What Use am I, I am an Old Woman?

What Use am I, I am Just an Old Woman?

By

Michael Casey

Maria Gonzales was an old woman, a very old woman now, bent with pain and old age and a lifetime of cleaning rich people’s homes. But she was much loved, honest cleaners are worth their weight in gold. So over the years her employers had paid her well and they always brought her a Rosary from every Holy place they could visit in South America and the world over. Maria Gonzales would never travel anywhere but the Rosaries came to her, she was content. She had a drawer full of Rosaries still in presentation cases that she used and lovingly placed back inside the presentation case after saying her 3 Rosaries, The Joyful, The Sorrowful and The Glorious. Maria Gonzales was content, God was in his Heaven but the Virgin was happy to live in a drawer next to Maria Gonzales bed.

Now when Big Sid was shot, the tv news covered it the world over and even in Maria Gonzales part of the world they heard about it, as Mrs Murphy had screamed for help and Rosaries in many languages. So Sid was saved. Maria Gonzales had in fact pulled every single Rosary from the drawer and used them to say 3 Rosaries on each, she was locked and loaded. Maria Gonzales fell asleep still clutching a Rosary an employer had brought from Lourdes in France, such a long way away from her village outside Lima. The rest of the Rosaries fell all over the floor as Maria Gonzales slept.

As dawn broke Maria Gonzales awoke with a Hail Mary on her lips, the Rosaries were no longer on the floor but neatly stacked in their presentation cases on the other side of the room beneath a picture of Our Lady. Maria said “thank you” and in her mind she could hear a soft gentle voice answer “De nada” Maria knew she’d be needing her Rosaries again soon, and all of them too, they were ready and waiting, a Big Prayer was coming. She did not know what or how or who but Maria Gonzales knew a Big Prayer would be needed.

Back in Old Forge and Singing Anvil they breathed a sigh of relief, Big Sid was still alive. But now events had moved fast, Fr.Dan had landed from China, the Chinese billionaire and the British aristocrat had joined forces, the international drugs dealers convention had this year decided to meet in Birmingham England, and they were going to get the shock of their lives.

Mrs Murphy did not know all the details, but she had handed out some Our Lady of Lourdes medals while Fr. Dan’s new best friend the reformed Chinese Billionaire’s Playboy Son had hand out the Shanghai Soother, which looked like a body warmer was in fact body armour. The filth from afar were going to get a kicking, and Fr. Dan swore it as he and his new BFF from Shanghai would lead the charge. Though the British aristocrat, had invited a few friends from down Hereford way to help move some furniture, if you know what I mean.

So while this was all being plotted and served cold on a plate, Mrs Murphy reached for her Nuclear weapons again. This time she could not scream and shout over the tv, she had to use a secret way to gain help and assistance. So she picked up the phone and rang the International Daughters of the Rosary headquarters. This being the janitor’s store at the Oratory Hagley Rd Birmingham, where John Henry Newman used to live. Old Mrs Newman, no relation picked up the phone and turned her hearing aid up to 17, Mrs Murphy was whispering. I need a favour, a silent Novena of Protection. Mrs Newman put the mop in the mop bucket, this was big, she could tell.

So the word was put out and would be transmitted. Who are we protecting asked Mrs Newman as she in turn whispered into the phone. Well I don’t know all the names but here are some:-

Mathew, Mark, Luke and John, then Patrick my son, but I’ll be praying for him, then there’s Fr.Dan my favourite priest ever and his new BBF from Shanghai, those are the ones whose names I know, and there’s a whisper that some farmers from Hereford might be coming, but I’m not supposed to know that, and all I know about farmers is wherever there are farmers there always is a big stink.

Mrs Murphy put down the phone and slipped her Rosary out of her pinny pocket, it would be a long night. Where was that space blanket Esther her Jewish zillionaire’s mother had sent her. Maybe she should tell Esther too, she could keep secrets, her son owned spy satellites everywhere. Mrs Newman at the Oratory reached for the high shelf in the janitor’s store, hidden behind an old battered box of Brillo was a phone her son had given her. It was like the Bat phone, but so much more powerful. On this phone, ever phone number of everybody connected to International Daughters of the Rosary. Mrs Newman whispered into the phone. Pray Day, Pray Day, Pray Day Ave Marie, then she listed the names of those in need of protection. With just one push of a button everybody would get the message. The Tsunami was coming, the Tsunami was coming.

