Lazy August Day in 2019

Lazy August Day in 2019 ©

By 

Michael Casey

As I look around the house I can see my big daughter asleep on one of the sofas, asleep like a pig as we say. Upstairs little sister is reading Jane Eyre, she’s decided to use the Summer Holidays as Study Boot Camp, as well as doing some stretch exercises as she wants to be as tall as her taller big sister.  I’m just happy to be as I am, so long as various pains stay away more frequently.

Totoro the cat materialises like mist on the kitchen window, as a sign she wants to be let in. If the bathroom window is open she’ll let herself in, otherwise it’s up to us to let her in. Then she scratches the kitchen chairs, a scratching post isn’t as much fun, you have to chase her before she’s had enough fun and stops. Only to jump on the bulk buy of cat food, like a mountain climber, trying to scrounge our food before settling for 2^nd best, cat food.

These are normal ordinary events in our house, in every home. I put my coat on and head for the front door, Totoro wants to come too, she’s come in the back and been fed now she wants to go out again. A cat controls you, not the other way around. So Totoro scratches at the front door and jumps out and then up onto the garden wall, this is her spot, on the wall, like a lion decorating a fountain.

I go down the hill fast to the store, it’s going back up which is the hard bit. The boss of the store is wearing shorts, summer uniform, I nod hello to him before I dive in looking for all the bargains. ACNielsen once divided shoppers into types, I am very much the Bargain Man, my old company was in fact bought up by ACNielsen, so hello to any in Headington who may remember me before my Writing Epiphany, yes it’s really me, Steve Jones if you remember me.

In store the yogurts are on offer, as is the Robinsons, so my bargain hunting greed is assuaged. I get my usual bottle of milk, so now I’m ready to go. To face the climb back up K2, but the weight of the shop bears down on me, despite spreading the load in two bags, otherwise my chest will pain me for days. Four years on and I still have to be very careful with using my upper body, you can make up your own jokes about using my lower body.

On the way out I stop to ask the boss does he shave his legs, which are on display, and advise him that Immac is so much better. And no he hasn’t banned me from his shop, not yet. Then I stride forward wishing we had an escalator up the hill. I use a young couple with a child in push chair as pacemakers, at least I don’t have a Pacemaker myself yet, just quadruple heart bypass.

I stop to rest and breath like a stalker 1/3 of the way up the hill, then I forge forward, and stop again at my usual base camp place. Another couple come down with a baby in a pushchair, I joke that the escalator is being installed next week, they laugh, or maybe they were humouring the Santa look alike with his beard shaved for the Summer, I am all in red after all.

I stagger on around the corner to our street, then I rest at base camp the final one, the owner gave me permission to use his wall, he smiled like an Osmond brother when he said it was ok. Maybe he just did not want to give CPR to an 18stone Santa look alike, but thanks anyway.

Now I’m on the final stretch, 2 litres of milk and 2 litres of dilute plus a few other things is heavy after all. Totoro jumps out to greet me, it’s begun to rain she wants in again, the front door will  do, thank you very much.  So I unload the door and take my street  shoes off, then bring the shopping through the house to the kitchen. My big daughter is still asleep like a pig, and Jane Eyre is still being read upstairs, so Totoro goes upstairs to listen. Totoro did do English Lit  at Cat On a Hot Tin Roof School, what else do you think cat’s do at night with all that screaming. They are reading Jane Eyre.