It's an Ill Wind

It’s an Ill Wind ©

By

Michael Casey

They say its an ill wind that blows no good, and it’s true. Yesterday my neighbour died and today one of the local beggars is picking through his discarded clothes that have been put out for the rubbish collection. Such is life. I also read something in the newspaper that made me think there could be an opportunity for me, or rather my words. However for that to happen I really do need the Help of God and Two Policemen as my mother used to say.

Strange things can and do happen, such as my entire life, I was talking to my nurse today as I had another blood test, and she was amazed at the arc of my life. One thing that happened was when I went for a job and did not get it, but the winner decided to stay at his old job when he was offered more, so I got a new job when I was  newly unemployed and really needed a job. Though it could have just been the Help of God and Two Policemen with my mother prodding from her seat in Heaven.

Though that job was a mixed bag, but I really appreciated the fact that it came along when I needed it. How I got into computers back in 1978 was luck too, my eldest brother said try Computers, I applied for one job and got it. It lasted 21years. DEC PDP 1170s if you want want to know what I worked on. A computer disc drive then was as big as a washing machine, now its as big as your thumb.

So your life goes on. How did you meet your wife? Because she had the runs and missed her flight. So she came to your city instead. Her farewell meal was a disaster for her, but it led to her coming to you, so it was an ill wind becoming good for you.

How did you become an Esol teacher? I knew I could do it because it was just talking, and I’d spent 3 years talking at the hotel, and I’d been writing for years. So I tried and 8 weeks into it I was given “Excellent, Excellent and Exemplary” on my external assessment. I think they had high staff turn over so I got my chance and discovered I could do it. Another Ill Wind coming to aid me.

You can go through your life and say, thank God this happened, or even thank God that never happened. Life can just be a flip of the coin. You could have walked straight under that bus but this bloke grabbed you by your bra strap and saved your life, as in my Dunkin Donuts story from 20 years ago. Yes you slapped his face hard as you fell  over backwards the bus just missing you. Then you fainted, so he carried you to the fountain in Victoria Square so he could sprinkle water on your face.

When you awoke it was love at first sight, especially as you knocked him into the fountain. So he had to strip to his boxers, his soaking wet boxers. So you just had to marry him. The Police did come along to see what was going on, or rather coming off. They recognised him immediately, no you hadn’t given your heart to a criminal. He was a Police Inspector on his day off. You were inspecting a Police Inspector in his boxers. The Help of God and 2 Policemen yet again. A Marriage made in the fountain in Victoria Square Birmingham.

So now you and your inspector need a home to live in, so you kept your eyes peeled, but could not find anything suitable. One night having a romantic walk with the retired Police Dog and your Inspector you stop to kiss under the moonlight. Police are very romantic you know, it’s true we have police and lawyers in my family after all. So there you are kissing in the moonlight when the Police Dog howls and chases after a cat, Fido is no longer a Police Dog so he likes chasing a few cats, instead of cat burglars.

You curse Fido as you fall over backwards, but your inspector catches you, he’s good at catching that’s why he’s an inspector. After 5 minutes of mouth to mouth, you inspector is very very very good at that, you disengage and the inspector whips out his police whistle. As you stroll in the direction Fido went you notice a large house, and its for sale. The inspector drops his whistle, but Fido dives and catches it. Then Fido pees on the garden gate, Fido has wet his whistle almost.

And that is how you found your family home, the help of God and a Police dog. And if you think this story is far fetched like something from China as my mother used to say, then I’ll just say my dog did pee on the garden gate and this is the house I’m living in. And as for something fetched from China, my wife is from Shanghai.