What Use am I, I am just an old woman? You can pray, and pray they did. The water of life had ripples on the shore, but now the waves were getting bigger, and bigger, the storm, the Tsunami was brewing. Nothing or nobody would hurt, nos hichos, they were protected. North, South and East and West, even in the space station the call came though. First to a Russian astronaut whose mother had rung reminding him he was closer to Heaven so pray too, then on a secure channel Esther’s son spoke, All Eyes All Prayers Protect our boys.

But What of Maria Gonzales? She did not get any message but she knew anyway, the Rosaries had been lined up ready, but she could only use one at a time. Then, then the cars started to arrive outside her door, rich ladies, very rich ladies, those who had brought her all those Rosaries began to arrive. 27 ladies all looking worried, they did not know why or how but they were drawn to their servants door.

Maria, Maria are you well? They are asked anxiously, I’m fine, but maybe it’s not me who called you here. Then she showed them the Rosaries all lined up ready. Maria started to hand out the Rosaries, nobody knew what was going on. Then one phone rung. It was the called from the janitor’s room. This is why we are here, the rich lady announced. So they started then and there in a poor woman’s home some of the finest ladies of the city, of Lima began to pray.

NOW TOMORROW 29TH FEB 2020  Leap Year's  Day 

MARKS   THE 32ND Birthday of my first book

The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

What you've just read will become part of the climax of Tears for a Butcher

which will be the sequel starting the very next day

but still not written 32 years later

I have produced 18 more books, but still the sequel is not finished 

and may never be.

I have had occasion to pray bigtime recently, and yes the Rosary works

You may pray down your pub, or on a mat, or wherever 

I was thinking of carrying on with story tonight but I'm too tired and I

did have to slap on the Movelat painkiller a few minutes ago.

So  you'll probably get something else tomorrow 

Or you could try finishing the story as an exercise.

My Tinnitus was not so bad the past 2 nights, but I still waken every 2 hours.

And have a party for my writing tomorrow 29th Feb 2020, wherever you are

or just burn my books and use the flames to cook hotdogs.

china-bbu-converted-1BBU UrduBengali Translation of BBUTHAI BBU TranslationBBU in KOREANVietnamese Translation The Butcher The Baker and The UndertakerKorean Valentine PoemKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015Korean Still Alive 2015Kasap Fırıncı ve Taahhüt © tarafındanBBU IndonesianBBU ITALIANBBU in Indian HindipersianBBUPORTUGUESE BBU2019В поисках индийской принцессыWydanie polskie Still Alive 2015win Wiersze dla wszystkichThe Polish TranslationsThe Polish Translationspolish Guardian AngelPolish Edition of Still Alive 2015Michael Casey The Polish Translations페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN아직도 살아있는 2015ページ1 Quick Stories in Japaneseインドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには - CopyЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ ADСтраница 1shoplife spanishJapanese elevator AdvertBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish Examples50 Spanish Examplesbbumar2008-en-zh-cn-1BBUMar2008.en.zh-CN (1)BBU in HebrewBBU in Arabic300 وBBU Russian Translation microsoft wordBBU in KOREANBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish ExamplesKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015The Polish TranslationsSpanish BBU아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015

How a Virus saved the world

How a Virus saved the world

Well the newspapers seem to be overreacting to this virus

My wife was in Shanghai visiting her mum when it began

So she and the whole of China stayed indoors

So that was her Chinese New Year holiday

She managed to get a flight out

AND

then self isolated away from me

Before coming back to the family house

Now we see the whole world reacting

In the End it will be good for Global Warming

As less activity will harm the Planet less

People moan about being stuck in a hotel etc

What about the housebound

What about those living on benefit

In an overcrowded benefits hotel

So people should thank their lucky stars

They live/ we live somewhere with a great health service

Newspapers are having a field day, but a little bit excessive

Its people like me with Health Problems  who'd drop like flies

Over in USA Trump has lined up Pence to take a fall

If it struck USA, all the 300 million guns would be out in

the civilian population, because nobody tells me what to do

It's my right  to cough and spew and (((((( you

So let the world have a rest and be gentle to one another

sister and brother, for this is our one world

and we have no other

Simple Sarah

Simple Sarah (c)

By

Michael Casey

Simple Sarah, was well simple, or so folks thought, in fact she used to teach languages, very strange languages to very strange men. They all respected her, she used to slap their knuckles with a plastic ruler if they made any mistakes. She was no ordinary ESOL English teacher, but in reverse if you know what I mean. She was the best, the very best in her field. When she announced she was to retire early, while there was still some life in the old dog, everybody at the “school” was sad. You’ll miss the bitch, or Miss Bitch, I know what you call me behind my back. Then she laughed like a drain, and everybody joined in. She always told them after slapping knuckles with a ruler, one day you’ll thank me. And indeed they did, indeed they did.

