The Old Irish Dancer

The Old Irish Dancer ©

By

Michael Casey

Delia was, well she was Delia, no way to describe her other than that, she was herself and nothing else. She was old now, and a bit slower in movement, but she had strong legs. So when she was invited to a dance by her dear old friend Mrs Winston of course she’d come. Their combined ages over 160 at least, but nobody dared ask, for fear of a slap in the puss, for cheeking their elders.

Mrs Winston and Delia stationed themselves in 2 old chairs, battered like themselves, brought especially to the church hall tied to the roof rack. Don’t be thinking you can take me home like that strapped to the roof rack, said Mrs Winston her bosom shaking like an enormous bouncy castle. Delia said she didn’t mind being strapped to the roof rack so long as she was still sat in an armchair.

And that in fact was how she got home in glory.

Delia shuffled about leaning hard on her stick, a present from Mrs Winston for her 70^th Birthday, practical and much love. Mrs Winston had many many relatives, and they had friends and friends had friends. So the church hall was full, before the 70s theme started and Barry White could do his thing. The gospel choir did their thing, with all the boys looking on. Delia weaved her way in and out of the choir, like a sparrow hopping from place to place. Though like a bee pollinating might be a better description. The Delia sat next to Mrs Winston, they exchanged a knowing look.

Barry White started proceedings, always reliable. At the first interval, Delia stamped her stick, winking at Mrs Winston. Do you call that dancing? If I could have a little support I’ll teach you how to dance Irish style, it was Saint Patrick’s Day after all. So pointing her stick at the biggest man in the crowd she called him over, then she pointed stick at a shy girl, you too, come here. They were both cornered, so they came over. One on her left, one on her right supporting her weight, then with a wink Mrs Winston  bluetoothed the speakers, Irish dance music blared out.

Delia was on fire, those legs dashed and pranced, all her weight supported, by Dennis and Marlene. Uproar.Dennis and Marlene joined in, 3 Irish dancers. Then Mrs Winston could see the look in dear Delia’s eye, she released her supports and danced for 10 seconds before tripping Dennis and Marlene over, only Mrs Winston knew this was her plan. Dennis tried to catch Marlene, only he just ended up with his hand on her chest, and Marlene ended up with her hand below his waist. Silence then with Delia leaning over the couple, her weight on her stick. Well if you have finished your introductions, I’d say you would be a great couple. But learn to Irish dance properly first. Uproar of Laughter.

And that was how Dennis and Marlene got together, they were tricked. Mrs Winston knew they’d be a great couple, if only they were introduced, and Delia did the introductions. So Marlene and Dennis spent the evening being the first my last my everything with Barry White as a witness. They say the rhythm method is the best method, and Delia and Mrs Winston knew all about that. So over the course of the evening 4 other couples were introduced to Irish dancing, and each time they fell for each other literally. If you have rhythm then you should stick to it.

Some may say it was a cheap trick, a dirty trick, pushing people together. But Mrs Winston and Delia had a plan, besides the nursery needed more kids or they would close it next year. But Mrs Winston knew as did Delia, fools rush in where angels fear to tread, and at their ages they’d be joining the angels soon. So they were helping couples find each other, and they’d have a few more visitors with gossip, the lifeblood of older people, all because they  were creating families, via Irish Dancing.

Now when the dance was over Delia was chaired out of the hall, and indeed tied to the roof rack chair and all. Then ever so slowly driven home. Sgt Mulholland from Old Forge and Singing Anvil police station was driving past and could see what was happening. So obviously he gave them a Police Escort with blue light flashing,

How many couples this Saint Patrick’s Day he asked Delia as she was lower from the roof rack. So she high fived him by way of reply.