Friday 29 November 2019

The Writer Michael Casey and his cat Totoro 29 Nov 2019

Don't Quote Me I'm a Politician

Don't Quote Me I'm a Politician (c)

Michael Casey

You said you hate your mother and you hoped she'd die a horrible death.

So Why should any of us vote for you?

The Politician splutters.

Well go on, explain yourself FancyPants.

The lashing continues.

The Politician continues to splutter.

The Interviewer intervenes.

I'll just have to cut you off there, Penny in Farthing.

The Interviewer spotting his chance at radio fame takes over the lashing.

Why were you such a BASTARD to your own mother, your only mother,

who gave you her titty to feed you, to nurture you, you BASTARD.

The Politician regains his composure.

I WAS 3 AT THE TIME, SHE WOULD NOT LET ME WATCH POSTMAN PAT ON TV.

But that's still no way to talk to your mother.

Thanks for coming in to bore us with your policies, we won't be voting for you anyway.

Now on RadioQAZWSX here's Dolly Parton with Stand by Your Mam, or Man

Whatever.

So now that everything is recorded for Posterity, do Politicians have a chance.

Well no, we all hate them anyway.

Close the garden gate, and take your junk mail with you, I mean the junk male, the one smoking his skunk as he leans on my gatepost saying how much he loves trees. There's enough bark in what he's smoking.

Don't patronise me, how much you are a member of the community, you've lived 400miles away all your life. And as for your wife I've never seen her down the local Tesco, or at the Bingo. And as for down the nail bar, she'd never go to one of those. Mind you Tina's nail bar is the worst, not even the rats would go in there. The Boomtown Rats that is. And why should I vote for you? You and your girlfriends, I've seen it all in The News of The World, so it must be true. What you give me an extra 100 a week if I vote for you. I'd suck your toes if you offered that, of course I'd vote for you. Will you come in and I can practice, it must be hard knocking on knockers all day. Just come in for a quick cuppa, the BBC man has stopped following you.

Yes of course I'll vote for you, I've always voted that way, never the other lot, can you just help me peel a few potatoes for the dinner, it'll look good on social media. The Politician comes in and peels potatoes, in the kitchen she meets all the Politicians from all the colours of the rainbow. One is making beds, another is vacuuming, another washing windows, another is helping with maths homework. Upstairs an old man is laughing his kilt off, that'll teach the bastards to come to our house. I was Douglas Stewart air steward , the other one was on the BBC, I used to get his mail by mistake so I kept all the stamps, I had quite a collection.

So on it goes, we neither like or love any politician, they are all in it for themselves. But if they offer us anything, an electoral bribe of course we'll vote for them. And we'll swear we'll always voted this way or that way, or even the other way. For their's is the one true way. So Help Me God, not that I believe in God, I only believe in myself, I am a POLITICIAN after all the Cream.

Wednesday 27 November 2019

Thanksgiving USA 2019

michaelgcasey27/11/2019UncategorizedEdit

Thanksgiving USA 2019 ©

Michael Casey

Now where do I begin, I’m not American, so dare I speak to you in USA and all over the world about Thanksgiving? Well your Holidays tend to drift over here, we have Halloween and Thanksgiving has led to Black Friday over here too. So I’ve picked that to bore you with, and let’s see just how far I can get, before you all get off the couch and head for the shops. Or for your online shops.

What do you give thanks for? Thank you for the Music Abba used to sing, so we all thank our favourite stars for their gift of song that means so much to us all. I’d like to thank Taylor Swift for not hurrying and spending the night with me, not forgetting Mylie Cyrus and Gerry Rafferty as well as Britain’s Will Young. They are the foursome that comes to bed with me most nights, maybe I should buy a bigger bed at Costco’s Black Friday sale. Their voices I mean,what kind of man do you think I am? And as I’ve mentioned one male dead artist, 2 female artists, one of whom is Bisexual and a gay man, my selection of these 4 could cover a whole host of things. But as you know I am referring to going to bed with their voices, their voices alone, though, well there is no though, just my TINNITUS. So song keeps the hiss at bay as I try to get to sleep, with 4 voices, voices, not vices, to keep me company.

