The Flies Around our Lives

The Flies Around Our Lives ©

By

Michael Casey

Well its 3pm and the wife is out relaxing or rather having a business lunch then she’ll meet some Shanghai friends in downtown Birmingham. A busy day for her. But lie is all about balance, this morning as the snow fell she was busy washing the fleas out of our cat. Obviously it was my fault because I did not get a new flea collar for the cat time around. Even though now she has a red rubber flea collar with a bell on. The collar with the “best bitch”medal has long since gone.

So there I found the wife washing the cat in the bath, just when I wanted a pee, and I always want a pee. So I told the cat to close her eyes while I had my pee, the cat just laughed, she had seen it all before, she is a cat that goes out at night after all. Hence the fleas. So the cat was washed with my citrus shampoo, as the citrus is supposed to keep the fleas away. Perhaps a new medallion with a rude message for the fleas might work.

So I went back to bed for another hour as I’d been up much earlier, thanks to Arthur my arthritis, I think its all the cold weather bringing it on. Later on I said hello to the cat who just gave me a lion look, she’d claw my, well she’d just claw my, if I didn’t shut up. Cats don’t like being washed. As for the wife she put on her posh clothes and went away for fancy food. The snow still tumbling down, she grabbed some money from my purse, so she could by cat flea spray from the Vet on the way to her fancy food. Yes I have a purse for coins and a wallet for notes, my dad had a purse too, which was in his pocket as he worked in the steel works. So I follow his manly tradition.

Now its later and its like steam bath in the house as we have put all the washing on the radiators to dry, yes people still do that in 2018. One daughter has come downstairs in her bright pink pyjamas that grannie sent from Shanghai, she is now feeding herself on chicken dippers by Birds Eye, a staple for the girls in our house. Its a change from all the Chinese food. The other has decided to walk in the snow to the church to do the Music Tidy, I told her not to go, but I was ignored, so I told her not to moan when she got a cold. Common Sense has to be learnt the hard way. I was lucky I watched all our  lodgers 50 years ago, and learnt many things.

The cat had been hiding behind the settee next to the radiator but she has since slipped up the stairs to hide in one of the bedrooms. Everything in its place, and a place for everything. If only I could put my Arthritis in the bin, that would be the perfect place for it. My mug is the computer desk to my left, to the left as the right side has the computer tower and to avoid potential mishaps the left is the safe side. The printer by my feet is covered in protective paper just in case of those coffee spills, and thank God for that. So everything is in its place.

When I’ve finished talking to you this piece will find its place on my sites https://butcherbakerundertaker.blogspot.co.uk/   and

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/  and it’ll be backed up and secured too. So my words have their place in cyberspace and on my PC and security. I’m tidy and methodical, and you need to be, especially in a busy household or things disappear, such as girls’ leggings. My wife and my smallest daughter are the same size and my eldest daughter is a bigger size, but with leggings one size fits all. So yesterday we had the Pantomime of where are my leggings. After much name calling we found them. They had been left on the outside washing line when we’d been in a hurry to bring the washing in. And no I had not been wearing them, women’s silk stockings yes and high heels I will wear, in my private moments, you have all seen De Niro in Stardust. There is a time and a place for everything.

I may pop out to the shops if the snow melts, depending on how my Arthur feels. It is like having an unwanted invisible friend having arthritis. Either way its quiet with the wife out of the house, she’ll no doubt reappear telling us all what great food she had twice. I’ll say any doggy bag? And she’ll reply I’m too fat already,being 3 times her weight literally means that’s her permanent put-down. I say think of my life insurance, so she smiles before changing back into her farmer clothes. Pyjamas with a National Geographic fleece on top, makeup is removed too so she then looks 17.

So that’s a look at life with the Shanghai/Birmingham Caseys, Tororo our cat will reappear later looking for love and snacks. We have to put her collar back on, without the bell she could be an assassin or a Ninja cat. But most of all there are no fleas on her. And even if there were my wife would never let me eat them, as I’m too fat already.