The Liar

michaelgcasey Uncategorized 11/04/2019 3 Minutes

The Liar ©
By
Michael Casey

I’ve been threatening to tell you a new story for days but my left shoulder feels as if I’m holding a concrete cross for a few days, so you have been spared, even if I have not. Or am I lying? Though some would say that writing is lying but on paper, and story telling is just plain old lying, or being a Politician or a Trump. His shadow over History is so large, he’ll be in all the History books for all the wrong reasons, but enough of him, he’s not paying me.

Today Julian left the Embassy, I don’t mean Julian of Duncan and Sandy fame, I’m mixing up the words, Julian and Sandy it should be from Around the Horne. Now that’ll really confuse my USA readers, you’ll just have to go Google. Hello I’m Julian and this is my friend Sandy, we are bona Wiki, Wiki what I can’t say it’s a secret. But if you buy Jules a shandy and me a bitter, no not beer I don’t drink, a packet of bitter sweets, you know those lemon ones, then I’ll reveal all.

We can crack any computer, yes we can, don’t mock, if you want to know what Madge down the corner shop is up to just cross our palms. No, don’t write on them with felt tip, I mean give us some silver. I don’t mean tin foil to line the baking tin either, just stop messing about. Give us some shillings, we need to feed the gas meter. Now that’s much warmer isn’t it?

Here look through my telescope, no it’s not a metaphor, you have such a filthy mind. What did I think you meant, you know what I thought you meant,don’t try and make me sin, it still Lent after all. But you are Jewish. Ok let’s stick to the script, you do have such lovely hand writing, its Sylfaen, yes it’s so fine. Audience do keep up, you’re like a crowd of drunken Politicians saying Beer Beer, or do I need my ears waxed again, or is that just my legs.

So what is Madge doing, she is reaching for the top shelf. I never knew she stocked mucky books, I’ll have to pay her a visit, I got a few old books covered in cobwebs, or are the cobwebs on my, maybe I can get Madge to flick my old cobwebs off, now that’s a real metaphor, me and Madge cobweb flicking. PAUSE. I had to have a quick shandy the thought of me and Madge flicking our cobwebs on the floor behind the counter. I do like Spring Cleaning, what did you think I was talking about. That’s disgusting, I don’t care if your not Christian, you bunch of Heathens need to go to Confession. Cobweb Flickers the lot of you.

What other lies can I share? Well Ecuador was reading me yesterday and today Julian was thrown out, it’s true the Country was reading my words and then today they throw Jules Assange out, I thought it was Father Christmas when it was on the news. 7 years squatting, he’ll have to improve his diet.

The thing about being a liar is that you have to have a good memory to remember all your lies. Me I’ve never lied in my life, but you think I’m lying, oh yes you do, oh no you don’t, I’M GETTING DIZZY, all these lies making my head go round and around, maybe I should get a part in the Exorcist.

We all lie when we tell our kids about Father Christmas, except me, because I know Father Christmas personally, not Biblically that’s something else, just personally. You see I do have such beautiful silver white locks, and when I don’t shave a white beard too. And you’ve seen me all dressed in red. I am Father Christmas, or that’s how my reflection speaks to me. So send me some money in a plain brown envelope and I’ll buy you all a present. One lollipop to share amongst 7,000,000,000 people. Your money I’ll keep and trust me I’ll spend it wisely. On Me.

So that’s today’s story as the pain monster leaves my body, no doubt to return often. If you were expecting something else then one of us is a Liar, who’ll burn in Hell’s Fire.