I give thanks that you now realise what I’m talking about,Tinnitus. And no Tinnitus was not some Roman slave, thankfully no American studied Rome as far as I know. So what else do we give thanks for? We thank God,we found that website that would write essays for us, so we can continue with our Sporting Scholarship. Then we go and see the latest Jumanjii at the Cinema, and who do we bump into at the popcorn stand? Miss FatKnickers, though you never say that to her face, and for the first time ever you meet her beau. Your jaw drops, he could be a film star, he has all the looks.

What does he see in her you ask your friends, and she overhears but pretends not to. So you go and enjoy the film. Miss Fatknickers meanwhile is in a clinch with her beau, and no that’s not what he saw in her, she has personality and a kind face. Despite having fatknickers that a F16 Tomcat could land on, her beau loves her, for being herself. Something all of us should remember, give thanks for just being yourself. Besides she helped him overcome his stutter and he is now a Radio Announcer on WKBAZAZAOP, so she has given him something money cannot buy. And together they are so in love.

The film ends and you see Miss Fatknickers leaving the multiplex, her beau lovingly removing the stray popcorn from her face, and making her blush as he brushes it from her well filled jumper, they are so much in love. You and you friends snigger at them. You go home and you tell everybody that you saw Miss Fatknickers having her breasts stroked in public, before your elucidate. Your family laughs.

But he who laughs last laughs longest, Miss Fatknickers sends you an email, but the voice is of her beau in his best announcer’s voice. We looked at your essay and we spotted that it came from Lazy Essays R Us, Cheat Your Way to the Top website. So can you write the essay again, over the Thanksgiving Holiday. You curse your luck. Her beau has a PhD in English, he’s not just a pretty face. As for Miss Fatknickers she is naked on the bed, waiting for the whipped cream, it’s so much nicer than popcorn, as the Radio Announcer on WKBAZAZAOP tells her….

Korean Valentine Poem KOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015 Korean Still Alive 2015

Korean Valentine Poem KOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015 Korean Still Alive 2015 Kasap Fırıncı ve Taahhüt © tarafından BBU Indonesian BBU ITALIAN Bengali Translation of BBU BBU Urdu persianBBU PORTUGUESE BBU2019 China BBU-converted China BBU-converted В поисках индийской принцессы Wydanie polskie Still Alive 2015 win Wiersze dla wszystkich The Polish Translations The Polish Translations polish Guardian Angel Polish Edition of Still Alive 2015 Michael Casey The Polish Translations 페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN 아직도 살아있는 2015 ページ1 Quick Stories in Japanese インドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには – Copy ЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ AD Страница 1 shoplife spanish Japanese elevator Advert BBU German BBU French 50 Spanish Examples 50 Spanish Examples bbumar2008-en-zh-cn-1 BBUMar2008.en.zh-CN (1)BBU in Hebrew BBU in Arabic 300 و BBU Russian Translation microsoft word BBU in KOREAN BBU German BBU French 50 Spanish Examples KOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015 The Polish Translations Spanish BBU 아직도 살아있는 2015 아직도 살아있는 2015 아직도 살아있는 2015

