Embarrassing Names

Embarrassing Names ©

By

Michael Casey

This story is brought to you thanks to Jeff Bezo and Peckergate as my newspaper called it. As you may have spotted some of my writing style is Gerald Wiley who is the bastard son of Joyce Grenfell and Ronnie Corbett, I’ll pause while you all google the names. They are comic performers, Gerald Wiley was the writing nom de plume of Ronnie Barker who was the best comic tv actor UK ever produced. Readers in England are now debating it instead of reading this.

  

The irony of tonight is that Donald Trump always boasted of his hands not being in proportion to the size of his, shall we say how’s your father, though in future if Jeff Bezo forgives me, it will be called the size of your Bezo, a new metaphor I’ve coined tonight. Shakespeare would be proud, and his Bezo broke his codpiece, I’m sure Falstalf and Sir Toby Belch would concur before falling over drunk, 17 pints of Stella Artois and only one packet of walkers cheese and onion crisps to soak it up. I did do Henry IV part One for English Lit after all, or was it part 2 , the movers could have lose it in transit, in their transit.

So there you have it. Trump says he is no saint after the Access Holywood tape. The Clinton server news loses her enough votes for Trump to win the Electoral College, which sounds like a dodgy thing Trump may have once owned. The giant FBI guy had to reveal all, and the rest is a load of yogurt, a Meuller yogurt.

So the poetic irony is this, could it be a load of old Bezo, as in held in a codpiece which is the untying of Trump’s Presidency. How was Bezo’s as in the man, how was his Bezo, as in the contents of his codpiece shared with the world, when it was only for his one true love, his mylady. If naughtiness was castrated, sorry I mean orchestrated, by another party for Political Revenge, then we shall all be dancing a merry dance, hey noddy oh, hey noddy oh. Does your cordwangle  dangle free in the wind, or do you tie it up with a bamboo stick and string, or is that a dingaling. Rambling Sid Rumbhold from Around the Horne meets Chuck Berry.

Naughtiness and Frolics are afoot, I said Frolics you Shakespeare uneducated Riff and Raff, how did the Rocky Horror show get to the page.Lots of stockings and suspenders and cross dressings are afoot, or is that just Democrats in Virginia. The Bells the Bells of Justice are ringing, or it may just be I have the speakers too high on my hifi, Mike is plowing an Oldfield, dragging his bells behind, he is such a big man, but his hands are so small too.

Now the question is why has this taken 2 years, not an Amazon delivery, they are very quick, especially with Prime, and thanks for the pay rise. No what I mean, just a moment while I rearrange my codpiece, I had it on back to front I was sitting on it. Silly Me, Frankie Howerd left it too me in his Will, in his Will Shakespeare of course, do keep up or I’ll ask that Gem Jon Sopal from the BBC to explain, no on second thoughts just sit Jon. The way he can inflect 7 meanings with just one word, ask him to say “Really” in the Press Bar in DC.

Where as I, I was inflicting on you, bring an umbrella next time. Why has it taken 2 years to make a yogurt, Meuller you aren’t even wearing your clean room clothes. What, you need wellies, pardon WELLIES, I thought he used another word, so Meuller needs wellington boots as there’s so much, shall we say so may Gems everywhere. Trumps calls the Press Gems, it doesn’t mean Jon Sopal and his posse are like diamonds. Trumps calls them Gems he means something else, gems are found at the bottom of a spoil heap down a pit, a bit like the old outhouses. And Trump would like to spoil on the spoils if you get my meaning. Didn’t you do The Obscure it’s a 4 year Legal course for Bastards, sorry I mean Barristers, or Lawyers if you are American.

I hope you are following this, its a zig with a zag or is it a zag with a zig, it’s how defence lawyers defend the un-defendable. Ok they LIE, hang on some Lady says its Alternative Facts, I just wish she’s go back on the road with Dolly Parton, but she insists on Standing By Her Man. So the saga goes on. 2 years and it’s like that Wagon that loses one wheel after another, that Lady is singing it now, maybe she really will go back on tour with Dolly Parton.

In UK, our Press would pour scorn and Jon Sopal’s 3^rd version of Really, would elicit laughter and open scorn on the Politician. He’d be out, no matter the size of his hands, only to return to appear on Strictly Come Dancing. Do you think Trump can do any part of Strictly-Come-Dancing? My imagination has gone wild now, somebody fetch the oxygen I think I’m having a funny turn. I have a copy of the National Geographic, perhaps I should roll it up and get somebody to spank me with it. World Wide coverage and good for the planet, the magazine not the spanking.

The Horror show that is this Presidency goes on and everybody suffers, especially the workers during silly shutdowns. We are supposed to respect the President and the Presidency. This is a total joke. REALLY, yes really. I don’t need any reporter to report it, the whole world is amazed, let’s all pray for the President. Because Putin is right he is too immature, and Obama was right he is not fit to be President. But while he is at the desk of power, we should all pray for him, so he does not blow the entire world up.

PUTIN’s PUPPET should be the catch phrase for Republicans and Democrats and maybe if we repeat it often enough the Religious Right might finally wake up too. Really, yes really.