Talking In Code

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Talking In Code ©

By

Michael Casey

Somebody said I talk in code today, I won’t say who, that could be classed as talking in code too. Though Roger the Dodger, he knows who he is, he once said that too, or am I talking in too much code? Maybe I am just talking BOLLOCKS, but then I’d be blunt and not talking in any code at all. Sometimes we talk in code for fear of upsetting or offending somebody we love, or somebody could overhear us so we talk in code instead.

I hadn’t thought of what to write today then that person said that thing about me, so I was off I had a THEME, talking in code. Once I have that one word away I can go and you get 500, 1000 or even 1500 words. Which in pages is, 1 to 3 pages, or even 4 depending on the font size. And no I don’t prepare, I’ve only just sat down here a few minutes ago. Its like the jug of words is chosen and I pour it on the page, and no I don’t think of such words as the jug of words it kind of appears, rather like the coffee stain on the carpet behind me where I juggled a mug of hot coffee and avoided dropping it, but managed to mess the carpet.

So that’s why I’m as good or as bad as you think I am. Hopefully Good, but you may use another choice of words, so as not to hurt my feelings. Then you would be talking in code, in actual fact you would be lying, you LIAR. How does it feel to be called a LIAR? Or should I be economical with the truth as Politicians say, and say that you were not exactly correct with your assertions.

Code is used to have fun under the very nose of your boss, I can remember one of my bosses was thought to be a total BSer, so the lads had a visual clue about him, before his very face. Now they weren’t being LIARS like you, yes you slouching there pretending to do your homework, when in fact you are reading my RUBBISH. So they were being honest.

Codes were used in the war and here in UK it was a gay code breaker who was instrumental in breaking Enigma. We all seen the film with the Sherlock actor playing the lead. I won’t tell you any more you have to work it out for yourself, this talk is about talking in code after all. Hitler is roasting in Hell and Satan tells him it was a Gay Englishman who broke his code. Then Hitler has to guess who, so Satan gives him the telephone books of the entire world and Hitler has to read out all the names and Satan pretends he hasn’t the answer. Throwing the pages into the fire to burn Hitler even more.

There are lots of examples of talking in code, when he love somebody but we are afraid to say, I want to spend more time with you, becomes I was just in the vicinity. You are up a mountain hanging from a rope 6000 metres in the air. I had these spare cinema tickets so I thought you might go and see a film with me. Its a 3 day trek back to base camp then a 12 hour ride on a camel. You were too shy to say, I fancy you, and the urge is upon me, I need to have a baby.

I’ll take it into consideration is the reply. Take it into consideration. Sounds like a Judge sentencing you. Love is not a sentence, its a word, MADNESS. A madness that we all go through or the Human Race would end. The Code to Life is love. Your friends might think you are dead below the waist or maybe Gay even, they talk in code by the coffee machine. He must be Gay, or she’s a Lesbian, or is he/she must be one of the A whatis you know one of those you know those Asatchels, it sounds like briefcase, Asatchel. Or maybe Celebrities, you know they don’t do it because they are one of those Celebrities. So they never celebrate their bodies because they are an Asatchel.

Then one day you turn up with a male model, and how did she get him, she’s so plain, and her arse is too big anyway. They don’t talk in code now, no more code. Just Jealous. So you snog him right in front of the security cameras, just to make sure everybody now knows you may be plain with an arse that’s too big, but YOU have a male model as a boyfriend.

They say he’s gay and you paid him to stage it all. Only from the camera evidence he was not gay, not unless he was an actor, a porn actor. But you don’t care, you have a love of crossword puzzles and that’s how you met, he dropped his Times crossword puzzle and you lent him your dictionary. Or is that a metaphor a code for something really really disgusting. You go on and on and on, is that another code, and have 9 children together.

Well I must finish for the night and that’s no code, I have further reason to write more comedy tonight, to share a laugh instead of sharing tears. That is my mission in life, to share laughter and banish tears. That is my Code.