Friend CV

Friend CV ©

By

Michael Casey

I was thinking about nothing in particular, and a few ideas came to mind. A great priest we know died the other day, my sister passed on the news last night. So obviously that brought back memories, my sister said he cried when our mother died. He was one of 5 priests who jointly celebrated her Funeral Mass with a church packed with 100s, I can remember him saying when my dad finally died 5.5 years later, think of the Welcome. So today let’s think of the Welcome he will receive from the both of them.

Only when you die do you really know what people think of you, only when you die do you discover who your friends really were. It’s far better to find out while you are alive, and share a drink, share a meal, share laughter with them. Or that best friend you share a bed with, and share a life with.

So what I want to talk about today is friendship, and how do we become friends, do we have to have a CV and if it’s good enough we get the job of being a friend. What would you put on your Friend CV, I’d put I abhor the Friends tv show, all smiles and teeth. How do strange bedfellows become best friends? Mandy was the girl who had it all, but she was had by a bad boy and her heart was broken, her friends just stood around useless.

But Tracy who longed to be part of the group just tagged along minding the coats and handbags, that’s all she was good for. But when Mandy’s heart was broken by Vincent, who thought he was God’s gift, he was such a hunk, but but but, he went too far and Tracy was livid. She went up to his table and sat on his lap, she was a big girl a very big girl, then reaching over she grabbed his pint, she wanted to grab something else and rip them off, but she controlled herself and settled for pouring a pint all over him and his designer clothes.

You big fat ugly bitch, screamed Vincent, the DJ scratched his record. Vincent raised his fist as if to hit Tracy. You are just a big girl’s blouse was Tracy’s reply as she grabbed him by the labels and thew him to the floor, before straddling his body. A girl must know how to defend herself and Tracy was a Judo black belt. Let me comb your hair as  she slapped his face. Mandy he needs another drink, and Mandy came and took a pint from his table and poured it all over him. Beer shampoo will make you ever so good laughed Tracy, as Mandy helped Tracy up. The boys on Vincent’s table were livid, and made the mistake of standing up. So Tracy had to take all 4 of them out, I forgot to say, as nobody took Tracy out she had plenty of time for Judo lessons, as was in fact a 3^rd Dan Black Belt, Putin was a pussy compared to her.

The hall erupted in applause, every girl who’d ever had their heart broken by anybody screamed and shouted. The DJ put The Winner Takes It All on the speakers. Though the crowd walked Tom, who any girl would die for, he walked up behind Tracy spinning her around, will you dance with me. He was Tom, head of security. He’d seen Tracy’s moves and he’d been moved. He was a Black Belt too, a multiple Black Belt and now true love had come calling.

Tracy had proved she was a good friend to Mandy, she did not need to fill out a CV, she had proved by her actions the kind of friend she was. A friend in need is a friend in deed. As for Tom, he could look past the “big, fat, ugly” tag he’d seen the girl inside, she was the only girl for him. Where had she been all his life? She was always training, but at the session before or after him, they had never met, so close but never meeting, like sliding doors.

As for Vincent and his mates, they were banned for life.