The Flower man

The Flower Man ©

By Michael Casey

Kevin was the Flower Man, that’s what everybody called him. Some did not even know he was a Kevin. Kevin is a name some mock, like Colin, that’s Colin, not Co – Lin as the American general is called, though Co – Lin could possible be one of my Chinese relatives, but maybe I’m Nameist, whatever. Maybe we just laugh more here in England, you’ll have to visit and find out for yourself.

How did Kevin lose his name and become the Flower Man? Well that’s easy he used to work in Patrick’s Bakery in Old Forge and Singing Anvil, so he was always covered in flour, and smelt of baguettes, that was before the French brothers took over the day to day running of the bakery. So as Kevin was toast, as far bakery was concerned, he decides he’d have a change.

Kevin did not want to smell of bread anymore, and humping sacks of flour had given him a bad back over the years. He had enough of people joking that his dandruff was too bad, it really was the flour dust on his shoes. Though not always, as Kevin had smelly feet too, so sometimes he put talcum powder inside his shoes to soak up the sweat. Only it seeped though his shoes, and left dust on them. He was forever white on his shoes, no diamonds on his shoes, just talc or flour dust. People mock you for trying to save their noses, so Kevin decided when he left the bakery, he’d really get up people’s noses, he’d open a flower shop.

So Kevin opened his little flour shop, he did think to call in Dandruff flowers, but in the end cheap alliteration won, Delightful Flowers, I know that’s not alliteration, but nobody knew what the word alliteration meant either, so that’s what he said and everybody believed him. All except a teacher, called Rosy Wallclimber, yes she really was called Rosy, and Wallclimber was some obscure German name corrupted over the decades. But more about Rosy later.

Kevin and his flower shop just grew and grew, like Rosemary, or like Japanese knotweed. Kevin just had the knack with flowers and little potted plants. He was the talk of Old Forge and Singing Anvil. If only he knew he had green fingers up to his elbows decades ago, then his back wouldn’t play him up. Business blossomed like a Cherry Orchard tree, and with a bunch of his best bouquet love did blossom under the maple tree in the corner of the cemetery. That’s where lovers loved with just the dead as witnesses, well in Old Forge and Singing Anvil that is. There are special places everywhere in the world, here in Old Forge and Singing Anvil that’s one place, I’d blush if I elaborated.

Now Rosy Wallclimber bought some roses for Miss Lump the Maths teacher who was her dear friend, she had just had another baby. You may remember Miss Lump had a cat called Tororo who was a bad cat but wasn’t, you can look it up for yourselves. Now Miss Lump was so lucky to find Tomas Martin the Vet to be her one true love, when she could have stayed all alone. Her best friend was Rosy Wallclimber who taught English, so Rosy laughed when Kevin said Delightful Flowers was alliteration, how could he know she was a teacher, and a Primary school English teacher. They  just clicked, even though Kevin was 20 years older.

So Rosy Wallclimber was forever buying flowers  from Kevin, or The Flower Man I should say. When she gave him her card to pay for the flowers it was his turn to laugh, and that’s what brought them together. Laughter. And Rosy’s car broke down, so while she waiting in the flower shop she did some marking of the kid’s books. She felt totally at home amongst the flowers.  So she used to pop in and use his big counter to mark the kids’ books.

Now Rosy was getting older now, nothing wilting yet, but she knew she’d never be married and have kids like the former Miss Lump. But she was happy, and amongst  all the flowers she felt doubly happy.  She had a dizzy spell one day, she was too busy to stop and eat, which is deadly if you are diabetic, so Kevin the Flower Man said lay on the counter, while he dead headed some plants in the back. So Rosy lay on the counter holding a potted plant on her belly, the smell of violets would revive her. Percy the Undertaker here in Old Forge and Singing Anvil did a double take as he walked by, he thought it could be work for him.

So a few hours later Rosy arose and after a minute remembered where she was,  Kevin asked did she want a cuppa, so they had a cuppa. And maybe she had a dream, or it was too much alliteration, but Rosy decided she wanted a man, just like in the song, by Annie Lenox. Was it wrong? She’d been using his counter for 3 years now, and she just loved been surrounded by flowers. So Rosy twinkled and Kevin twinkled back, she turned the sign to closed and pulled down the shutters. English teachers have a mastery of words, and she went through the alphabet with him, she alliterated him. In return he planted his seeds and gently stroked her hair. Nature has a time for everything, a Season, Rosy was in season and maybe without reason, she was no longer green, but would flourish.

Rosy Wallclimber climbed all over Kevin the Flower Man, and yes of course she flowered. Was it wrong, she was 20 years younger, and now had a bun in the oven from the former baker. Rosy was delighted and so was Kevin, breaking bread as a family would be so so nice. And yes they had twins, and 2 more sets of twins afterwards, Rosy really was a Wallclimber. She had a bit of money saved too, and she’d need it now. They had a tiny Tribit speaker  installed in the flower shop, to help the flowers grow and to serenade the 3 sets of twins. It was more multiplication than alliteration, but Rosy was happy. Love had climbed the wall of age, and she could always have a nap on the counter in the shop.