Published by michaelgcasey

I've updated this today 17th Oct 2019 I'm Michael Casey from Birmingham England, the fat silver haired writer in shades. Beware of Others with the EXACT SAME NAME, they are not me, and would not want to be me ... I've done loads of writing, 1,531,000 Words worth over 30 years now But before I started I LISTENED to BBC Radio 4 for 20 years, from the age of 10 or younger Frank Brown our lodger, went back to County Tyrone and he gifted us his Bush Radio He'd be nearly 100 now if he is still alive, so say a prayer for him 50 years in love with words, and I still look so dashing. I almost immediately had a hit, a play called Shoplife was accepted but not finally produced by a Theatre The Kenneth More Theatre, so thank them for sparing you all. This was back in 1989 I also had other high praise, so I ignore all the nasty negative people who use too much alliteration I also ignore those who just cannot write, making money does not mean you can tell a story Pick your own famous writer, who you avoid Today's world has much print, but a page will not refuse ink, as my dad used to say I tend to write Comedy as I'd rather make you laugh than cry I must have written over 2000 short pieces of writing, yes 2000 My first book ,a full length comedy/drama is The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker You can read translations of it here on this site Up to 7 different languages/translations have been read on the same day via this site, here on Wordpress so you have no excuse, find your own language and read The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker This proves to me that the humour does travel I have readers in over 60 countries now Or its just a hit man on the run, or bored Navy Seals or whatever Unknown Region Means It may also mean that only non English Speakers like my stuff I did get 21,000 readers in 3 weeks for the Polish version of In Search of an Indian Princess which is basically the final 3 chapters of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker I also had a low budget film producer take a look at it Book Publishers have said I've made the commissioning editor laugh Radio People say they like my style So close but no cigar is the story of my life As for my life, I was a computer operator for a market research company into alcohol sales I also was a concierge and an Esol English teacher in an Islamic school I can always make somebody talk or laugh, I am an 18 stone George Clooney look alike Laugh or Die so to speak I believe my short stories could be used to teach English, just package them up correctly or App them What else, I was brawn and brains, I used to be as strong as an Ox, now I just smell like one We have a cat called Totoro, my daughters wanted a pet I said they could have a dog if I died , or a cat if I had a heart attack. A few weeks after that in Jan 2015 I had an Unplanned Quadruple Heart Bypass , it was supposed to be a triple but it ended up a Quadruple, 33% extra free so to speak. I also have arthritis and other hindrances that hobble my body and give me pain galore. But my mind is free, though having read my stories you may wish I didn't bother But I'll ignore you, and carry on regardless. That's the end of the tidy version of my life, if you want more come and buy me a Stella Artois and all will be revealed. Though 12 pints a year is my ration. To finish here's the list of my 18 books, so far:- 1.The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker 2.Shoplife 3.Essays and Plays 4.Blogs 2011 5.300 and Not OUT 6.Shorts 2013 7.More Shorts 2014 8.Quick Stories 9.Still Alive 2015 10.Undiscovered Words 2016 11.Still Smiling 2017 12.Altogether Now 13.New Horizons 14.14 Up 15.15 Down 16.Sweet Sixteen 17. 17 Again 18. 18 New Views My 19th book will be The 19th Hole and Donald Trump will review it when he resigns https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC to buy ebooks ok, that's your lot, this reads serious, but generally I refuse to be serious, though I do heckle the news for 50 years now TTFN Michael Casey p.s. my email is michaelgcasey@hotmail.com for all praise, I get enough Junk email already View more posts

The Trouble with Technology 2001

The Trouble with Technology

michaelgcasey27/11/2019UncategorizedEdit

The Trouble with Technology, this is an old piece from nearly 19 years ago

I stumbled over Zak Doffman today, he’s an IT expert, as opposed to me a DEC PDP 1170

dynosaur. So if ever he reads this piece he’ll laugh and cry. This was written before the iphone et al was invented, he’ll know I do not.

In the end I think the East will win, by sheer numbers and skills combined, so Zak is right Trump’s one dimensional approach to trade will/could do more harm than good. If Zak gets any Huawei mobiles free as freebies he can always send me one.

Though he’ll probably send me a message in a bottle instead, old technology so to speak. I’ve never heard of Zak Doffman till I stumbled over his piece today. Though his face seems familiar, was he the news reporter cameraman in Groundhog Day, or that BBC reporter in USA, Anthony something. Maybe it’s just my eyesight, I need a Huawei to zoom in.

all the best anyway Zak.

Ok I’ll let you read my piece

Michael Casey

The trouble with Technology (c)

Michael Casey

The trouble with technology is that we all use it, now if we just left it all alone then we all have no problems . Simple really but we all just can’t leave it alone, we all just have you use it . In the beginning if we wanted water we’d fetch the bucket and drop it down a well. My mother was born just 30 feet from the sea , but they were fortunate because they had their own well , so they went outside and dropped the bucket down the well and then they had water . Then technology comes along and we just turn a tap and we have clean water instantly . We have hot water too , at the turn of a tap . In one generation so many changes . However technology then works against us , because we assume it will always work and that there will be no problems

We don’t even know where the stopcock is , so our homes flood and then we discover we are not covered by our insurance .

