Who's Counting

Who’s Counting ©

By Michael Casey

I thought I’d write another piece before I went to bed, but I had no idea what to talk to you about, so I put the kettle on and thought how long would it be before it boiled, I wanted to fit in the story and get to bed before Midnight. Then the idea came to me, Counting. We all Count, we count everything, that’s why the Abacus was invented. My mother in law in Shanghai had one on her desk at work.

So we count this and we count that, everything has a countdown, 10 9 8 etc when a satellite goes into space, or when North Korea bullies the World, you will do this or else in so many weeks or days or seconds there will be trouble. Mothers warn their children and then finally with or without warning there is a big slap. Though nowadays you are not allowed the slap and you have spare the rod and spoil the child. Is that what’s happened with North Korea? Or am I being too Political?

Let’s take it back a notch, and perhaps notch is an appropriate word. They say a “man” has so many girls they are just notches on his bedpost, when girls should know that this “man” is no man at all, he should have had his face slapped before he even got to 1^st base, and as for home runs, they would stay a figment in his imagination. People count the number of flowers and trips that the boy gives before he is allowed this or that, or even the other. Or sometimes the Urge is upon them both and no counting happens before, just multiplication afterwards.

As you may notice I just plant the seeds in your imagination and let you harvest for yourself, that’s my chosen writing style. But what of the couple, when the coupling is over, what have they got left. They are together because they like looking at the stars in the back garden, or going to watch the game together, whether it is football or cricket, or just holding hands and walking in the woods together. As the number, the amounts grow then so does the Love, people like doing things over and over again, we like familiarity, we like constancy. 

Though some people like constant change, and if there is a mismatch then there is friction or lack of it, but you are making up cartoons in your own mind now.We count the number of years we were together, and thank God the old bastard died, or why oh why God did you let him die. Life is a pendulum and it can swing this way or that, we even had the swinging 60s when I was a child, now I’m approaching my own swinging 60s. Though I have told my girls 70 is probably where the exit, my exit will be.

I always used to say I wanted to live till I was 100, that’s when I was 8 without a quadruple heart bypass under my belt with a side order of CKd and Arthur my Arthritis to name but 3 weaknesses. Yes, I still do want to reach 100, but am I pessimistic or honest by telling my girls my prediction for my own future? I get a goodnight kiss from one daughter each night, while the other burns the Midnight Oil, so she can be a Doctor in 10 years’ time.

Is it pointless in counting anything? What will be will be so the song goes, but we are obsessed with Hit Parades and the Weekly Chart Positions, when those positions really ae not worth thinking about. Other positions are much more fun, but again I just give you a word and you think of ancient books, it’s all in your minds you know. I said nothing, you are all imagining things for yourself, its PANTO after all, panto on the radio.

When you learn you are a novice, please move on with your thoughts all of you. As I just said but I’ll repeat for the stragglers, we all start as beginners, we are novices, but we gain knowledge so we become more proficient. How does Doug driver the 18 wheeler so well, how can Hank cook 40 breakfasts so fast every morning at the Diner. Where did Jerry learn to speak 14 languages, was it just a way to chat up anything in a skirt? Why do kids just love Mandy, it’s as if she is their real mum.

It’s about counting in a way, the amount of times you repeat things adds to your proficiency. At first you are defensive and say this is the first time you have done this or done that. Then you say I’ve only done this once or twice, then before you know it you are an expert, ok Ken won’t slap you around the back of the head any more. Then you are left alone to get on with the job whatever the job is, and then finally you are trusted.

When you reach the stage when you can teach somebody your task, then you really have mastered the role you are in. Would you like to be a teacher you are asked? And that’s how you became at the Sewage Works Manager, what else were you expecting me to say, Driving Test Examiner or Sex Therapist? It’s all in your mind, can somebody bring Barry a tissue he just spilt his coffee all over Julie’s desk.

After years of doing the same thing, thousands and thousands of times you can just get plain sick of it. People wonder what happened why did Francis just jack it in and join a Rock band, or enter the Priesthood? There is a magic number and when you hit that number you may re-evaluate where you are. An illness makes you think how much time you have wasted or how much time you have got left.

Every good night kiss is sacred, yet each good night kiss is full of hope, Jesus keep my fat daddy safe, let me have him live with me in my cottage with my kids when he is old and I’m all grown up. And I’m counting on my daughters’ prayers for this to happen. Every word I write is a farewell for the future, I’ll be gone but my words will still be here, ready and waiting for my girls to read. 

I hope all of you too laugh and sometimes cry with me now, and whenever I leave this life, but how can you count Love? It’s a Gift freely given, so share some love and enjoy every day you have, just practice your multiplication tables well or you will get a slap.