I'm not on Facebook but Still the World Pretends to Care

I’m Not On Facebook but Still the World Pretends to Care ©

By

Michael Casey

Yes, I’m not on Facebook, really, I was years ago but only mad people were attracted to me, so I gave it up. And yes MZ did send me a crate of Stella Artois as a thank you. Now I’m telling everybody to BUY his shares as they cannot go any lower, but what do I know about shares but my brother did do Economics at Cambridge though. So as Facebook is all over the news it did spring to mind as a subject to talk about. But I’m not on Facebook. Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham is not on Facebook. Though like Mark Zuckerberg I do have a Chinese wife. I bet she is really kicking his a**&^ right now.

None of this is what I really want to talk about tonight, what I want talk about is why and how people pretend to be concerned about my Health. I get so much Junk Email, which I delete unread, but they pretend to love and care for me so much. It’s as if they read my stories here on https://butcherbakerundertaker.blogspot.co.uk  and then send me junk emails inspired by what they have read. Now if Barron Trump has discovered me, as he is a computer whiz after all, maybe he’s concerned and sends me emails about Heart Attacks and Health Insurance. So if it is you Barron, thank you I am very touched, but just ask dad to retire and help you with your golf game during his Golden Years. Besides thank God and Xi the rocket man is going to give up his mad quest, so your dad can claim that Nobel Prize. So HE should retire and play golf with you.

I also get ads for Lyft, and I do not even hold a driving licence, I would not even be allowed to have one anyway due to my many aliments. You cannot drive a car if you could suddenly get a stabbing pain to the heart, which turns out to be Skeletal Muscular Pain. It’s nice to know its not a heart attack, its just like having Hitchcock’s Psycho suddenly and randomly attack you, as I’ve had a few times tonight. Its when it repeats itself spread over a whole day, that’s when Hitchcock stops being one of your favourite film directors.

Now no doubt I’ll get offers as an extra in films. I did actually meet a very big guy who was an extra in Gladiator, or some Roman action film. We both had cortisone injections on the same day back in 2013/4 If ever we finally film The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker he’d be right as Big Sid the Butcher, but that’s just a dream. Close but no Cigar is the story of my life as I said to my specialist at hospital today.

I also met a very nice 44 year old lady while I was waiting for the bus, I forgot to ask her name. We had a good natter on the 48 bus, so if she reads this I hope she gets in touch. She has lots of transportation knowledge and customer service experience, maybe she could get a part time job to fit in with her new obligations. But I won’t embarrass her too much. I was very impressed by her and her knowledge base. I did say I could end up mentioning her in a story. Though she may be saying to her friends she met this fat Santa Claus lookalike. I happened to be dressed all in red, like a Santa with the shaved beard. She did give me some advice, and NO it wasn’t fattie get lost you are boring me, nor stop sitting on my handbag. No she told me to buy a lottery ticket so I could afford to buy my dream house which the bus passed on the way home. So when Lent finishes I will take her advice and buy the lottery ticket.

Now I’ll get offers for bingo and lotteries galore in my email account. Microsoft scans emails so I’m now wondering is it Microsoft after all. Nobody is reading my stuff and then sending emails full of junk. Its Microsoft scanning my Blogger email that gets sent every time I write something. So that is my sad conclusion, people don’t care enough about me to send me junk emails. It’s dear old Microsoft reading my Blogger email about my latest post and then I get the glorious junk emails.

I still get the With Utmost Respect rubbish, and you have won, when its a link that’ll kill my computer. And dating rubbish, if somebody wants to seduce me they need to do it face to face, over the chilled food section in the supermarket. Emails don’t entice me. Read Shoplife my play its only 2quid on Amazon Kindle, that has lots of romance in a supermarket.

One of my sisters used to work in retail as the posh call shop work, and a friend from work Dave Eaton used to work in retail before he ended up working with me in computers. And both said Shoplife was so very true. While I’m on the subject if anybody who is reading knows Andrew LLoyd Webber my play Shoplife could easily be turned into a musical. And then I’d be financially secure till I die.

I also get junk about Life Insurance, nobody would cover me, and I have no money. Books on Amazon do NOT mean money, go to KDP and see how easy it is to have a book on Amazon. Writing is easy,as is using KDP, but actually sales, now that is almost impossible. And yes I’ll get ads for publishing your book, only 1000 dollars now. KDP costs NOTHING, so everybody should use that and then hope Rupert Murdoch stumbles over you. My only hope is that when Rupert is chatting to Donald then Barron Trump interrupts to say that Michael Casey is a funny fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England. Though the reality is that I’ll get even more adverts for sunglasses. Real Raybays for only 10 dollars instead of 120dollars.

All in all you can see I just attract junk, like a clothes brush, or is it a Devil Duster. I’m a dandruff collector. So as the millions leave Facebook if only they would come and visit my sites. I have 26 different countries at least and I watch the map turn green on my Blogger site and on my Wordpress site. If only the Facebook refugees went to me.  https://www.amazon.com/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC 

If I could make a few quid. But now I’ll get offers from Lyft again, or money laundering galore job offers. Or stuffing envelopes, or meeting girls from X Y and Z. But that’s enough it’s time to go to bed. My pain levels have lessened now so I’ll try and sleep. I am glad I met that nice lady today, talking to a stranger can be very therapeutic, though it may have made her head straight to the off licence. I forgot to tell her I spent 20+ years working for a market research company into alcohol sales. StatsMR which became part of ACNielsen.

Now that’s more than enough for tonight, Easter hols start tomorrow so I’ll be the housewife the more while my girls are on holiday. Though one has her exams after the holidays so she’ll need pasta and chocolate in large quantities while she revises. But I would not mind if Occado sent those to me. Instead I’ll just get email advice about not eating too much, and how to brush your teeth. My own advice to the Dentist my daughter’s best friend is try Downing Cambridge, if it was good enough for my brother I’m sure they’d love to have him.