish today on your way up the garden path to the potting shed with me.