Tidying youself up

Thursday, 1 June 2017

Tidying Yourself Up

Tidying Yourself Up ©

By

Michael Casey

If you saw the photo I posted earlier today then you will know that I’ve tidied myself up today, just by having a £5 haircut at my local Pakistani barbers. We also have Russian and Italian barbers, not to mention the other 10 hairdressers and barbers we have up the road.

A man can have the 3 S , Sh_, Shower and Shave. Then hey presto you look 20 years younger, in my case at any rate. Or you go out looking like a wreck but 15 mins in the shower and having a shave and using the toilet first does make a difference. By going to the toilet you lose enough weight for your trousers to fit.

 Then by shaving the white stubble disappears and you look 20 years younger. Its a pity about the silver hair that goes down your neck and all along your back. So you are a werewolf man, a real actual werewolf, hope its not a full moon tonight man, or I’m going to get some silver bullets ready.

If you actually polish your shoes, both shoes, and with the same polish on each shoe, then you have immediately smarten up your act. Shoelaces are a good idea too, if they match and are the same length that is even better. Socks are good too, especially if they are the same colour and you have not been wearing them for a month.

Nothing is worse than stinky feet especially if you are having an interview. You could of course sprinkle talc in your shocks before you put your shoes on. This is good, but the seal on the shoes and the socks is never perfect, so you leave a trail of white talc everywhere you go, rather like a snails trail. But at least no bad smell.

Trousers are always a good idea, especially clean trousers, but if you do wear a kilt then don’t forget to wear some woolly knickers underneath. But if you are Scotsman all you need is a kilt and a big big smile, but don’t spin around too fast, or the whole world will soon know if you are a true Scotsman or not.

Now a clean shirt, without toothpaste stains all the way down the front is a great idea too. Maybe a tie as well, if you are going to a very formal interview, or trying to impress on your first date with the local Mortician Mandy. You don’t want to appear too stiff on your first date after all.

Depending on the weather you may have a jumper on as well, just make sure the knot of your tie is exposed, and you have no toothpaste stains on your jumper either. Speaking of exposed, check that your zipper is closed too, you don’t want to make a wrong impression on the interview panel after all. But if you are having an interview at the local Naturist store then maybe an open zipper would be in order, a kind of visual handshake if you like.

All in all clothes do maketh the man, as does a wash and brush up, Dan Dan was a desperate man who combed his hair with the leg of the chair, after washing his face in a frying pan. But that does not mean you should follow his example, not unless you girlfriend is into grunge. Or maybe a Jezza Corbyn fan if I an be Political.

Yes do tidy yourself up, but remember real people like to hear what you have to say, and they can close their eyes as they listen to you. Or maybe you didn’t realise you were being interviewed by the Blind school, so all your efforts though laudable were in fact in vain. If you can make a blind man laugh, without giving his dog a bone, then you really do deserve that job teaching English at the blind school.

There is one thing you could say to make a blind man laugh or any man who loves his dog. Tell him Michael Casey’s dog peed on a house and as he led the dog away hurriedly he noticed that the house was for sale. So by hitting the spot Michael Casey found his new home. A house blessed by dog pee.