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I'm Michael Casey from Birmingham England, the fat silver haired writer in shades. Beware of Others with the EXACT SAME NAME, they are not me, and would not want to be me. Not unless they like arthritis, look for the silly photos, NOT the stereo-typical "I am a writer" photos, which I hate. michaelgcasey is what you should look for and the TRANSLATIONS GALORE here on this site so tell all your friends all over the world, or just in your street. Remember too the click to Translate Button, so all of you everywhere can "suffer" my words. I write HUMOUR, with English Spellings, a relative of Arron's(only joking) https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC for my 17 books you can email, email michaelgcasey@hotmail.com BUT WITH a good subject line and rubbish will be deleted unread, with due respect. I'm Michael Casey or just look for michaelgcasey, all one word. or just look for my face, fat and silver haired usually wearing shades so check both till you find all 17 books 1.The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker 2.Shoplife 3.Essays and Plays 4.Blogs 2011 5.300 and Not OUT 6.Shorts 2013 7.More Shorts 2014 8.Quick Stories 9.Still Alive 2015 10.Undiscovered Words 2016 11.Still Smiling 2017 12.Altogether Now 13.New Horizons 14.14 Up 15.15 Down 16.Sweet Sixteen 17. 17 Again https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC to buy ebooks THERE ARE OTHERS OF THE SAME NAME who are not me, SO LOOK FOR THE SILLY PHOTOS I did get 21,000 Polish readers just by word of mouth on my Site, for a Translation of the finale of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker in just 3 weeks In Search of An Indian Princess is what I called the finale. And a low budget film producer did take a look, so Spielberg how about you finally running with that ball. I called it In Search of an Indian Princess, the Polish Translation got 21,000 views in a few weeks. I even had a low budget film producer have a look at it a few years ago. So Spielberg it's still available and so am I. My books on Amazon are a Shop Window until a fancy PUBLISHER or anybody else picks me up, though I am very heavy, so don't hurt yourself I started writing a long time ago. 1987 to be exact. It took me a year to learn how to write. I spent 20 years listening to BBC Radio 4 BEFORE I picked up a pen, this is quality speech radio,not shock jock rubbish. I used to read by the yard too. I hope I write for ears if that doesn't sound too pretentious. So that's 50 years in love with Words, yes my birth certificate is so old, not me. I feel 20 in my head, though on pain days I feel 95. Don't get Arthritis ++++ nor skeletal muscular pain after a quadruple heart bypass, nor Tinnitus since 2018, apart from that, I'm such a hunk, well to old ladies of 95. And yes I like soft toilet paper too, or is that too much information? 2018 was the 30th Anniversary since The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker was born, in the living room behind me as I huddled the gas fire. My Face is on all the books so you know who to blame, I am not the Monk or anybody else THERE ARE OTHERS OF THE SAME NAME, SO LOOK FOR THE SILLY PHOTOS of me www.michaelgcasey.typepad.com to HEAR my words, 200+ stories, 12hours worth in Posh Birmingham STOP PRESS, for those of you who wished I'd stop writing, well it nearly happened. I had an Unplanned Triple Heart Bypass in Jan 2015, and I didn't even know I had heart problems. 6 months later I learnt I had 4 grafts, so is that a Quadruple? Anyways Thanks to Birmingham's City Hospital and our Queen Elizabeth hospital I am still here with you. Though I'm still getting pain as it takes a long time to heal, and just for fun my Arthritis plays up too. And yes I write about pain as well, for without pain in our life we have not experienced all of life. Though I'd love a break from all the pain, as would all of us.It descends randomly like mist, and on occasions I can barely talk with pain. Its 13thMarch2019 now and I've reached about 1,449,000 Words or nearly 4300 pages if you stack it all up. Its taken me 30 years now, I know I only look 25, well in my imagination anyway. I've done 44,000 words of my 18th book so far, about 118 pages. Biography I've been close but no cigar most of my life, such as having a play accepted by a professional theatre back in 1989, the play was Shoplife. They called it Sparkling, very real, great fun. hilarious, we could not stop reading it. This gave me the confidence to ignore all negative nasty not nice neighbours, who used too must alliteration, to be negative about my writing. However Life is not a straight road, its more a long and winding road. I can even remember being at grammar school when Monty Python first came out. And look what happened to them. One of my brothers was actually at the same college and University as John Cleese, Downing Cambridge. Another brother was at the same college and University as Mr Bean, Queens Oxford. I'm name dropping just in case Andrew at the Daily Mail, editor is reading this. As for me I went to work. Our dad by the way was a Blacksmith then sweated for 40 years in a steel works, in Brasshouse Lane Smethwick. Me I was a computer operator back in 1978 on Dec PDP 1170s, 40 years ago,and then a variety of other jobs, I had my working life in reverse. The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker is a slow burner that really does catch fire, and the best place to be when a book catches fire is, down the pub, The Trader in the book. Hidden in the cellar since WWII is a hoard of whisky, whisky galore you might say. When the street of shops in the book is threatened the shopkeepers can and will resort to anything. Such as a Poet and Undertaker using blackmail. When Patrick finds his one true love, and breaks the bed to prove it what does his priest do? The priest makes him organise a fete for the children's home, now that he has made a baby he has to take responsibility for it, and the children's home fete. The priest too uses a little blackmail, so the local police stop all traffic and detour it so as it passes the children's home 3 times, just in time for the fete. The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker is a fun book for all the family with an explosive ending. 