Style Wars

Style Wars ©

By Michael Casey

He don’t half swagger now that he’s top dog, and there’s such a spring in his step, the old fart. His suits must cost 2,000 each and he gets 2 extra pairs of trousers for free. Once you are a celebrity everything is free, he used to wear Foster Bros clothes just a few years ago, now  he’s on top of the world.

He’s jumping in and of beds all the time, little wonder he needs extra trousers, he must wear the zips out, and the researchers too, he just loves a blonde, male or female. I heard he is one of them, no not one of those but of one of them. You know his zip works both ways. No wonder he is always yawning on tv, perhaps he needs more iron, especially in his zips.

His hair is false too, just like his personality, they say he shares Trump’s hair person. Yes really. I can’t stand him myself, no not Trump he’s ok, but your man himself. I heard he borrows shuttlecocks from George Michael to make his packages bigger. No not his packages, but his packages, you know down there, no not Australia, but down there, no not the chip shop but down there. Yes finally the penny drops, he’s inflating his accomplishments, all his packages are blown up out of all proportion, on the screen and in his pants. And all because of George Michael’s loaning some shuttlecocks.

What do you think of my brown leather trousers? Nice, I got them for 9.99 down the market I saw that lady on tv showing hers off so I thought if they were good enough for her then they were good enough for me. She’s got nice legs I think she should wear a mini skirt split up the side, but perhaps her husband prefers leather. He always looks happy so that’s nice. I got a nice bag to go with my trousers, it was expensive at 995, what oops I missed the point, the decimal point, 9.95. I never pay more than a tenner for a bag, LV or fake LV.

Do I look good or do I look good? I’m still a tart, yes but I like to try and look good for my husband. We’re skiing in Cloisters next week with all the rich riff raff, its only by saving a bit here and a bit there that we can afford it. Dan’s window cleaning business is doing well, and his plumbing company is not doing too bad either, the security company had to buy 4 more dogs, you know those big horrid ones,  cost him 2k each. But Dan said you have to pay for quality dogs.

He’s closing the night club for refurbishment, he might get Michael Casey to sit in a corner, sit I said sit not anything else. You have such a filthy mind Ethel, you know just sit in a corner to keep an eye on the builders. Michael Casey can write a book while they are working, he may be a fat old git but he does have a way with words.

What about you are you going to buy any new clothes before you go on your world tour with Mick. You’ve got 10 new outfits from the Market already, cost you a fortune. 300 quid, 300 quid they robbed you, Ethel. You could have borrowed some of my stuff, my 150 rails are just packed with stuff. At least we have taste compared to those lost you see on tv. And how much is the trip costing your Mick, 30,000, you got it cheap because the Wholesale Market is next to to the Freemasons Lodge and Mick saved Peter from a pasting when those gay bashers tried to beat him up as he was leaving the Lodge.

How many black belts does your Mick have nowadays? 5, that’s nearly half a dozen. 5 Black Belts but he never has any trousers on. Glad to hear your marriage is such a happy one. He wears the custom when he’s teaching martial arts, I thought he was like a rabbit when you said no trousers. So he ended teaching Martial Arts to Freemasons, and you know what they say about Freemasons. They never need to stuff anything down their trousers, shuttlecocks not required.