Press Review

Press Preview ©

By Michael Casey

As you know I am a man of simple tastes, simpleton some of you are shouting back at me, you really are so cruel, I may have to castigate you, I bet you are all crossing your legs at the very thought of being castigated. Those of you who are reading this in Russia or Singapore may be hunting for the dictionary, or thinking I am a really nasty piece of work, castigating people just for calling me a simpleton.

That’s why I love language, it has many meanings and can confuse as much as it illuminates, but best of all it is fun, better than any Transformers toy. Just shove an adjective on or an adverb or better still some really long word that sounds as if it means one thing but in fact it means another. Then you have comic possibilities, when I see my GP in the morning perhaps I’ll show my doctor my comic possibilities and then he or she may give me some ointment for them, they are a little sore after all.

What? Yes, you are saying what right now, that is the intended reaction, but you all should be smiling if a little confused. Where was I, yes Press Preview this is my nightly entertainment, on Sky and on BBC too. Here you have knowledgeable people discussing the News, which really is a Punch and Judy show for grown-ups. If you Google Punch and Judy it’ll explain it if you are one of my far flung readers, though if you imagine your in-laws arguing at Christmas over who left the bath room in such a state, then you’ll get the idea.

I really hate the Red Party they are such a group of ignorant farmers, no it’s the Blue party’s fault, when they were in Power 30 years ago it was them that sowed the seeds of hate which left us with no quality chocolate factories in our country. At Valentines what are we left with just foreign muck, we used to be a proud chocolate country, now all our chocolate comes from ZacDacLand. And on the argument goes, crashing through the adverts on Channel Big One, the latest and best of the satellite stations, a station for the discerning viewer of post watershed tv. Or Smut One as its rivals call it.

I think he is a horrid man, he always wears terrible ties, has he never been to Topshop or Zara for men, intones one reviewer while the host just laughs in between texting his girlfriend, these press previewers are all so boring, he could be in bed with his girlfriend instead of listening to this drivel. The host got a First in English from Cambridge, but he is reduced to listen to boring has been politicians, who got a GCSE in Woodwork, and that’s just the former leader of the Blue Party.

Sport is covered and Punch and Judy almost trade blows, one is a MU fan and the other a Chelsea fan, so the game is not reviewed just the size of the teams’ new car park to fit all the luxury cars the squads drive. Then they argue about who was invited into the directory’s box more often. The host just smiles, he got a Blue for RUGBY while at Cambridge, as for football, and we never call it soccer in UK, that’s just a game for Plebs as far as he is concerned.

There is always a piece about a donkey sanctuary, or the latest pill to keep us all healthy, as the reviewers argue about donkey’s and being at the seaside when they were kids the host texts his girlfriend, he talks about pills and donkeys but not it the same context as the Press Preview.

And so the Press Preview ends for another day, it has different presenters and reviewers each night, that’s what makes it so stimulating, well for somebody of my age and remember I started when I was 8 years old, so 50 years of watching Journalists. David Attenborough may do a programme on Journalists in their natural habit, the pub and the green room next to the Press Preview studio, it all depends if he could risk alcoholic poisoning at his age. He does get very close to his subjects after all.