Any News. a new story 16 feb 2022

Any News ©

By

Michael Casey

Well I’ve just had a pain attack, which is like the pack from a rugby team landing on you, my left shoulder as ever. Pain killers are not good enough, so let’s see what my doctors can find when I return to the pain clinic. I missed the original appointment as my Tinnitus was nuclear, it’s pretty loud as I talk to you right now, but I haven’t written a Story Story for a while so let’s see what I can muster, I might even stop and resume another day.

So, Ukraine is in the news and Putin smiles like a naughty school boy, he’s gone back to a side table like a café now, Table Wars are over. Like I said before he’s more than welcome to visit us in Birmingham, I was told I look Russian with my leather jacket on. As Churchill said too, Jaw Jaw is better than War War. I predict Putin will be gone by Christmas, nobody has told me anything. Maybe he’ll be a pianist in an Abba tribute band, with Trump and the Pope, and Theresa May as the lead singer. I did write about it before, I’m setting up a band I think I called it. Donald wears a Kilt and nothing beneath, and as he struts his stuff, we see his assets or is it mushrooms, I cannot say as I’ve signed a none disclosure agreement. 

So, Any News is what I’m asked when I talk to the family, did you hear who died, never I thought she was dead anyway. No not her, but the other one with the bad hair do. Oh her, yes her the whoer , which is how Irish people pronounce whore. Did you see the 15 motor bikes outside her door, the house reeked of dope, you had to wash your clothes even if you just walked by.  Her pussy lost its miaow, and it was the RSPCA who finally closed her down, cruelty to animals, a spaced out cat. So, a RSPCA inspector finally chased the bikers away, and they said he was rabid, or his name was Rashid. He put paid to bad pussy treatment. Passive smoking for cats can kill them, and caused mental illness in people. Imagine the poor cat thinking it’d lost a life or two, as its eyes were bigger that dustbin lids. Leave your cat out if you smoke dope you stupid animals, you are behaving inhuman to pussies.

Then what else, Mr This or was it Mr That, he is in hospital, what happened to him. They say he fell over in the road, outside Saint Jude’s, you mean he was at Mass and then fell over in the road. No, he was outside Saint Jude’s social club and somebody waved goodnight to him and he lost his footing, as he waved back to them, as he said Good Night John, three times. Do you remember him, he always said it 3 times when he waved our old dad bye years ago when we were kids. But he must be 90 something now.  92 my friend Jean the nurse told me. I’ve been to see him and brought him grapes. 3 Generations of people are queueing to see him, the Drs even know him from when they were kids. Consultants are all checking up on him, as if he is royalty, the security crew are there too, everybody but everybody knows him. The Priest even came to say Mass in the ward for him. But he’s a nobody like us, that’s true, but they say he always prayed for Everybody, and Saint Jude is a personal friend of his, so he’s being treated like royalty. 

Did you know the Coop is closing down, but they are so nice in there, really really nice, and the security guy Paul too is a gentleman. So, you’ve been to get the closing down bargains? Of course, cannot resist a bargain, but it’s a pity they are closing. I wish it it stayed open. But the Lidl and Tesco and Asda and Sainsbury are so close and bigger and parking too. So, Coop will close, so you’ll hurry to get a bargain or two. I remember one of the staff giving a beggar a cuppa in the winter, and I gave him chocolate. Now her kindness will be forgotten, as you grab the last bargains, and Coop closes its doors forever more.

Did you see that film on tv, Rocky Horror is 47 years old, from 1975. Christopher Biggins was in it. But did you know the stage show is still running, and maybe back in the 1990s my play Shoplife was not finally produced as they did Rocky Horror instead. Or is that just my bad Googling, I’ll never know. But it’s a good bit of conjecture, whatever conjecture means, sounds obscene. Oh, talking of obscene My small daughter saw a naked man in the house opposite, he’d left his landing light on and his curtains were open. She came down screaming from her bedroom. The man is nearly ninety I believe, too much sex  education.

And on we go, talking to each other, or whatsapping one another. The best thing from Lockdown is seeing each other face to face and not just on the phone, as that would be horrible. Though some of my family insist I’m better on the phone, instead of on camera.  I’ll go and sulk now, but at least I’ve written something new. A new story story. So, all of you all over the world that read my rubbish, be good, as ET said, and I can remember Alan Watson saying he cried when he saw the film ET all those years ago. I haven’t seen him or his horse in 30 years, he’s probably big in IT now. So this is a hobbled Michael Casey  the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham saying, Be Good Everybody, and Vladimir get practicing for your Future in an Abba Tribute band. Rejoice Rejoice Emmanuel.