On the Phone

On the Phone ©

By

Michael Casey

I hadn’t any idea what to talk about today, then when I hung up after talking to my sister I thought why not talk about talking. Yes Folks, that’s how planned these talks are. Life can be too over planned and we all need to chat with friends and family. Though in our house tonight my wife was on the phone in English and Chinese before she had to drive the girls off to choir, then meet somebody for work talk. Tomorrow she has to work in the morning before we go as a family to view a house. Then back to our own house to sell it to somebody else. Then she has to go out again, our big daughter will be out with the Dentist as I may call him, so she can introduce the Dentist to Selfridges. Or did she say get him a Saturday job selling fridges.

This is the new normal in our house, luckily I just sit here and watch the world go by, and then tell you all about it. I am a very good talker, I hope it translates to the page in front of you all, so that’s what I’m talking to you all about today. Talking, On the Phone.

We need to share things, with our friends, with our mum, with our sister, or with Barry, don’t be shy Barry if you are reading this, all your secrets are safe. Did I tell you what Barry did, well he dressed up as a Fairy and stayed in costume all day. His sugar plums were amazing. Every hour he sat up and bowed and twirled just like a clockwork Fairy in a musical box. Everybody was amazed and took selfies and videos and uploaded to snapchat and every media you can possible imagine.

He even went out to fetch the sandwiches from that lady he was scared of. She didn’t fancy him ever again after seeing him as a Fairy, so that was a bonus for Barry. Then he came back and ate his cucumber sandwiches, which meant Michael didn’t want to kiss him ever again either. Everybody in the Office wondered what was going on, only Miss Dangly had a clue, but she just sat there all day smiling her beautiful smile. Shall I tell you why Barry who is 2 metres tall and would make a Ukrainian feel inferior in the muscles department was dressed as a Fairy.

Well there was a girl he met in the queue by the sandwich shop, she was stunning and they had been talking for weeks as they queued. Only she had a broken heart and even though Barry was the only man who could heal her broken heart, they both knew this. But she said she would never ever have a boyfriend because she did not want to be hurt again. The only man for her would have to be able to laugh at himself and prove to the world just how big a man he was.

So Barry dressed as a Fairy. Janet was the name of the girl and when she saw him in the queue for the sandwich shop she just laughed and laughed. Barry explained he’d been dressed like that all day and he’d stay dressed as a Fairy until she said she’d go on a date with him. She agreed to have a quick first date after work. They would meet outside the closed sandwich shop when the offices closed.

Now Fate always plays a part on these occasions. Barry was late as he had to do the high filing,he was tall after all. So when he arrived Janet was surrounded by 4 lads, the bad boyfriend and his mates.They were being horrid, girls will know what I mean when I say horrid and vile, go ask your girl right now if you are too stupid to understand. So the lads were being vile to Janet. Barry the good Fairy arrived. They were laughing at Janet as she cried, they laughed more when Barry the Fairy arrived.

Like I said Barry was as big as a Ukrainian, and like a Ukrainian his heart was just as big. So Barry the Fairy punched all four, just one punch each. All four fell to the floor. Janet did not like violence as her last boyfriend had beat her. But Barry was dressed like a Fairy, he was her Fairy godmother, he had saved the day. The bouncers had seen everything and threw out the 4 bad lads and banned them for life.

Barry and Janet married after 3 months, it took her 3 months to stop laughing. At the wedding the guests all came as Fairies, Barry wore a suit and Janet the kind of gown only a Fairy Godmother could provide. In fact in the bar that night a Bridal Gown shop owner had observed proceedings and had insisted he provided a gown. He was gay but his sewing partner was straight, you can read a story about them in Tears for a Butcher if this writer gets the time to write it.

So what has this got to do with on the phone. Well its the kind of story I share with my sister on the phone. You all have your own stories you share on the phone. I’ve never dressed as a Fairy myself, though I did dress up as a woman wearing my mothers dress and stockings. Then we had to stop the car on the way to use a cash point. ME standing in public dressed as a mature woman.