Never Lose a Word

Never Lose a Word ©

By

Michael Casey

Martin was good dad but a terrible husband, his wife told him the 2^nd part all the time. His girls just loved him because he always bought them their favourite food, health food. Martin worked in the Pie Factory on Upper Lower Street, a funny name but there used to be a river called the Lower many a year ago. It really confused stranded tourists who came to visit the world famous pie factory. It was one of these tourists who stole his wife away. An American with a great big lasered white smile. His wife fell for the smile and after six months she was in Florida turning herself perma brown.

His daughters went away at first but hated the sunshine, they preferred the weather in England. So they came back home to England. Mum sent money and kisses, but the kisses soon finished but the money continued. So dad switched to working part time at the pie factory. So he was always home for his girls. Meanwhile mum went working for the American in his chain of gyms, it was very physical. But she was fit, but her new husband died after 3 years, while working out to the tune of Let’s Get Physical. So thanks to Olivia Newton John mum became a millionaire with a perma tan and great great teeth. 

She still sent money for the girls but bitched about it costing her an arm and a leg. She was now worth $25million. But she never returned to England as it was too cold, besides which Sandra was in denial, she had never worked at a humble pie factory, no matter how famous. And the fact that she was wearing a hairnet when she met the love of her life, ok the man how cold get her away from hr brat children. How she let  Martin get so close to breed with her she’d never know. She only married him because he had a jaguar, and they did things to her. Yes some women are attracted by your motor, a bit like the Stones song Brand New Car perhaps.

So Sandra drew apart from her girls, literally as she went to live in Arizona or was it Nevada, she didn’t care so long as the air was warm, not like damp England. So Steak and Kidney lost track of mummy, but the allowance still came so they were ok, not rich but ok. Steak and Kidney were the names Sandra called her girls as a way of mocking her husband Martin. Selena and Katy were their real names, named after the singers, but mummy was a witch riding high on a broomstick. Daddy was their fat hero, though he did lose some weight as he only worked part time at the factory.  

Daddy’s dream was to win the lottery but he always lost and finally just bought a chocolate bar for his girls instead of a lottery ticket every Saturday. It was while he was in the shop buying a lottery ticket that he met Maria, she dropped her Jim Reeves album and he picked it up. She was a North Korean army girl who’d escaped to England. She worked in the takeaway over the road from the newsagents. Whatever Martin had she wanted it.  He was a big big Jim Reeves fan, he sung her a few songs right there in the take away.

So Martin and Maria became firm friends, she brought rice around after work and together they listened to Jim Reeves records. Selena and Katy were happy their dad had somebody in his life. Besides  Maria was a good cook  and they soon enjoyed quality cooking, Korean style. Meanwhile in USA mum had lost all her money on a Ponzi scheme and could have been deported, but the Americans decided to send her to jail for 200 years without parole. Americans are very strict as far as money is concerned, if you kill somebody you get probation, or am I mistaken? 

Martin promised the girls he’d find a way to make,  now that the allowance had been taken by the American courts. So Martin started writing short stories and posting them on the Internet. He had no luck there, but Maria did, she had a son, then another son and finally a 3^rd son. The  girls always wanted a little brother, now they had three. They were called, Tom, Dick and Harry as Maria thought they were great names.  They were a happy family and all they needed was a dog, so they got a dog and called him Vincent after Van Gogh as it only had one ear. All the family spoke English and Korean, except Vincent the dog who seemed to understand everything.

Of course the boys were very handsome too. Everything was perfect, Selena got a place at Cambridge to study Medicine and Katy went to Rada because her Julie Walters impression was perfect. As luck would have it a Korean businessman who had always wanted to  be an actor but became a billionaire had donated money, for Korean speakers. Katy spoke Korean like a native with a North Koran accent, so she got the scholarship. He did have a son too, who was gay, so no romance, he just became her best friend and they spent hours discussing Kpop in Korean.

Meanwhile Martin persisted with his campaign, no luck at all. He did get a piece in the Soeul Times but otherwise no luck at all. He nearly gave up writing but Maria told him YOU NEVER GIVE UP, she even slapped his face. She felt so ashamed, she went to bed. Martin followed her and  said she was right, Maria explained what it was like in North Korea until she escaped. Together they spent the night crying. But in the morning they were happy, Maria  was pregnant and this time it would be a girl. And North Korean Army girls are the prettiest in the world.

Katy brought her gay Korean friend home, Vincent the dog loved him so much, and when they got talking he said he’d love to hear her dad’s stories. So they played audio of the stories though his Samsung S8. And that was how Martin finally got his lucky break. They were used in Korea to teach English to the newly unified and peaceful Korea. Martin and Maria could have become very stupid rich but decided to keep only enough to pay for Selena’s studies at Cambridge and Katy’s Rada studies. As for their boys Tom, Dick and Harry they opened a martial arts college, as boys will be boys. Oh, the little sister Tilly she just became an international model, she was very good at marching up the cat walk.

Martin and Maria did buy the old pie factory as they were very sentimental, and they did send pies to the SuperMax prison in USA where his ex-wife now lived. They were very kind and polite  British/Korean family after all.