Funny Formal Letter

michaelgcasey Uncategorized 14/01/2020 3 Minutes

Funny Formal Letter

Hello India you are one of the 70 countries that reads my words.

1000s of copies of my book

The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker have been downloaded from my WordPress

The book has a major Indian hero, and the finale was read by 21,000 Polish

readers in 3 weeks when I loaded the Polish to my website.

Up to 8 Languages in any day are being read via my site.

So you are getting Quality. In addition I have written 2000 short stories after 30 years.

My material is not just for the clever dicks with Phds it’s for the 12 to 120 year olds.

So have a think, and  please pass this to anybody who’ll  invested in me.

 You can read/hear 200 of my stories on my Typepad

Thanks again,

Michael Casey in Birmingham England, I’m too old to be serious

OK,  I’ll bullet point this as emails are 40% faster that way as

ACNielsen told us 20 years ago

Now I really am fat and silver haired and I wear shades, look for my horrid photo online

I have been writing  for 30 years now

I try and write humour. The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

is my egg or ouvre, whatever

The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker is being read

in 8 languages via my website daily

1000s of Translations have been downloaded

70 countries surrender to my words, I’m 18 stones, so resistance is futile,

I look like George Clooney after he ate everything in the fridge

I had a play called Shoplife accepted at my 1st attempt,

but they did Rocky Horror instead

it’s a boxing film I think, but maybe I’m wrong

My stuff can and will be used to teach English via Humour

I have a Shanghai wife myself and 2 bilingual daughters

Even Totoro our cat is bilingual

I have written 1,530,000 words or so, I lost count after I took my shoes and socks off

to help with the counting. And Bezo’s corner book shop has 18 books in the altogether

I thought if Bezo stacked them near his nudist section I’d get more exposure

I hope you are smiling and don’t feel like the Harry in the family

I was the family pet myself, and when my own daughters asked for a pet

I said you can have a dog if I die, or a cat if I have a heart attack

Totoro our Ninja cat arrived soon after that  5 years ago, il y a cinq ans

just to remind you we are linguists, but the ointment is clearing it up.

I am a  story teller with 2000 stories or more, so I’m like Jeffery Archer

Only he has a Monet on the wall, and I have no money at all

If in a stupor you help me, I will donate 50% to Charity, no not the local

barmaid , but real pain relief charity, and I taught James Bond that line

where he said “everything”

Ok, thanks for your time I could have brown nosed you, but at 18 Stones

one of us would have singing that  Abba song. I’m more Benny Hill myself

but look like Dave Allen when my hair is longer. My writing style is at times

a cross between Joyce Grenfell and Ronnie Corbett monologue which would

make me Gerald Wiley their bastard son. The very word on your lips.

Cheerio Michael Casey

p.s. I always write a good p.s. but Harry’s here crying on my shoulder

NOW

dear reader this is the kind of email I send to Media companies, as I may be in the gutter

but I won’t kiss any rears, not unless she ….

This email style tests  both their patience and IF they have a sense of humour, I won’t

work with anybody who’s a piece of work, though they probably think that about me.

STAY HAPPY AND BE GOOD

Michael Casey

A visit from my doctor

michaelgcasey Uncategorized 13/01/2020 1 Minute

I won’t say my flu was bad but this is how the doctor arrived
he was taking a swab from me

BBU IndonesianBengali Translation of BBUBBU ITALIANBBU UrduBBU in Indian HindipersianBBUPORTUGUESE BBU2019China BBU-convertedChina BBU-convertedВ поисках индийской принцессыWydanie polskie Still Alive 2015win Wiersze dla wszystkichThe Polish TranslationsThe Polish Translationspolish Guardian AngelPolish Edition of Still Alive 2015Michael Casey The Polish Translations페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN아직도 살아있는 2015ページ1 Quick Stories in Japaneseインドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには – CopyЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ ADСтраница 1shoplife spanishJapanese elevator AdvertBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish Examples50 Spanish Examplesbbumar2008-en-zh-cn-1BBUMar2008.en.zh-CN (1)BBU in HebrewBBU in Arabic300 وBBU Russian Translation microsoft wordBBU in KOREANBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish ExamplesKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015The Polish TranslationsSpanish BBU아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015

Welcome Back

Welcome Back (c)
BY
 Michael Casey

Well it's been  a while so I thought you could all suffer  a bit with me again. No you cannot just go down the Pub, if I suffer you all suffer, it's called caring and sharing after all. So my small daughter kept on coming downstairs from her eyrie where she's studying to get a drink from the kitchen, but without her slippers and socks. So she got a cold that she couldn't shake off over Christmas. But did manage to pass on to me, and I've been enjoying it these past 10 days or so. I'm so full of gunge and pain I could not face the hill to get to the shops. Luckily you can phone for anything this Christmas.

