A Tale not worthy of Shakespeare (c)
by Michael Casey 23April 2024
Well if you wonder where the stories come from
here is one of them
I went down the hill for a haircut
because I look too much like my mum
only difference is I have 3 breasts
the extra one in the middle is my
hernia, bigger than some women's breast
in the middle of my chest through my heart bypass scar
I met an Irish man with an Arran and a cane along the way
I stopped to say I looked like Benny Hill in my hat
and Good Luck as us Irish are wont to say
Then I toddled down the hill
I met Jack and Jill pushing a pram
because Jill was not on the pill
and Jack had spilt his pail
maybe they were Americans
but that's over there over there
as James Cagney used to Sing
But though I sing I just wanted a haircut
So I continued on my way
And the barbers was shut
Outside a Pink Lady was having a fag
No, not a drink
but a lady all wrapped up against the cold
smoking, no nothing bold, just having a cigarette
She told me that Tuesday was the Barbers day off
and no he was not from Saville
or the tailors next door
though he cuts hair quick
he was off today
So laughing I crossed the road
and Noelle Gordon, not a drink winked at me
nor James Bond dancing in the Street
Though Andy Street might be dancing If he wins again
So I went to the Post Office for some money instead
Then I crossed back the road
To buy my daily bread
I look like Falstaff or Sir Toby Belch you know
and Harry was a bit of a lad as I said
in my Henry the Fourth Part II essay in Mr Sharpe's class
but that was in 1974/5 maybe
when my hair was brown, now I am a white sheep
or silver if you are being. generous
So I got my bread fit for a Kingsmill
a Hapworth for Falstaff maybe
and paid the lady on the till
with longer hair than mine
and silvery too, who's daughter is doing Phycology
a man in a beard with crocs was in the queue too
looking like Jesus, or a heavy metal band singer
Supervised by a Pakistani girl with eyes like diamonds
who was the chief of staff in the store
So I left the store with my bread
and I thought I'd take a chance
there is a Ladies hair dressers next to the barbers
I was surprised to see the Pink lady in a coat inside
She had finished her fag
I said are you the hairdresser
could you cut my hair instead
as I look so much like my mother
No, not I for I only do the beauty
So obvious she could do nothing for me
for I am just a beast,
a Gorilla with Rosary
So I left downhearted
I'd have to climb up the hill
With Kate Bush running up it
in front of me
Luckily God has Mercy on all of us
the bus came
No, I'm lying
Beyonce came with her horse with no name
and threw me on behind her
And by High Noon, she carried me into the sun
slapping my bum, homewards
never be cruel to animals, this is England after all
And that is why my words are full of Manure
The horse with no name dumped in my front garden
But at least I have sweet smelling Roses galore
growing in my front garden
Happy Birthday Shakespeare
Lend me your ears, for mine are full of Tinnitus
maybe I just need a pillow of busoms
I do have 3 of my own already
but I am not a Lady
@@@648 words, thanks to God, because I just sat here, so it's a brownie bonus
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