Fr. Dan's Altar Boy 1st half

Father Dan’s Altar Boy ©

By

Michael Casey

Now if you’ve been on my page before then you’ll know about Fr.Dan, what you cannot remember? Well in Tears for a Butcher which I’ve only produced stray fragments for, he’s in that, and well just go hunt on my Blogger and Wordpress. Are you so lazy, I have to write and wipe your backside for you? Mrs Murphy would hit you with the wet mop, straight out the mob bucket. Just as my own mother, Mrs Casey threatened, I’m laughing now and I’m sure so is she in her position in Heaven making the tea.

So you know Father Dan was the softest of all men, a good priest too, but underneath he was an Iron Fist in a velvet glove, and those drug dealers who nearly killed Big Sid the butcher would be finding out soon. Now find Tears for a Butcher if you want any more. But how did such a Holy Man develop into an Iron Fist. Well it started when his altar boy got thrown off a cliff, as in, a leg and a wing, and a throw, and that was that. He should have died. Stone dead, but his belt got caught on a root and it saved him from death. Though he would have died there, as he was all bust and broken, but a stubborn young priest saved him.

The Altar Boy was a very bad man, a dirty son of a who er, if you know the Irish pronunciation of Whore. He dabbled in everything, just like in that Taiwan film Man in Love,  but the altar boy was far far worse. No nice music surrounding him like in that film. So the altar boy got his just rewards, he got chased by other gangsters and they were determined to catch him, kill him. So after a big fight, and it was monumental, 10 to one are bad odds for anybody, knives and guns included. The altar boy was battered until nearly dead, then grabbing his legs and arms and by his belt he was thrown off a cliff. DEAD.

Now where this was I cannot remember though it was in the East, where gambling is king, and that reminds me its 20,000,000 tonight but I’m so full of snot, so shall I tell you this story or waste 2 quid on a ticket. Ok, I’ll carry on, but first I must go to the toilet or do you want me to wet myself? The altar boy did wet himself, when you are shot you pee, go ask a trauma doctor, and if you are a naughty boy just STOP. Become an altar boy, now read on why.

Fr. Dan was big but weedy and scared when he saw what was happening he hid, and so would I, ten men killing one. Fr. Dan was not long out of the seminary which means school for priests if you think its some other meaning. So, he hid under his excuse for a church, battered bits of wood held together by spit and wood, and great singing. Did I tell you he had started a choir? Feeling guilty he went to the edge of a cliff and decided to say the prayers for the dead. He was amazed to see the gangster was not dead, just half dead and bleeding. So he climbed down to see what he could do. Suddenly brave enough to say a prayer for the dying, he been reading The Cardinal recently. The gangsters eyes flickered, soon he’d be dead if he was left there. So Fr. Dan blessed him, then blessed himself, Lord forgive me for being such a coward, he even shed a tear, tear for the dying. So Fr. Dan climbed back up. He’d need a rope and some help, but nobody was there, would you hang around with such violence?

Fr. Dan closed his eyes, and prayed, God will provide, when he opened his eyes a donkey was there, the gun shots had frightened it and it had broken its rope. My own uncle Patrick back in Cromane Lower Kerry, used to have a donkey too, which was a mobile lawn mower for around the house, no I’m not joking, go ask my cousin’s son, Patrick’s grandson. But I’ll get back to the story, so Fr. Dan went over the cliff again, this time attached to the end of the donkey’s rope, he tied it around the gangster’s belt and hauled him up. The cliff was very dangerous, just like at the back of my Aunty Mary’s house in Ballyheigh Kerry, she being Patrick’s sister, and she loved stories too.

So once the gangster was safely on solid ground, Fr. Dan put him over the donkey’s back and carried him away. So, Fr. Dan had saved him, now he had to nurse him, bullet holes and all that. Fr. Dan hid the gangster in the cellar under the church, just where he had him himself. Then looking at an old copy of Readers Digest he took two bullets out, and nursed him. All this was done in secret, or the gangsters “friends” would have come back to kill him, and Fr. Dan too.

Fr. Dan named him Sylvester after Rambo in that film Ciffhanger where he falls off a cliff, he’d seen it on plane on the way to the missions. So, it seemed appropriate, as the gangster did fall off a cliff, or rather was thrown. Now God works in mysterious ways, I speak from Experience.

And Fr. Dan knows it too, as he nursed Sylvester his Faith went into him, and Sylvester’s courage and inner strength went into him. Fr. Dan had a convert on his hands, stuck under a church with only a Bible and Hymn books to read, with Mass and prayers and choir above. Sylvester had been drip fed Faith. Fr. Dan grew stronger, as he had to move Sylvester about and hide him in the cellar for months. Sylvester said he’d repay him he owed him his life. So yes you’ve guessed it, Sylvester taught Fr. Dan how to Fly as Korean martial arts people say.

TO BE CONTINUED