The Nobel Art of Advertising

 

The Nobel Art of Advertising ©

By Michael Casey

 

I had a strange email yesterday from a real proper company, they know who they are, and it was in Chinese. Then today I had a retraction from the same company, saying not to worry. I get loads of rubbish in many languages, it’s my own fault because I have loads of Translations of my books and stories on my Wordpress https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/  so I can annoy the world. Korea is looking at me bigtime at the moment, whether that’ll lead to anything only time will tell. So the world assumes I’m multilingual, ok the hackers and jokers send me rubbish in many languages. It does say English only on my site, if I can Google translate then so can they. I do write everything in English, my mother tongue after all. Anyway because of that stray email yesterday I am talking about this today. But before I forget, I just delete any email stating people are dying, or they work in a bank. I just click phishing and hopefully they lose their email account and/or the police come and take them and their $100,000,000 dollars away, along with their monopoly set.

 

Which brings me back to Advertising, but first I have to close the windows it’s  cold, my daughter came back from 6^th form college and burnt her dinner in the kitchen, and the stink has spread to here, the “study” I opened then window and the stink got stronger, my daughter said it was better than my B.O. or my aftershave, but I digress. So why do we Advertise? To promote and sell. Obviously I’m no good at selling, otherwise I’d be living in Harborne the posh zone in Birmingham. I’ll stay here till I die, which some days feels very close, but my back is healing now after 2 weeks, but I’m walking around like Groucho Marx at the moment, and I can only stand for a minute or so before the pain is too much. I hurt my back 10 years ago and it clicks out randomly, the appointment for the back hospital arrived the day I got out of the heart hospital after my  heart bypass, so much for Ying and Yang. Maybe if I have more children, me and my imaginary Korean Kpop wife, we’ll call our daughters Ying Casey and Yang Casey.

 

Advertising is for selling and sharing. Churches have signs, give us our daily bread, as do bakers for jam donuts. By advertising you make money, and then you can live your life of luxury. Though as I’d said before I’d donate away money, if I earnt any, all you need is enough, then share the rest. But let’s get back to advertising. How you dress is a form of advertising, the selfie is the ultimate advert. Look at me I’m so great, are you jealous. As girls pout and stick out their bum, but my bum is bigger and tighter and firmer, no cellulite on mine. Though mine is hairier, perhaps I should advertise for Harry’s the perfect bum shave, though they do say their razor is not suitable for heads, what about bums? Should I send them and email and ask. Or is there a whole new career path ahead.

 

What else could I advertise? Toilet paper, I use enough, so I am an expert. Look at the sheets, sheets I said, count the sheets, as some offers are not as good as others. And if you want my expert bum opinion Kirkland paper is the best, sheet per sheet, it goes a long long way, and is better value than Andrex the leader here in UK. You’ll all be looking at Amazon right now. And don’t forget Baby Wipes don’t flush away, they just block and flood, as a friend had a flood because somebody used Baby Wipes, and then blocked and flooded. Yes there was a big stink about that.

 

Here in UK, humour is used more to sell stuff, it is claimed some of our adverts are better than imported TV programmes. Yes, I would love to write for adverts and I am available for a four figure sum. And here’s and example, so if you want me to write for you. Michael Casey is the FAT silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham, that’s BirmingUM as in England. What can we say about him, he’s so adorable, and you chose him he’ll keep you laughing, and you’ll have beautiful children with soft silvery hair. He’s such a catch, with scars everywhere like a pirate, a chest scar that is ever so long, with a delicious balloon like hernia poking through his bypass scar, which fills with air like a balloon, and if you make Michael Casey laugh he’ll cry, in pain, as it hurts when he laughs. Such fun to see. And when he takes off his trousers you’ll see his scars on his legs, where veins were harvested to go into his heart. See a fine figure of a man, scared to save his life, from ankles to his naughty bits. But his legs are so strong, topped off, topped off, not Topol, by a firm and large derriere. Beyonce was sent a silhouette and she was so envious, she hid hers with a Jersey, or was it JayZee. Then moving up his frame a very hairy left shoulder, an A3 size brown birthmark covered in hair. Are you getting palpitations ladies, or even men reading this. Could you control your lust, would you, could you, must you, you just had too. The 9 months later, small Michaels arrive. Or is this advertising so bad and terrible you’d just use it to wipe your bum with. Have I no hope, no future of being a father to more? What’s that knock at the door, is it a suitor, or just Amazon delivering more toilet paper.