Embarrassing Moments

Embarrassing Moments ©

By

Michael Casey

I’ve just had an embarrassing moment, we just looked at a house, and we will put an offer in, but who else turned up to look, only the people who looked at my own house on Saturday. This morning they were less than complimentary to the agent about my house. I just carried on regardless, it’s their loss. So just now we were both rivals for today’s house. And it turned out they did not like another house that we had viewed recently either, though that one IS spectacularly over priced. But it’s always nice watching people’s faces.

I’m continuing this piece after a night in hospital, lots of stabbing pains in my left shoulder, but it wasn’t my heart. Instead I will be visiting the arthritis clinic soon, which I’ve discovered is in the Maternity block. Though the delay in writing this has given me more material to think about. Just how do nurses and doctors put up with people just dropping their clothes and displaying their body?

Normally its a few weeks at least before people are relaxed enough to reveal their treasure. And then you are mightily disappointed or excited. The chase and the flirting are more fun, the big or little reveal can be most disappointing. So always bring sandwiches to eat later, or instead of. The body will fade, so good sandwiches, and conversation is the saviour of any situation. Beauty and lust will fade, but conversation and sandwiches will last forever.

There are many embarrassing situations in life, meeting me will probably be the most embarrassing, depending if I think you deserve the full surreal works, with egg and bacon and a mug of coffee on the side. The egg and bacon and a mug of coffee on the side could be a metaphor, depends on your imagination, if you are blushing with embarrassment right now then kindly leave the page. Fr. Michael is holding confessions on page 97, so go there and come back cleansed.

You can be deliberately embarrassed, your friends come and fart loudly in front of your new boyfriend. They say they were trying to save you from embarrassment by embarrassing you. Then the new boyfriend slags off your best friends. He is just a fart, slagging off your friends, you know them from Primary school, he just met you at the bus stop. So you dump him.

The next day you meet another boy, but at a different bus stop. He’s a rugby player, big and strong, he carried your rucksack, he’s a gentleman. So when your friends come along and start farting in front of him he just stands up and reveals his big bum and farts back. Then he sits down and carries on taking to you about nuclear thermo dynamics, he’s in your class but you never noticed him till you met him at the bus stop.

Your friends don’t know what to say, though they would like to see more of him, they are Art students after all. The Rugby man,and he is definitely a man , your 4 girlfriends have seen his bum after all. They blush and run away. The rugby man explains he knows the boy who slagged off your friends, so you hope you’ll forgive him. What is a girl supposed to do? So you start attending all the Varsity rugby matches.

Which reminds me I was in the crowd when we had the Twickenham streaker, the quick thinking Policeman used his helmet to hide the male streaker’s bits, to save everybody’s embarrassment. I don’t know what he did with his helmet afterwards, perhaps he had it dry cleaned.

Aside from nakedness words can bring the most embarrassment. When you are caught out slagging somebody off, you turn around and they are standing there, right behind you. What do you say? 25years ago maybe I said X was shallow and vacuous.Like a reed forever being blown over, no backbone etc. So there I was in the pub, it really was an extension of the office, we did do market research into alcohol sales after all, yes really. So X came up behind mean and confronted me, did I really say all that. So I just said YES, do you want a pint then? He said YES, and that was the end of the conversation, oh I did say don’t spill your pint.

So am I shameless, heartless or just honest. Never be embarrassed by honesty.