Going around in circles or loading software for beginners

Going around in circles or loading software for beginners ©

By

Michael Casey

Well it’s taken a week but I’m finally there, or I think I am. I now have Word 2019, I got a download and away I went. Or rather I discovered I was duped, my download “worked” only it then displayed “this product will be unlicensed in 20something days” So I was really annoyed. So I emailed the folks  I bought it off, and their advert did say it was genuine Microsoft Word. What they forgot to say was that it would DIE, because the KEY had been used too often already.

Years ago I bought on CD Microsoft Office 2010 and I loved that to bits, but as there were problems with Windows 10 over the years I had to load or rather reload it several times. Until finally it died, too many loads. So, I emigrated to free Wordish programs. However, as I was so annoyed that my brand spanking new Word 2019 would not work for me I decided to dig out my discs of Word 2010 and try a load of that, as I prayed to Bill Gates. And yes, you’ve guessed it, IT ACTUALLY WORKED.

So, I was in Word Heaven again. I did annoy the company who sold it to me, and allegedly I could ring a friend and it would work. The friend being a Microsoft phone number. But I thought that could be a trick, so I did not bother. I have been saved and my Word 2010 would be good enough for me. With this Covid pain in the pants thing I thought I deserved a nice Word Processor, so at least I’d be having fun as I wrote the stuff, even if you my readers think this writing is PANTS, you can be so cruel sometimes, you my bemused bewildered and bothered readers in 80 countries, and languages galore, and if you find the translate button you’ll drown in a Tsunami of my words, all 1,600,000 or so of them.

But it’s nice having nice tools, or should I rephrase that. A butcher has his favourite cleaver, a cleaner her favourite feather duster, a teacher her favourite red pencil, a policeman his favourite handcuffs for work and for pleasure, and a stripper her favourite thong that fits just right so she can shake her bootie. Myself I don’t use a thong as I am so hairy, but otherwise, anyway, every pro, every professional likes the tools of the trade. So, me or I, me anyways I just love a good font to write with, and to sprinkle holy water from.

So last night I decided I’d never get my few quid back from the 1^st company, even though I tried to bribe them with a copy of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker, in Chinese, as I tried to guess where they were from judging by the less than perfect English in their email. So, a final roll of the dice I sent them a copy in Urdu, plus a photo of myself with a banana on my head. If they cannot read English maybe a silly photo might work, as a picture is worth more than 1000 words. That night I had a junk email in Korean from a fake name, that referenced a female Bosnian tank commander, with short hair. Was that my seller of Word 2019 software with an overused KEY? I don’t know but everything is material I can put into a story. And no, I never use substances, my writing is substantial enough on its own.

So last night I chose between a London company and another which said it was a Microsoft Partner. London won, and I followed their link which led me directly to Microsoft and I got a fully spanking new copy of Word 2019, I knew it was spanking new, as Donald Trump’s Guide to Spanking was a free giveaway with it. Or am I making that up to fill a sentence and increase my word count, some writers do get paid, and paid by quantity of words. Though even with this London copy once you load it down via Microsoft you have go here and there and login and do this and do that, no need of Trump’s Guide to Spanking, just a guide to where to click and so on. 

So, finally at about 10pm I was all Worded up, and I wrote the first sentence of this piece. And you wish I did not bother, I can read you all like a book, you can read all 19 of my books as a punishment. Never interfere with a Writer, not unless he encourages you, after a good dinner and wine with music and the rest. But that was obvious, but you still smiled, if you didn’t you are reading the wrong Michael Casey, try the Monk instead.

I did try complaining about the original company, but to no avail, maybe an  anvil would have been of more use to hammer home my case on, as you know my dad was a blacksmith after all. But today I had another idea, I’d message Microsoft, so if anybody at Microsoft got my email maybe just maybe they’ll slap the bum of the naughty company, they can wear gloves, or follow the instructions in Trump’s Spanking Guide.

So, I’ve about finished my first story on Microsoft Office 2019, if you are a shareholder maybe you’ll dash of a message to them, NEVER NEVER NEVER let that Fat Silver Haired Writer in Shades from Birmingham EVER get his hands on Word. He’ll ruin the business, what kind of people does he think we are, when Lockdown is over we’ll throw flour at his door. To which I reply the Whole World can visit, but make Cookies, don’t waste flour on my door.