They didn’t give her a clock as a leaving present, they gave her a watch and a parrot. As she had told them all that Parrot Fashion was the only way to be when speaking a language. She also told them a friend of hers used to own a cafe and he had a parrot that always said “shut the bleeding door” and yes that’s a true story, because this writer’s dad used to go there on High Street Smethwick many years ago. So Simple Sarah retired early, with a parrot and a Mickey Mouse watch, though it was no ordinary Mickey Mouse watch.

So Simple Sarah settled into living in her Agatha Raison style village. Soon she knew everybody and she knew everything, she cycled everywhere with an old grocer’s bicycle with it’s basket at the front. Simple Sarah was a big strong girl, in fact she once had a French student in her class, he complained about being hit with a ruler, so she slapped his face so hard it was red for an hour. She believed in discipline, and so did her students. The French man never complained after that, in fact a year later he returned with a gift of wine and cheese. All he said was, you saved my life, and went away with a tear in his eye.

So Simple Sarah soon became the village gossip par excellent, she knew things only your priest or doctor should or could know. If you were sick, or needed cheering up she was there. A cheerful chat, disgusting really disgusting jokes, that you’d need confession after hearing them. Or a kiss and a hug, and a gift of jam left at your door. She had a friend called Mrs Douglas who made cake so a cake made with love from Mrs Douglas would find it’s way to you. Carried in a basket in front of the bicycle, Simple Sarah really was the best, simple the best, better than all the rest. Flowers were grown in her garden and shared with love. Simple Sarah had green fingers up to her elbow, she received seeds in the post from her “boys” as she called them fondly, even if they called her “Miss Bitch”, she laughed at the memory.

Simple Sarah loved her life, her retirement, she could keep a secret too, so she was the confessor to all, she could easily have put the priest out of business. But she did not, she was a glue, a form or chattering cement that bound the street as other women do all over the world do. Now when one day Sarah was not seen at the post office everybody assumed she was some place else. But she was not, she had in fact fallen down the stairs, carrying too many books and her mug of Horlicks.

There was a Frenchman in the post office, he wanted to buy a plastic ruler, he was the very same Frenchman, all the girls swooned. He was hot, so very very hot, and yes he even had a moustache and a battered beret with a Lourdes badge on. Then everybody pointed to the sky, there was a parrot flying overhead, it had something in it’s claws, it was a watch. It was Simple Sarah’s, she had told them all to call her simply Sarah, or Simple Sarah and had laughed when she first met them all. Hence Simple Sarah, and now the parrot was carrying her watch.

The Frenchman looked up, Miss Bitch he exclaimed, he recognised both parrot and the watch. Everybody in the post office gave him a filthy look, such language and to speak of the angelic Simple Sarah in such a way. The Frenchman ran outside and spoke in a foreign language, the parrot immediately descended and perched on his shoulder. The Frenchman looked at the watch, he pressed the special button immediately. Help will Come, Help with Come but this was not Narnia this was a little English village, near Herford.

The Frenchman spoke into his phone again in a very strange language, look after the parrot he commanded, and he was so very commanding, the French as so very hot, hot hot. All the post office ladies were aquiver. The rescuers will come, just tell them Jacques Cousteau has gone ahead, and then he raced through field in a direct attack, or should I say save. What’s going on, and why is Simple Sarah’s parrot here. Then the ladies looked at the Mickey Mouse watch, on the back was an inscription, from those who dare to speak.

They didn’t quiet understand what it all meant, but 3 military helicopters overhead and quad bikers swarming did give a little indication. Simple Sarah used to teach strange languages to even stranger men, and yes your life could depend on it, so you did have to speak just like a parrot. Or something deadlier than a ruler might hit you. And why was the Frenchman call Jacques Cousteau? Because he enjoyed a gentle paddle in water, if I explained any more somebody might have to kill you, if you’ve read the first story in The Final Cut of the 19^th Hole that might explain it to you, ok enough.