21,000 POLISH READERS CANNOT BE WRONG. The Translations of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker on this site are read all over the world So buy it. Amazon Kindle books can be downloaded to Kindle, PC and Laptop. So you have no excuse, or does the writer have to persuade you? 888888888 https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/ & http://butcherbakerundertaker.blogspot.co.uk/ Now my book of blogs has many funny pieces in it, here's a taster of what you get if you buy the book. 300 and Not OUT, called very funny by one publisher. All I need is a Fairy Godmother and then you can all surf on my 1,458,000 words. And I can pay off the mortgage on the new house, and donate to my daughters as University beckons. As for my own Future? God Alone Knows. Stuffing Tony© By Michael Casey Stuffing Tony, what am I talking about, no not our tame turkey whom we've decided to eat, nor anything else. Tony is in fact a soft toy, he's my small daughter's favourite, the one she loves the most. He's a white tiger, he was in fact he was her sister's Birthday tiger from a few years ago, but she cried until she owned him. Tony is a very washed out bleached kind of tiger. Tony has been through the washing machine a couple of times, he was very very dizzy when he came out. Yesterday Tony got a brother, his brother is a ginger tiger, now christened Ginger. Ginger makes us laughter because Ginger is how English people call my wife if they cannot pronounce her Chinese name. Tony is one of 40 stuffed toys the girls have, they live up a corner behind the sofa which is just behind me. They are allowed out to form a class when my small daughter plays teacher, afterwards they climb back into their Iceland bags and go to sleep. There is a problem with Tony though, he's lived in the fast lane and lost a lot of weight. So following strict instructions, today I have done a stuffing transplant, which is like a heart transplant but much more important and dangerous. Today without any sedative I have made Loony Chick donate some stuffing to Tony. I took the scissors and make an incision in Loony Chick's behind, I then proceeded to remove the stuffing. I had previously made an incision in Tony's neck at the back, it was then a process of removing from Loony Chick and stuffing Tony. The whole procedure lasted 20mins, Tony now looks very plumped up and proud, as the leader of the pride should look. As for Loony Chick, he, she or should I say it now looks as if he'd had a few dodgy kebabs, very slim, but at least the head still looks plump. When the girls come home from school we'll decide what to do with Loony Chick, should we stuff him with chopped up old clothes, or bubble wrap? Or should he face the death sentence and be sent to a Charity shop, I know it sounds cruel, but since he came back from Shanghai in 2009 he'd mainly been a cushion. These are the very serious things a modern parent has to deal with, luckily I know how to sew, and I have a special relationship with all the toys. Now that Tony is full and looks like a weightlifting Tiger I hope Ginger won't be jealous, otherwise one of them may have to end up in a zoo, or the closest equivalent, in one of the 13 charity shops near our house. https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/ www.michaelgcasey.typepad.com to HEAR me read my stuff http://butcherbakerundertaker.blogspot.co.uk/ are places to read my stuff, comic in the main. I'm NOT on Facebook, you can only find me on my sites. Though you can tell all your FB friends about me or email michaelgcasey@hotmail.com in English only, I delete many Junk emails daily, unopened I would love a spot in a newspaper or magazine, print or online, alongside the fish and chips. I'm honest enough to say I'm as good as the stuff you read online or in newspapers, and yes I've known this for years, 30 years, if I flash/expose my ability for a second. Ok, I've put my quill away in the inkwell. I would love a spot on the radio too, 90 seconds with Michael, could be expanded to an hour. where I'd read a blog out on the radio every day. I have 2000+ inc repeats. So if you agree with me that it would be a great feature do get in touch I HAVE RECORDED 200 PLUS STORIES ABOUT 12 HOURS WORTH SO FAR. PERFECT FOR RADIO SO DO GET IN TOUCH or just listen www.michaelgcasey.typepad.com I also think a book of my stories with facing page translation plus my audio attached would be a great way to teach English via humour to foreigners I have enough material for a series of books. And yes I was an ESOL teacher for a year too, in an Islamic school, I was called excellent, excellent and exemplary by the external assessor, and yes I'd never actually taught before I stood up and tried it. I had spent 3 years as a concierge ++++ so I knew I could do it, as it's just talking. And I had all the writing experience too, and by the way the wife is from Shanghai. So Angel investors get in touch My shorts/blogs are a coffee and a biscuit long, I have 12 hours worth recorded already. www.michaelgcasey.typepad.com My 17 books can be bought here on Amazon Kindle, https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0 1.The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker 2.Shoplife 3.Essays and Plays 4.Blogs 2011 5.300 and Not OUT 6.Shorts 2013 7.More Shorts 2014 8.Quick Stories 9.Still Alive 2015 10.Undiscovered Words 2016 11.Still Smiling 2017 12.Altogether Now 13.New Horizons 14.14 Up 15.15 Down 16.Sweet Sixteen 17. 17 Again DON'T FORGET KINDLE BOOKS CAN BE LOADED TO PC AND LAPTOP NOT JUST KINDLE. And, there's more, I have readers all over the world, 60 plus countries, so my humour does travel..... Even if I don't, pain attacks for want of a better word, can come suddenly, so I doubt if I'll ever have another holiday, a screamer wouldn't go well on an airline. Let There Be Light © By Michael Casey Let my tears be my words Let the candle light be my eyes Let the flowers in bloom be my lips Let their scent be my blood Let the wind be my breath Let clouds be my mood Let children’s laughter be my hope Let widows’ sighs be my conscience Let a stranger’s prayers be my delight Let the bees be my wisdom Let the trees be my strength Let my patience reach to the stars Let me be always remembered in your prayers new for 2019 a brand new poem Let My Heart Sing© By Michael Casey Let my heart sing Let my smile shine Let my laughter ring Let my joy spread Let my light fill my life Let my words be wise Let my ears never deaf to your needs Let my eyes always see the good Let my shoulders never buckle under any weight Let my feet always bring me back home Let my fingers never need to be crossed Let there always be one thing to be remembered by Love and Charity for Others, my sisters and brothers So when I am dust, remember me for what I tried to be A singer singing a song even though I always sung badly, Because in my heart I was Singing as we all should in Harmony. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&& and that's your lot, go and buy my books on Amazon now. Though I don't expect such miracles, as "the Internet is Free" and nobody wants to pay me.... I'll go away and cry now..... View all posts by michaelgcasey

Published 11/04/2019