So you have all had Peace on Earth this Christmas. As for me my Tinnitus has been a real Roman slave, google Up Pompeii for plenty of colour and racy jokes from Up Pompeii which was a tv comedy back in 1970 onwards. We impressed our  Latin teacher so much when we mentioned it, God Bless Mr Hanney. As Tinnitus was making me a slave I decided to play with my phone while listening to Will Young. Will Young  spends his nights in my bed singing for his supper, not literally he's too clever for that. In actual fact he really is a very clever man, he could be a Political Reporter, he's that clever, though watching Politicians is a bit bizarre, Laura, is it because they all sung Tell Laura I love her. Who knows the workings of a Political Reporter's mind.
But that's just me, 50 years cursing Politicians on the telly, it's like the Roman Coliseum, I knew Tinnitus came from somewhere, it's the noise Politicians make, an eternal hiss, and yes I will say read Chapter 9 of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker, M.P. Married to a Person, Married to a People, ok as a punishment as you punish  your Stella Artois.

What else do I do at night, all alone in the dark with just Will Young's voice, voice I said, please clean your ears out, oh, you have Tinnitus too.  It's much better than Tinnitus One, ok, please yourselves as Frankie Howerd might titter, there was much tittering in Up Pompeii I remember, it was the selling point for 11 year old boys, tittering. If this was tv, I'd pull a face, but as everything I write is Radio, you'll just have to imagine, or look at my mush belove. Yes, where was I, looking at my bottom in the reflection in the window pane, I was at the bottom of the page, oh do keep up as  Kenneth might interject, though some of you may wish this was the interval, what I came back too soon, you are so cruel, I'll come and live next door to you. Yes I'll be the squatter next door, they haven't fixed the toilet yet.

And what has the last paragraph got to do with the price of nutty slack, well nothing, but sometimes a girl or is he a she, you cannot tell nowadays the way they all dress. What  it's not Nutty Slack, the local call girl, it's MZ in a Hoodie, he should change his profile page or get a ZTE phone on Amazon and take a better selfie. Are you all feeling dizzy now? I'll lead you all up the garden path again, until you are,  I never surrender and wave at Gill from StatMR this time, she's such a nice lady. Dizzie is a friend of hers they go out rapping every Sunday after church, they wrap gifts for the Sally Army. Did you think Gill with a G could Rap with an R? Well of course she can, she's gifted, she plays snooker too, she once split a pair and got one in each corner pocket.  Ok, I'm lying now, on the pool table, you see Gill said, Michael, tidy up your own mess,  and threw the broom at me, hitting my pair and knocking them into my pockets. So I'm lying flat out on the pool table with a jug of ice on my Test test Test,  testimonials, and yes i did moan, as my friends from StatsMR drunk the bar dry.

Now this is another piece of nonsense which could have gone any  which way, but Harry couldn't come, so they sent Clyde instead, he was going to splatter me, but my Navy Seal friends intervened, if anybody was going to splatter me, they would be the first. So I'm speaking from the bottom of the cesspit or latrine. Which goes to prove yet again, that Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham is so full of it, and always smells of it. So send Ck1 or CK Be and then I'll write sweet smelling prose, and you can all stop holding your nose. So thanks for waiting while I had this flu, now this cuckoo can fly over the nest again.

Still Sick

Still Sick so no new story today. Thank you to the world wide readers who are today
reading  The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker in EIGHT languages
and various translations continue to be downloaded,  on wordpress
The plan is to donate 50% or HALF of what I earn a as writer to Charity
IF EVER any of you put a link on Facebook and all other social media
and then a Publisher/Producer picks me up, and I actually make  some.
Long term I'd like to Irish Tithe, a tithe is usually 10% and you keep the rest.
I'd eventually donate 90% of any writer's earnings and keep 10%
No it's not the flu and all the lack or sleep due to TINNITUS talking
It's alway been my hope.
However it's more likely that Trump leads the world to world war.
All because of his conceit, and others' LOVE of MONEY.
So I'll just remind you all,