So Simple Sarah was saved and a helicopter took her to a Military hospital, as it was the closest, and they do look after their own after all. Though Birmingham’s QE does look after many military too, and military nurses work there, as this writer can testify. All was revealed, well almost, Simple Sarah was a linguist, was it 15 languages she spoke, and they were the kind of languages “naughty boys” as she called her boys might need when they were out for a Friday night’s mischief. And yes that’s a metaphor.

All the post office’s supply of plastic rulers were bought up, the “naught boys” did have a sense of humour after all. So a vase of wine with plastic rulers sticking out of it like flowers was placed by her bed in hospital. They did give her a very long straw as well.

Pan Cake Day 25th Feb 2020

Pan Cake Day 25th Feb 2020  The Writer Michael Casey all layered up

we had some snow today on our hill, so I am all layered up

THAI BBU TranslationBBU in KOREANVietnamese Translation The Butcher The Baker and The UndertakerKorean Valentine PoemKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015Korean Still Alive 2015Kasap Fırıncı ve Taahhüt © tarafındanBBU IndonesianBBU ITALIANBengali Translation of BBUBBU UrduBBU in Indian HindipersianBBUPORTUGUESE BBU2019China BBU-convertedChina BBU-convertedВ поисках индийской принцессыWydanie polskie Still Alive 2015win Wiersze dla wszystkichThe Polish TranslationsThe Polish Translationspolish Guardian AngelPolish Edition of Still Alive 2015Michael Casey The Polish Translations페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN아직도 살아있는 2015ページ1 Quick Stories in Japaneseインドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには – CopyЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ ADСтраница 1shoplife spanishJapanese elevator AdvertBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish Examples50 Spanish Examplesbbumar2008-en-zh-cn-1BBUMar2008.en.zh-CN (1)BBU in HebrewBBU in Arabic300 وBBU Russian Translation microsoft wordBBU in KOREANBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish ExamplesKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015The Polish TranslationsSpanish BBU아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015

Tyson Fury and Me

Tyson Fury and Me
Tyson Fury and Me. He is 6feet 9inches and 115kilos I am 5feet 10 inches & 118kilos We have nothing in common But I remain the fat (heavy weight) writer in shades because I am denser than him not a lot of people know that, as Michael Caine might say

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1

The Navvy

The Navvy (c)

By

Michael Casey

Now as Donald Trump flies off to India I was thinking what to talk about today, then as I looked out the window the answer lay there. The Navvy, you see Virgin Media are laying cable everywhere, its suppose to be the fastest and the best, according to the reviews. Sadly out of my price range, but if you are reading this Richard, feel free to give me the whole package for free, and I’ll thank you in pectore if I spelt that right. But obviously that’ll never happen, not unless it’s him in American Samoa who is reading me. Though it’s probably a desk clerk bored with porn who is reading me.

Now a Navvy is a misspelling of Navy, no Donald it is not, word blindness is a bad thing, it slows you down, you get tenses wrong, P for B and so on, and yes I do all that, but maybe it’s because I’m too fast. So let’s hold hands Donald and tip toe through the Tulips, just watch of for Tiny Tim, you know the boy from a Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens, the British Writer who pees all over Twain, leaving his Mark on him. But enough of the friendly Literary Rivalry. Charles is best period as you say over there, though over here a period is well, a period.

Now as you also know a Navvy was/ is the guy who digs things, not the fab and groovy, hey man what was in this cigarette, or fag as we say over here in England, not that kind of “dig” but the dig as in digging, not to be confused with Mick Diggings who used to live in Cromane Kerry if memory serves. I hope you are keeping notes Donald, didn’t Kim give you a souvenir, no not that Kim of the curves Kim, but the short fat and bad haircut rocket man Kim, before you became BFFs and pen friends. Anyway back to Digging. The Irish and the Chinese made America, and they still look after America. The Irish are the Cops, and the Chinese make everything sold in America, such as the iphone.

The Irish and the Chinese laid America, by which I mean they laid the railroad tracks, any other kind of laying, must be something to do with eggs. One of the streets where I live is named after the chicken farm that used to be there 100 years ago. Yes it’s called Chicken Lickin Street, nowadays we have roads named after the Brewery that used to be there. I used to hop, as I could smell the hops, as I went down the hill, and yes it’s been all down hill since then I can hear you exclaim, you are so cruel, at least Donald make such remarks, maybe because he thinks this is Abbot and Costello, but no it’s Gerald Wiley, go google NSA.

