Please Release Me

Please Release Me ©

By

Michael Casey

The song goes Please Release Me, Let Me Go, For I Do Not Love You Any More. There are times we may wish to scream this, maybe not tomorrow which is Valentine’s Day, though it is also Ash Wednesday 2018, so in the Future you may think Lent began as a Penance and your Relationship is just that, a Penance. Are you smiling now or secretly thinking, you dare not speak, but are you thinking how did it come to this.

It started with a kiss, and then there was Bliss, and more, but we’ll stay this side of the bedroom door, or the paper store. No names mentioned but there were many more.So Love and Romance takes our emotions Hostage. We are bundled away at Love or Lust point, we are not in control, we just have to, we must, we can, we will. It is our Free Will, in actual fact, we have no will at all, we lose all control, the Urge is upon us as they say in Ireland. We cousins said I had all my Luck I one go when I met my wife, but that’s another story.

So what about you? All of you, Lech and Boris and Gregorgi as we know were smitten by the knife skills of the Butcher’s daughters. But what about Dave? Oh he just fell for her smile, an Indian girl’s smile is dangerous, her eyes are like diamonds. Dave just had to fall in love, you have no chance when an Indian girl smiles at you.

But what of Dave’s sister Sarah? Sarah always wanted a bodybuilder but ended up with a huge fat guy called Derek. Only Derek had a secret and he knew how to use it. For Derek was a Barry White impersonator at the weekend.During the week he worked security in Tesco but at the weekends he was Barry White and he needed no padding. Derek took Sarah to a show and left her at the bar, he pretended he had a problem with his waterworks. They were in fact at the old Waterworks Club. Sarah was starting to get the hump when Derek reappeared on the stage. He turned around and looking straight into Sarah’s eyes he began.

You’re my first my last, my everything he sung. His voice was perfect, he was Barry White. Sarah began to cry, nobody had every said that to her, not even her dad. But now a really big man was singing it to her, and on Valentine’s Night. He continued with I’ll do anything for you, followed by I want you just the way you are. Sarah began to cry, her mascara running down her face. Derek got off the stage and went into the audience, he kissed her mucky mascara face.

The audience went wild, as he continued with I want you just the way you are. He picked her up and carried her to the stage and placed her in the armchair in the corner. Then he continued serenading her, all the women in the audience cried too. Why couldn’t their men be as nice to them. The entire female face had mucky mascara. Derek continued with walking in the rain with the one I love. Perfect, totally perfect. The women cried even more,the mascara ran even more. All the men did not know what to do. Derek or rather Barry White told them, Baby we better try and get it together. This was the starting gun for loving and kissing that would last all night long. Barry White continued with Baby I’m gonna love you just a little bit more.

This is the Right night sung Derek. Sarah’s heart was stolen no, she just had to have a whole lot of love, and Derek would be the man for her. Let the music play was next, but Barry White was being ignored now, I’m never gonna give you up was in action. Kissing and hugging galore. This was definitely the Right Night. Derek finished with what am I gonna do with you.

Pandemonium, Derek had not only smashed it, he had changed everybody’s lives. Sarah just had to marry him. He may be fat and too big, but he was her’s and nobody else’s. As for all the audience they ran for taxis, they were on fire Waterworks of no Waterworks. The Jazz singer had sung. Let the music play, and it would play all night long, laughter in the rain and everywhere else.

You see there was magic in Derek’s voice. He was the Love God. If you heard his voice you just had to make love, so your lady and you better be ready, because Derek was a Love Theme a la Barry White. Derek quit his job and became a full time Barry White impersonator. All the singing and moving made him lose 5 stones. He also became the bodybuilder Sarah always wanted. He was her first and last and everything.

And why didn’t I write about Please Release Me? Well Derek is a good friend too, it was me who suggested he become a Barry White impersonator. So when came over to flip some pancakes for me I got him to teach Lech and Boris and Gregorgi how to sing a few Barry White songs.  Barry White songs in Polish/Ukrainian and Russian accents. If they all get drunk enough they might teach Derek their languages. Imagine You are my First my Last my Everything taking over all of Eastern Europe and beyond, move over Gangham Syle make way for Barry’s It may be Winter Outside but in my heart it is Spring…    

and yes I really am a Barry White fan