What's that stink?

What’s that stink? ©

By

Michael Casey

There is the sweet smell of success, and there is a “stink”, at the moment in the news Cummings may be going because he looked after his kid and wife in Lockdown, the rest you can follow in the news. Et tu Brute, is all I shall say.

Now as I began a thought came acalling, or rather a smell, a remembrance of a smell. Of a child in school in my class 55 years ago who smelled, let’s call her B. Nobody wanted to sit next to B, because she stunk, maybe her parents did not care, maybe they could not even afford the basics. Poundland did not exist then, I cannot remember it anyway in inner city Birmingham as it would be called nowadays. So, B stunk and nobody wanted to sit next to her. You can extrapolate her life, me I hope she had a chance to flourish and change, literally. I hope she became fragrant and ended up selling perfume in Rackhams or other fancy shops, I hope she turned out so beautiful that heads turned, instead of noses being held. But I am a writer and an Altruist, but I’m sure as you are my readers or listeners I know you’ll agree. Lech, Boris and Gregorgi my Slav friends would punch anybody who said bad things about B, and give her a carrier bag of things, including fancy soaps donated by their wives. You can open a window, as it’s hot and I’ll get back to the story.

Yes, I did pump or let loose, or there was an escape from me, ok I FARTED, but that gave me the idea for this, and it does prove I talk S*&&, or I’m still digesting yesterday’s mushroom and ham omelette. We all recognise smells and there are memories associated with smells. There even was a song in France, ca se sans c’est vraiment toi, if I remember it right, from 1983 maybe, forgive the bad French spellings. You can go Google France for yourselves, but if you find it don’t sing it in class once you go back to the safety of school.

Every smell has an association, a baby smells the milk from its mother’s nipple, and cats no doubt come to visit because there is milk in the air. Beware though, a cat will sit on or too near a baby, because of the heat. Watch the baby not your phone. As we grow we smell differently, especially if you have kidney failure etc. A baby smells of talcum powder, the 3 kings delivered 3 gifts, and one was for nappy rash, yes really, go Google. You know when a baby needs changing because of the whiff in the air, or you should if you ae not paying your phone too much attention. I have seen a blind lady with 2 or 3 kids, and she used to hold them up to her nose so she could sniff them, and yes she is a great mother.

As you get older you wash more, people will insist. Washing in the downstairs kitchen Belfast sink every night, with a bath once a week, used to be the norm in our house. Showers hadn’t been dreamt of, and we’d have to run upstairs to put the emersion heater on for dad’s bath. And yes a cork full of disinfectant was added to the bathwater, 50 years ago and more. Then bubble bath arrives, teenage girls in the house makes this happen.

And on it goes, the changing smell and frequency of washing. Though with dad’s steel workers’ feet, Jeyes Fluid was added to the plastic bowl of water so he could soak his feet when he came home from the steel works. Mum used to use wooden tongues to remove his sweat glued-on socks. Then he’d say it was good to wash his feet. Afterwards the same plastic bowl was used to wash the dishes, it was rinsed first. To me that’s a happy memory, mum was like Veronica, if I haven’t mixed up the names, no doubt Bible students reading this should know the difference.

Mum also made bacon and cabbage on occasion, and I still hate that smell, just as I hate certain Chinese concoctions that my wife used to make, but love the smell of other delicious Chinese smells. Smell is a big memory bringer. Perfumes also come along, and Price does not denote quality, neither does name brands, nor Star brands. I could name names, but you’ve all tried Star brands, even if it’s a sample spray from B, who now sells perfumes at Selfridges, well in my imagination. Though as I write this I just remembered something, memory is not even and one more layer has arrived to make me cry.

Back to perfume, we all have a favourite, or that pretty girl looks great, but her perfume stinks, literally. So, nobody wants to know her, if she stuck with the nurses’ smell, carbolic soap, then she’d have a boyfriend. I’ve just remembered a big fat Asian lad from the hotel, he had loads of girlfriends, or should I say girls  who talked to him. Why? Because he knew all about perfumes and so on, so he could talk to them, about things they were interested in, not just boring football. So boys, learn about perfume and ladies fashion and you’ll be surrounded by girls, though some ignorant boys will call you “gay” because they are so jealous.

Personally, I like Ck1 or CkBe, not that you’ll send me any. I’m big and fat so I need perfume distraction. Though the old old school perfumes are coming back, Brut for men, and Old Spice. You have to be 40+ to remember them, but they are cheap and cheerful. Old Hannibal Lector has designer perfumes, and that’s to cover the buckets of blood and brain soup, if you saw the film on tv the other night.

As we grow older we exhibit the Old People’s smell, as they leak, or kids think they do, and there is the Old Ladies perfume smell. Our homes have a smell the musty smell of old people’s homes. Mine does not as I have young daughters, teenagers now, so it’s cleaned and all the lotions and potions my daughters use fill the air.

We may grow more religious so we visit church, and we have the smell of candles in our hearts. I did spend 3 years and more of lunchbreaks in Saint Phillips cathedral in Birmingham city centre, it was closer than Saint Chads, so I was a catholic converting the Anglican cathedral. I hope God is smiling, as we both know all prayers from all faiths are equal, God just wants us to talk to him, as any parent does.

So as the music fades, what you did not hear any?  Discover Allan Taylor a British folk singer, I’ve just Googled there’s a ton of stuff on Utube. So, I’ll leave you there with my perfume up your nose, but Allan Taylor’s music will fill your ears. Which one will you prefer?