My mother grew up with an oil lamp hanging above , no luxury of gas lamps for her , as for electricity , that was just a dream . Nowadays how could any society manage without electricity , its impossible to believe life without electricity . No tv , no radio , no freezers , no street lighting , no traffic lights, the list goes on and on . As for indoor plumbing , the luxury of a hot bath , the WC in the home . My mother grew up with no indoor plumbing , if you needed the bathroom as the American’s say , then you’d leave the house and pick your spot in a field with the cows gazing on , as for toilet paper you had a blade of grass to wipe your %^** . As for me we did not have such hardships , we had an outside WC , which we did not have to share with any other family , just 8 Caseys sharing our outside bog/toilet . There was a yard light to illuminate the way and a light in the toilet too . Which was sheer luxury compared to my mum’s and my dad’s childhoods . My dad would always come home and immediately switch off the yard light because it was wasting electricity . Then a shout would go up “Put the light on” , and my dad would always say “I didn’t know” . Then there was the indignity of running out of paper . My brother Tony had a very good sense of humour so it was always the case that I’d shout from the yard “More Bog Roll” which is the English slang for toilet paper . Tony was kind so he’d always bring out a fresh supply of paper , only he liked to tease so he’d push one sheet , just one sheet of paper under the door and say that’s all there was in the house , and that mom said I’d have to use my finger . Then he’d go away laughing . He always left a full roll of paper on the doorstep , much to my relief .

Simple technology , we all take for granted , water and electricity . What does all this technology do for us ? It gives us independent comfortable lives , we have clean water , hot water , light and warmth . Then with the miracle of TV we can all watch the world go by , from the comfort of our homes , or the local bar whichever is our true home . We are now a global village as has often been said , but then we become anti social as its easier to watch tv than to interact with real people , we’d rather watch fiction on tv than have a real life . But with technology we can send an email to our neighbour across the road , with pictures and video , rather than leave our castle homes , rather than going over for a coffee and a bar of chocolate .That’s one view the optimistic view says that we truly can break down barriers by using the miracle of email to keep us connected though we are thousands of miles apart . I have to hold my hand up and admit that I am an email Junky , I did send up to 5 emails a day to my friend in another part of the office , because we were both having fun . Then when I fell in love with my one true love it was ONLY because of the miracle of email that our love survived .I sent my girlfriend long long emails everyday for 6 months . She was in Shanghai while I was in Birmingham . My heart was breaking with love and hope until finally she came back to me . I’d come home from work at 3am and hit the keyboard , with luck because of the time difference we’d actually be live and talking almost in real time .You cannot imagine how heart rending it was to come home to an email , to get up in the afternoon and read an email before going on night shift .I think whoever invented email should be made a saint, without email our love would not have lasted . An exchange of letters takes 14 days from Birmingham to Shanghai , so thank God for email and God himself KNOWS just how much I mean that , Sainthood is not high enough reward for the inventor of email .Is it Saint Bill Gates ? The telephone is fantastic , but too expensive , I know my phone bill reached 4 figures , but an email can be read over and over again , and even printed off , so it is a letter.

So I confess email is the most important leap in technology of the 20th Century , as far as I am concerned .

The next stage in the technology story are mobile phones that send/receive video and tv , so we are literally wired up where ever we are in the world science fiction becoming science fact . We all used empty match boxes to pretend we were Captain Kirk communicating to the Enterprise but now they are here for real . If you have been in a theatre,church,hospital and these things bleep you have to decide for yourself are they useful or just a real pain in the *&^% . On balance they are good , but people have to be a lot more considerate , nobody else wants to hear their conversations if they are in church or at the theatre or even cinema . I remember a conversation I had at dinner on Xmas Eve just gone , the guy sat next to me happen to design mobile phones , he was very very good at his job , but I did warn caution about saturation point being reached . Then today 4months on , I am proved right , the mobile giants are in trouble , why , because of saturation point now being reached .

I don’t want to end on low note , so I’ll tell another anecdote , we all remember when we had our first colour tv , how wonderful it was and how we all marvel and the colours . The BBC started showing snooker because of the colours , and now tv without snooker would be unimaginable . Then remote control came in , so we’d try different positions and even outside the house and through the glass into the room where the tv was . Technology makes us all like children , its supposed to be a triumph of engineering and technology but really its our greatest toy , and our greatest joy . On Saturday my dad will come out of the old peoples home to spend the day with me and my Chinese wife in our home . I’ll be able to show him the internet and I hope I can bring tears of joy to his eyes as I show him County Kerry on the computer monitor . Sitting in my living room in Birmingham he can read the Irish newspapers and see his homeland where he started as a blacksmith in the 1930s . This is how we should be using technology .

End

20/4/2001