The
One Reader ©
By
Michael Casey
First
of all before I begin can I thank the Polish guy who stumbled over me, he
should watch where he is going in future or I’ll slap the back of his legs with
a wet lettuce. I hope that translates well, or my Polish readers will be
annoying all their English friends for an explanation, the simple answer is
Larry Grayson they can google him and watch his videos.
It’s
14.05 and let’s see how long this piece takes to write, and if you read
yesterday’s note I’ve just had an exterior look at a house we can afford, but
will it be nice inside, I’ll find out tomorrow. We’ll need space for all my
daughter’s books as she starts the path to being a Dr. assuming the GCSEs go
well.
So
I’ve decided to speculate on who is my lone USA reader, whenever I post a new
piece USA pop’s up immediately, just one reader, later there can be more it’s
as if a piece of string is attached to my keyboard and when I hit post it pulls
a bell on my reader’s USA desk.
So
who could it possibly be? Could it be the Donald or Barron his son, he is
supposed to like his computers. Donald keeps strange hours so it could be him,
with the time difference and so on, he may have been reading up on Birmingham
and Sessions, and stumbled into the First Birmingham, the one in England where
I am.
Or
Barron may have clicked on really stupid people in photos, all my snaps are
stupid deliberately, I have cornered that market. I detest all these posted
photos of writers and actors and politicians for that matter. Let the
politicians clean the toilets for a day, or any other kind of work. One day a
month in real work, not observing but doing the actual job.
Hey
Donald mover your fat arse and clean those tables, I did work in a hotel for 3
years, doing everything, which made it real fun, but very hard work, CPNEC
Birmingham. So that’s the idea, Donald you can have that one for free, though I
have a friend who is a good golfer so you could give him a free golfing
holiday. Before we move on, Donald the true mark of a man is his humanity, and
being able to say SORRY. You lose more face by not saying SORRY, and I’m
married to a Shanghai girl, so…
Who
else could it possibly be reading me stuff straight off the Press with the ink
still wet in cyber space? Rupert Murdoch, yes the man himself, the guy in the
brown shoes, I have that at least in common with him, brown shoes used to be
cheaper than black. That’s how he financed his Fox business, brown shoes. Go
work it out for yourself, if you buy brown shoes and save 10 dollars a time
then you multiply it up on a scale of millions, you soon have billions in your
war chest.
It
helps too if you wrote Blue Suede Shoes, Rupert Murdoch used to love Blue Suede
Shoes, he switched to brown as they showed the dirt less. Anyways Rupert wrote
the song for Elvis and every time it’s played he gets Royalties, he bought a
Juke Box company too, so every time a dime goes in the slot to play his song he
gets more money for his mergers and acquisitions. Shepherd Smith can verify
this as Rupert told him when he has his 3 monthly appraisal, Shepherd’s
appraisal not Rupert’s. Rupert doesn’t get appraised by anybody, except Gerry
and she’s very happy.
Who
else in USA is there, probably all scammers and junk email people, they are
trying to analyse me and my writing in a vain hope of selling me stuff or
hijacking my accounts. They should not bother, the only person I am in credit
with is the undertaker, we have tin in the shape of a coffin on the mantelpiece
and that’s for daddy’s vacation the family joke. We empty it out and pay the
undertaker on a 3 monthly basis, so he’s ready with his shovel when I’m ready
for my Heavenly vacation.
It
could be that an English teacher at the local Jail reads my stuff and prints it
out, then he comes in super cool everyday to amuse or is it bemuse his captive
audience. Half of the inmates like it, the other half have fights so that they
can be put in isolation and avoid the English teacher’s stories. Obviously he
pretends he is a writing talent, and that its all his own work, when really he
is a piece of work himself. On Death Row the inmates are tormented by the
jailers who read my words aloud to them, really bad inmates are played tapes of
my stories from www.michaelgcasey.typepad.com 2 hours of torture in an
English accent.
Or
maybe it’s a sad and lonely spinster who reads my words on a daily basis, she
missed her chance to marry George Clooney and Bruce Willis now she lives alone
with her just regrets for company. As I look like these two A listers she sighs
and reads my words and kisses my image on the computer screen or on her tablet.
So if she keeps taking the tablets she’ll be better, my words are better than
any pills to banish your ills.
But
really who is it that reads my words first in the USA if it’s you, then an
email to me with no links or tricks would be nice. Or better still just send
money to the Police and they can deliver it to me. Or if it is you Rupert I’m
one of your customers so you know where I live.
Can
I ask what do you do with all the extra time you have now that you don’t
Twitter any more, are your recording your Life to a Tape, as I suggested before
I left Twitter? Or just wasting your time reading my rubbish, when you could be
knitting scarfs with Gerry, stay happy whoever you are, I’ll never find out
will I?
One
hour Exactly to write this.
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