Monday, 9 April 2018
Pope Francis hears Mark Zuckerberg's Confession
Pope Francis hears Mark Zuckerberg’s Confession ©
By
Michael Casey
First
of all I have to confess that I predicted a Francis as the next Pope
last time, without anybody from Cambridge or even Oxford’s help. If only
I had placed a bet on it at the Bookies then I’d be a very wealthy man
using one of those oh so honest tax avoidance schemes, or maybe I’d be
one of those big tech companies not paying any tax.
So
what if we combine the two, Pope Francis and Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg
is due to be grilled and poached by the Senate tomorrow, anti trust laws
here I come, is my prediction. Though Trust is the word, so let’s see
what happens when Mark Zuckerberg goes to Confession. The Pope, Francis
is ready, they don’t use a confessional just a coffee table while the
Pope has a latte and Mark Zuckerberg has a water, shaken not stirred,
that’s Mark not the water. It’s best Birmingham tap water, which we
steal from the Welsh, so I put some in a flask and an Angel delivered it
to the Pope. A Hell’s Angel, me and Francis do have a few friends in
common after all.
So
the Hell’s Angle rides through the night and slams the flask of ice
cold Birmingham water stolen from the Welsh onto the coffee table in
Rome, winking at Francis as he does so. Mark Z fidgets with his hoody,
Francis snaps if you want a real hoody I can allow you to join the
Franciscans after I’ve heard your confession.Mark stammers, he looks 12
when he’s brushed his hair and shaved, he didn’t expect Francis to be so
tough. But Francis has a plan, and besides after Mark Z he has Putin in
his sights, so he has to practice being the tough guy.
Tell
me all your sins now, or you will burn in Hell, there is a special
place in Hell for game show hosts, and data manipulators. Mark hands
over a chip with a smile. It’s all in there Father. Pope Francis throws a
bucket of ice cold holy water over him. Here’s a Holy Water challenge
for you is Francis’ reply. The Hell’s Angel returns and throws a small
box of paper tissues at Mark Z. I don’t like Wise Guys, intones Pope
Francis before swinging a smoking thurifer within an inch of Mark
Zuckerberg’s face.
But
but but, you can’t do this to me, I’m not even Catholic moans Mark Z.
Oh, course you are not, you Liar, Liar Liar Burn in Fire. But I was
raised Jewish insists Mark Z. Francis lights a candle and pushes it
towards Mark Z. Mark jump backwards scared, but the Hell’s Angel is
right behind him blocking any escape. I’ve seen your Facebook page, it
says you are CATHOLIC, so it must be TRUE, intones Pope Francis.
Mark
is stuck between a Pope and a Hell’s Angel, so he does what only he can
do. He sips his ice cold Birmingham water, stolen from the Welsh.
That’s the best water I have ever tasted, he finishes all of it. Then he
is ready to spill the beans, Francis and the Hell’s Angel will give him
a lifetime’s supply of Birmingham water, stolen from the Welsh in
exchange for Mark Zuckerberg’s Confession.
Francis
swings the thurifer faster and faster closer to Mark Zuckerberg’s head,
he has to remind himself not to give in to temptation, I mean what
would you do if you had a loaded smoking thurifer and lighted candles
and a Hell’s Angel in attendance. Francis contented himself to listening
and wondering what would Don Camillo have done. Don Camillo would have,
well I won’t go there but the River Tiber does run through Rome.
And
for your Penance Mark Zuckerberg what would Pope Francis say or do to a
Billionaire. Burn in Hell you Tecky, or go your sins are forgiven. No
Pope Francis is not a soft touch, Mark Zuckerberg has to read all of
Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer in shades 15 books, available
on Amazon. Though if he comes to Birmingham he can have full use of my
tap, as the water in Birmingham, stolen from the Welsh really is the
best in the world. And you don’t need a Facebook page to tell you that,
because I am NOT on Facebook and I’m telling you it, so it must be true.
Ask anybody from Cambridge if you don’t believe me.
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