Getting in the Mood ©
By
Michael Casey
Well
Status Quo are playing their hits so I’m in the mood, not for dancing,
can somebody show the Nolans the door please. But I’m ready to Rock and
Roll, now that I’ve been told I have the Einstein look, you’ve seen the
pictures. Am I talking to myself, do try and keep up, or is the noise
too much? Hey you in the toga, and you with the guitar can you just shut
it, I’m taking to my audience. I just spotted a piece in the Guardian
about writers so that’s why you are getting today’s piece. Piece of
what, you can judge for yourself. I also spotted they Crowdfund writers.
So Unbound I have 17 ready to be inflicted on an audience. Though Bezo
or Murdoch would be much better. But I’ll take any push I can get.
I
do read other newspapers just in case you think I wear an oversized
jumper and drink Latte, and follow “issues”. No jumper would ever be
oversized on me, not unless you stole it from a Walrus, my boss had a
moustache like a walrus, I was so afraid of him, 40 years ago. He was a
hooker, but that’s enough of his private life, and just in case you
think I am maligning him, he used to hang out and swing between 2 really
big guys holding them tight for dear life. A hooker is a Rugby term by
the way, and what they do in that city is none of your business.
Where
was I? Explaining what it said about Writers.I’m a writer too, I’ve
done a million you know, which is the writing equivalent of the mile
high club. Which as you know is something to do with mountain climbing,
or crampons or something to do with lots of ropes, very long and worn
tight over your shoulder. What they do at fashion school I just do not
understand. At least Writers explain things simply and shed light
wherever they go, like a drunken lamplighter with a candle on the end of
his stick. Which sounds disgusting, I’m sure they’ll be a Guardian
editorial condemning it, that’s it not IT. What do they know about IT
with all their TYPOOOAs ?
So
writers have to get in the mood, is that why they are all drunks, or is
that just the poets?Then they smoke pot, but are so poor they haven’t
got a pot to piss in. And on it goes, is that why they become house
painters, it’s such a struggle. Then they grow silly moustaches and have
a stick, thinking it gives them power. What was Charlie Chaplin
thinking of? He could have made a living as a house painter instead, no
but he wanted fame and adulation. Wasn’t there somebody called adulation
who looked a bit like Charlie, who knows, nobody studies History. Just
the History of Art, or grandma’s pictures for short.
But
I was sidetracked again, that’s the bad habit of Writers. Getting side
tracked, something always comes up, they should not live next door to a
nudist beach. You can’t write with sand between your toes, or in all
yours cracks and crevices, nor having to put the pussy out. I just had
to put my pussy out just then, Totoro likes to come in and out, she
thinks I’m a doorman. Though when I worked at CPNEC hotel I did do that
as well as 10 other things.
So
I should be locked away, don’t all agree, you drunken lot. Friday
evening and you’re on the pop already, meanwhile us writers have to
write their piece.So to get away from distractions, you have a shed like
Cameron, and then have Writer’s Block, or maybe he just cannot write. I
told him he’d make more money telling fortunes from the back of his
caravan, he can dress up in his wife’s old clothes, then I remembered he
got the Brexit result wrong. Though he is a good whistler so maybe he
could join a band as the new Roger Whittaker.
My
daughter just came home from school with news of mock exam results, so
I’ll have to talk to her. See all these things interrupt and prevent me
from writing yet another Masterpiece. 777 was just the number count so
that reminds me of 7 brides for 7 brothers and 7 samurai, which could be
an idea in itself. Too many ideas is my problem, not Writer’s Block,
I’ll leave that for Cameron.
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