So the Irish Navvy and the Chinese Navvy linked America from coast to coast by building the Railroads. And AMTRAK was born so to speak. I did have an Uncle, no not the man from UNCLE, by my mother’s brother who worked for Amtrak in Boston, his son is a Cop there, he’s Irish or son of Irish, so obviously he’s a Cop. If he were Chinese then he’d be a business man or run a restaurant, or run a factory building iPhones. Though the Chinese connection is this side of the Atlantic via my Shanghai wife. I hope you are keeping up with all this Donald, or we’ll get Kim to spank you with a rolled copy of the failing Washington Post, by Kim I mean the curvy Kim, though I’m sure your BBF would jump at the chance.

As the railroad advanced people died, so they were buried at the rail side, no doubt Mark Twain would comment, and curse Dickens for being on the train behind, touring Dickens was a great big hit back then. Before TED talks were invented, and how did Roosevelt persuade a bear to talk I just do not know, but it ended in a film, but maybe Donald knows more about film than I. He was in Home Alone, after all, well apart from the Canadian version.

Early photos captured the back breaking toil of the Irish and the Chinese, without them Casey Jones would not even have had a job, and no he’s no relative of mine, Casey is my surname, my family name. There is a Genesis song on the We Can’t Dance album about Navvies. And remember too, who dug the Canals in England 100s of years ago, they were the motorways of their time. I’ll pause now for Movelat painkiller gel, which was not invented back then, so no doubt the Chinese massage was the best alternative back then.

Buy shares in Movelat Gel, it works fast and stops me from screaming in pain, I know it’s you the readers who are in the most pain, from listening to me. You are so cruel. I was going to offer you a cup of tea and biscuits, and no that’s not a metaphor, what kind of boy do you think I am? I did give my navvies outside tea and biscuits, and a couple of apples from Portugal too, as they dug the Virgin Media trench, I know how hard they work, my dad used to sweat for 10 to 16 hours, if he got overtime in the steel works, The District Iron and Steel Brasshouse Lane Smethwick. Years later Betty who taught my girls piano revealed she used to teach in the Primary School in the same road. Small world, and obviously you couldn’t put a piano in front of a furnace, that would be ridiculous.

So Navvies come in all shapes and sizes and are ridiculously strong, they have to be, you and me would just drop down dead if we tried to do their job, so when you get the new superduppa Virgin Media, spare a thought for the navvy who brought it to you. So I’m going to finish now as my belly needs feeding, I heard that Trump, it looks overfed already, you are such a card, and I’m not talking about your golf score card. Just spare a thought for the navvy as you ride the rails, without them, you’d be stuck at home with your mother-in-law all. You couldn’t go and visit the ballet, or the bowling alley, and all the other bs there are, so spare a thought and say a prayer for some soul buried there by the tracks. Irish and Chinese we salute you.

Now if you think this piece is too Robin Williams, then really it’s more Robin, Batman’s boyfriend or is it boy and friend, and Williams, Andy Williams, so as I moon over a river, I’ll say a pray too as Internet Mass is next for me.

THAI BBU TranslationBBU in KOREANVietnamese Translation The Butcher The Baker and The UndertakerKorean Valentine PoemKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015Korean Still Alive 2015Kasap Fırıncı ve Taahhüt © tarafındanBBU IndonesianBBU ITALIANBengali Translation of BBUBBU UrduBBU in Indian HindipersianBBUPORTUGUESE BBU2019China BBU-convertedChina BBU-convertedВ поисках индийской принцессыWydanie polskie Still Alive 2015win Wiersze dla wszystkichThe Polish TranslationsThe Polish Translationspolish Guardian AngelPolish Edition of Still Alive 2015Michael Casey The Polish Translations페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN아직도 살아있는 2015ページ1 Quick Stories in Japaneseインドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには – CopyЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ ADСтраница 1shoplife spanishJapanese elevator AdvertBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish Examples50 Spanish Examplesbbumar2008-en-zh-cn-1BBUMar2008.en.zh-CN (1)BBU in HebrewBBU in Arabic300 وBBU Russian Translation microsoft wordBBU in KOREANBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish ExamplesKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015The Polish TranslationsSpanish BBU아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015

Padre Pio and Me 2017