Blessed are the Peacemakers

THAI BBU TranslationBBU in KOREANVietnamese Translation The Butcher The Baker and The UndertakerKorean Valentine PoemKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015Korean Still Alive 2015Kasap Fırıncı ve Taahhüt © tarafındanBBU IndonesianBBU ITALIANBengali Translation of BBUBBU UrduBBU in Indian HindipersianBBUPORTUGUESE BBU2019China BBU-convertedChina BBU-convertedВ поисках индийской принцессыWydanie polskie Still Alive 2015win Wiersze dla wszystkichThe Polish TranslationsThe Polish Translationspolish Guardian AngelPolish Edition of Still Alive 2015Michael Casey The Polish Translations페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN아직도 살아있는 2015ページ1 Quick Stories in Japaneseインドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには - CopyЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ ADСтраница 1shoplife spanishJapanese elevator AdvertBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish Examples50 Spanish Examplesbbumar2008-en-zh-cn-1BBUMar2008.en.zh-CN (1)BBU in HebrewBBU in Arabic300 وBBU Russian Translation microsoft wordBBU in KOREANBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish ExamplesKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015The Polish TranslationsSpanish BBU아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015

this is not a pig sty, this is where my mother was born in 1920's Kerry Ireland
and that is where all my values stem from.

My Pussy says NO to Chipping, DEFRA

MY PUSSY SAYS NO TO CHIPPING spend 100million which it would cost at least on Pets visits to old folks homes INSTEAD

Michael Casey

Wed 01/01/2020 15:53

MY PUSSY SAYS  NO TO CHIPPING

spend £100million which it would cost at least on

Pets visits to old folks homes INSTEAD

YOU are legally responsible for damage a DOG DOES

and dangerous dogs are a result of dangerous owners

But Pussies run free.

Its a stupid idea that would cost at least 100 million

Create more jobsworth idiots too

Its a form of tracking of owners too

It invades the owners  rights as well

Are you going to put AI cameras everywhere too next

England is a free country not a Prison Camp

As you know Kitchener invented Prison Camps to put

the Boers down

Tagging our Pussies what next, tag old people,

or just the working classes

Or those that did not vote for you.

This is a total waste of time

If you want to tag your Pussy, then fine do it at your own cost.

DO NOT CREATE A MINDLESS GOVERNMENT SCHEME

Tagging pussies is none of the Government's Business

If you love  your pussy you will look after it

Don't force CHIPS WITH EVERYTHING  on everybody

Its a diet that will come back and bite you on the bum

just like rabid dogs owned by equally rabid owners

who don't chip their dangerous dogs

This is a simplistic idea, thought up by a bored  idiot

trying to  prove he is worth his over rated salary.

Are we bringing back people with a net, like the

Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang bang?

You will just worry little old ladies fearing for their pussies

Do I or must I have my Pussy Chipped

CHIPS WITH EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS A BAD DIET

Let Pussies run free and be free

Will you force everybody to spay their Tom Cat next?

This is a Top Down idea, when you should always

be in the gutter with the pussies hiding under the warm cars

but looking up at the Stars, and wondering is CATS really such

a bad film, or did Defra review it?

We have a cat called TOTORO it looks exactly like the pussy

from 10 Downing Street, but far deadlier it is a Ninja cat

As  all the dead mice and rats will confer  from our old house.

And why do we have a cat these past 5 years

Because my daughters nagged for a pet and I said they could have

a dog if I died or a cat if I had a heart attack

5 years ago this very  week I went into hospital 

 

and had what turned out

to be an Unplanned Quadruple Heart Bypass.

So my girls got a cat, and not a dog.

The cat is called Totoro after the Studio Ghibli

cat. The cat also understands Chinese as my daughters are

Bilingual, having a Shanghai mother does do that to you.

Totoro also understands plastic,

the sound of plastic brings her running

Or if I jangle my keys she'll come racing over fences.

As the new notes are made of plastic, if you

squeeze a tenner Totoro will also come running,

or maybe that's the Chinese influence in Totoro.

SO PLEASE DEFRA LET ALL PUSSIES RUN FREE,

DON'T PUT CHIPS IN THEM.

And I hope you listen, and you can steal my

Pussy Visits to Old People's Homes idea

the National Lottery can pay for that.

So I hope I squeeze in under the deadline,

just as a cat uses its whiskers to tell spaces.

I remain a humble citizen, praying for the best possible world,

as Candide or was it Voltaire said.

Michael Casey

aka "the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England"

p.s. I'd love a dog myself,

but God might have the last laugh at that.